source: mensdaily
Denise Noe
September 19, 2007 at 5:58 am · Filed under Fatherhood, Culture, Psychology, Sex & Relationships, Mating, Marriage & Divorce, Science & Nature, Family, Child Support & Custody, Vox Populi
Many readers have interpreted a recent blog I wrote as part of a campaign against “pre” or “non” marital sex. Some readers seemed to see it as anti-male or as evidence that I have little understanding of men. Perhaps my understanding of men is indeed limited. However, I have certain strong beliefs about men that I will share now because they are relevant to that essay.
I believe that the majority of men – the vast majority – LOVE THEIR CHILDREN. What’s more, I believe they love children who are their own flesh and blood (as well as their adopted children) regardless of how they feel about their children’s mothers. Most men also love their flesh and blood children regardless of whether they wanted the children before their births. I believe that many, if not most, men would lay down their lives in the defense of their children.
Loving one’s children means wanting what is best for them. Thus, most men want their children to be raised in an atmosphere of nurturing that is free of extreme conflict and fighting. They want their children to be adequately fed and clothed. They want their children to be disciplined within acceptable limits. They don’t want their children to be abused nor do they want them to be spoiled.
Perhaps I am wrong about the above and many or most men don’t care what happens to children they have sired. However, it will be hard to convince me that the percentage of men who are indifferent to their children is large although readers are free to try.
If all of the above is true, then men should care who their children’s mothers are. They should want children to have mothers who are healthy, stable, nurturing, and levelheaded.
However, the desire of men to have sex is not connected to the desire to become a father. Men may desire sex with women for whom they have neither respect nor affection. They may desire sex with women for whom they have contempt and/or hostility. Their desire for sex is often extremely strong. It is also not beyond their control as most men, regardless of how aroused they are, do not have sex on the sidewalk nor do they commit rape.
I’m not on a crusade against sex outside of marriage. I’m simply trying to encourage men to think seriously about the simple truth that sex with any woman may result in the birth of a child – a child that their fathers will love and will want to have a good life.
By keeping this fact in mind, men may modify their behavior in several ways. Those who do not want to sire (more) children may have vasectomies. Others may use condoms although they should be aware that this is anything but foolproof as condoms break, slip, and leak. They may decide not to abstain from sex with women whom they believe would not be good mothers to their children but to limit the types of sex they have with such women to acts other than penile-vaginal intercourse. Finally, they may decline to approach or “Just Say No” to such women. Endorsing the last course should not mark me as a “feminazi” as the phrase was made a popular slogan by the administration of conservative Republican President Ronald Reagan.
