Source: eurweb.com
By Darryl James
(October 3, 2006)
*TodayÂ’s dating world is perhaps more difficult than it has ever been. A plethora of changes in society, particularly our transitory yet insular lifestyles, have made it difficult to find someone to have and to hold.
In the Black community, many dating issues are blamed on interracial dating, despite the low numbers of men and women who actually date and/or marry outside of the race.
For example, while some Black men choose to date outside of the race, their numbers are blown out of proportion and now, some Black women are “retaliating,” by dating outside of the race, and even going as far as to call it a “revolution.”
Take for example, the movie Something New, in which a successful Black woman dates and falls in love with a white man. It's not that she can't find a Black man who is also successful, because when she does (Blair Underwood, who plays a successful attorney), she still chooses the white man.
The film was innocuous, but no one really raised a stink. Black men didn't get angry enough to even talk about the stupid flick, even though it's content and it's silly star were purveying destructive propaganda.
Sanaa Lathan, when promoting the movie, claimed that it was "revolutionary" because it was the "first time" that a film captured a relationship between a white man and a Black woman. She went even further, claiming that it was "about time" that sisters crossed the racial dating line, since so many Black men are doing so.
First, I guess Ms. Lathan never watches movies herself, since she missed films with Black women loving white men, including Halle Berry's Oscar-winning performance in MonsterÂ’s Ball, or her turn as a Bond Girl with Pearce Brosnan, or even her breast-revealing role in Swordfish with John Travolta. Or how about Angela Bassett with Robert Deniro? How could she call her film the first?
And, even if this silly film were the first time, how is it revolutionary? There is no general consensus that Black men dating white women is a good thing, nor is there any real research to support the accusations of the Black manÂ’s great love for white women. To call the advent of Black women dating white men a "revolution" is destructive, silly and ignorant.
In yet another upcoming "revolutionary" film, Neo Ned, Gabrielle Union is found in the midst of a relationship with a Neo-Natzi. The skinhead racist meets her in a mental institution and gets sparked because in her insanity, she thinks she's housing the soul of Adolph Hitler. Of course, they fall in love and the N-Word gets dropped a few thousand times.
And, like too many stories of race in America, the racist is portrayed as a good guy at heart, who is just misunderstood and needing of love. HeÂ’s misguided because he only knows three Black people: "There's this guy in high school, a guy I killed and you. If I can't hate the Blacks, who can I hate?"
The discussion brewing surrounding this movie covers a few perspectives, but sadly, the whole "revolutionary" label is getting slapped on it, and it really isn't anything that makes revolutionary people, events and art earn the label.
One popular website for Black people recently sponsored an excursion to Italy for Black women, with the goal of establishing a competing version of the Black man's escape to Brazil for sexual escapades with foreign women.
To my sisters who think that turning away from Black men to seek out mates in the white world, I can only say good luck. I hope you find the happiness that every human deserves. If you are dating outside of the race because that is where you have found the love of your life, then no one should ever say an unkind word about you or what you do in your private life.
But if you are dating outside of the race because you have essential problems with Black men, then I feel sorry for you.
Realize that white men have their own set of difficulties just as any other human beings do. And, white marriage rates are also declining, which means that you may date, but purposefully dating outside of the race won't guarantee success with marriage.
Secondly, I will admonish you just as I admonish Black men who date outside of the race, seeking something better than what our people have to offer: Do so out of love and pure compatibility, not for escapism or as a novelty, or what you will be doing is based on self-hatred and what you will find is sadness and discomfort in a world that is not as poetic as you may want to believe.
This nation, founded upon race and racism, still carries a legacy of racial dissonance that affects even the most enlightened of us.
And, there are some real vestiges of the legacy of racism that show themselves in many ways. They will also rear their ugly heads inside of interracial relationships.
Historically, the relationship between white men and Black women was all about rape, destruction and disrespect. White men crept into the slave quarters and in many cases would kill the woman as well as the resulting bastard child.
And, Black men also have a twisted history with white women. While the violence didn't come directly from the white womanÂ’s own hands, an untoward glance or even the thought of having "tampered" with white women was enough to send a Black man swinging from the noose.
There are still vestiges of that taboo, even found within our own community where Black men who date outside of the race are seen as sellouts and worse, especially in the eyes of Black women.
No matter what the reason or the result, the reality is that while the world appears to have changed, leading some of us to think that racism is dying, the sentiment and the actions associated with racism are still alive and well, even when it comes to the genders.
What this means is that we are not always viewed as the beautiful people that we are by all of the people in the race some of us aspire to escape to for love.
Case in point is Duke University, where a young Black mother was raped in a bathroom during a party for the school's LaCrosse team. In addition to the fact that the accused men are white, the resulting press has been horrifyingly disrespectful, yet revealing, as many came to the defense of the white men.
One media personality referred to the Black mother as a “ho.” (I'd like to get the redneck bastard alone for two minutes--he'll never use the word “ho” or whore in the same sentence with Black woman again.) Emails from the team and posts on message boards hosting discussions on the issue were also revealing as to what many whites still think about Black women.
Not that Black men are garnering greater love from white women, many of who seek out a simple fulfillment of a “Mandingo” fantasy.
What we are dealing with is propaganda, for the most part.
And, some of the propaganda where interracial dating is concerned comes from our own community.
That propaganda will have people believing that Black men can't wait to get their hands on white women, and that now Black women can’t wait to open themselves to white men, instead of waiting for the good Black man who is now nearly “extinct.”
People date other humans, and some people are less concerned with race than with the love and compatibility they find. There is no proof that either Black men or Black women are dating outside of the race in numbers that should concern any of us.
But the public discussions have to be countered.
There are very few Black men running around talking about how much they love white women more than Black women. When they appear, there are a number of Black men who counter them with our love and preference for Black women.
I’d like to see more Black women vocalize the silliness of dating outside of the race as a “revolution,” before that propaganda goes too far.
There is no "revolution" to be found in Black women dating outside of the race. If that is your choice, do so, but don't call it anything except that--a choice.
Let's deal with the real issues.
Everyone is having difficulty in dating, so why not stop pretending that itÂ’s only us?
And, before heading for other races, how about we put in a little work with each other first?
