Who's to blame for the high divorce rate in our community?

[Halmog]

I agree, guys used to walk out during arguments and even come couple of days later when they cooled down. I can't tell u how many times I have seen friends etc who get divorced over petty things. I have seen 1 week marriage

[AwRastaale]

Back home people used to marry from their own village and the wifey was often a relative. Whether we like it or not. That worked. Somalis stayed married until the Farah died and in 80% of cases the hubby went to the grave first.

Now days people trying to be 'ilbaax' and marrying foreign Somalis from two different worlds. So the marriage just prematures because they do not even understand each others. The hubby wants to send money konfuur but the naag wants to visit north-----or vice-versa. Big drama.

Also it's true Majerteeins have the highest divorce rates of any qabil.

Dir seem to have the lowest.

Isaac and Hawiye seem to marry each others a lot.

Isaac niggz hardly divorce like back home they prefer problems to be solved internally and no authority gets involved.

Ogadens from the north seem to have traditional marriage life while those from the south especially NFD often fail because they mix so many weird things.

Marehans have no girls to marry.

HG men marry new naag every five months like their Majertein relatives and they suck with family life. Often Abgaal is picking up the pieces or broken HG families.

I feel bad for Abgaals.

Dir girls are highly sought after. High demand for them coz Dir are no threat to anyone and they are not too politicised.

Most Isaac love to stick with their own. When they fight the entire habro get involved and it's kind of embarrassing really for niggz to fight with wifey coz they know the odaay with the red beard will be coming. Marka way iska amuusan

Most Gidabursi marriages last and they keep it to themselves----huuno put the rasaas down. Waxba kama so baxaan.

Warsangeli homes are calm.


That's my observation.


The Haud

[jamal9]

blame the welfare money that women with 4+ kids get. they kick out the man just for that. back in africa, the woman is dependent on the husband, so she has to put up or die on the streets.

[Fortuna]

I think one of the options should be "the changing of Somali values", maybe the lack of Somali cohesion in regards to marital affairs also. In our parent's time, divorce was taboo...whether it was due to domestic abuse, neglect, estrangement, boredom etc...they (especially the woman) was cautioned against divorce.

Today with more financial freedom, parents aren't terrified of their daughters being on their own anymore. And since it's so common, parents aren't afraid their daughters will not be able to remarry due to the stigma that would have applied to them.

Problem is this 'allowance' is so loosely applied now, young couples haven't reached the level where they are doing their honest research in advance and the parents don't/can't encourage it...we're still not suppose to be dating, so ending up with the wrong man/woman is still as likely - only now it's culturally easier to escape the marriage.

Meaning: We are still expected marry young and marry without a real opportunity to get to know each other, including yourself. So when the problems begin (inevitable) instead of knowing how to respond, we are allowed and maybe even encouraged, to not bother with such a stressful union, instead of them helping us sort out the problems as a society.

[metamorphosis]

A number of factors combined is really what makes marriages fail. I have noticed a lot young couples do not ask questions beforehand and marry someone because they "love them". They date and talk for years or months about unnecessary stuff and then they marry. Couples need to ask each other the hard questions before they marry. They need to disclose to each other what ticks them off and what in their minds will lead to divorces. Most couples do not know what their partner considers a deal breaker and so they fail to avoid these things. Both the woman and the man should know the lines NOT to cross before they get married and should avoid crossing those lines at all costs. Another thing a lot of us have is pride as yummy has mentioned. A lot of times couples do not compromise and each person wants to be the last one standing as if letting go makes them weak. The most important one of all is lack of communication. Divorces should not happen if both partners remain faithful, respect each other and each other's family and each one of them handle their duties. Everything else is minor and should be something that two adults can easily discuss and resolve.

[smooth]

Problems

1. As the hadith goes "the marriage with least expenditure has the most barakah" just look at Somali weddings, ridiculous amount of money is spent hence there is NO BARAKAH in these marriage, this is the main reason for high divorce rates. Blame? The men that are willing to pay this and the degenerate mothers that encourage their daughters.

2. Family interferences, this is made worse by marrying a women from a different Qabiil, every problem is magnified by 10x in these cases, made even worse if the women is a talker, the blame for this is primarily WOMEN.


Solutions

1. Follow the hadith and do not spend much if you want the Barakah in your marriage, this is difficult to achieve as in most cases its the degenerate mother that wants it from my countless experience, its easy to convince the women, the only way out of this problem is to do it back home or find a strong religious women that will stand her ground, these will usually be late 20's, at that age the parents just happy to see her married off.

2. Marry a girl from your qabiil not sub-clan but sub-sub-clan at least, there is a lot at stake and mutual respect, you won't have the crazy interferences intend to break you apart, everything will be easier in terms of cost, the degenerate mother rather her daughter marries cheap tolka then expensive shiisheyo.

[MujahidAishah]

blame the welfare money that women with 4+ kids get. they kick out the man just for that. back in africa, the woman is dependent on the husband, so she has to put up or die on the streets.

Who told you that bullocks ever heard of xeerka qoyska the biil that the qadi sets is deducted from his wages automatically Sxb if not waa noo gabood ama mandheere

Women have financial freedom

[MujahidAishah]

Back home people used to marry from their own village and the wifey was often a relative. Whether we like it or not. That worked. Somalis stayed married until the Farah died and in 80% of cases the hubby went to the grave first.

Now days people trying to be 'ilbaax' and marrying foreign Somalis from two different worlds. So the marriage just prematures because they do not even understand each others. The hubby wants to send money konfuur but the naag wants to visit north-----or vice-versa. Big drama.

Also it's true Majerteeins have the highest divorce rates of any qabil.

Dir seem to have the lowest.

Isaac and Hawiye seem to marry each others a lot.

Isaac niggz hardly divorce like back home they prefer problems to be solved internally and no authority gets involved.

Ogadens from the north seem to have traditional marriage life while those from the south especially NFD often fail because they mix so many weird things.

Marehans have no girls to marry.

HG men marry new naag every five months like their Majertein relatives and they suck with family life. Often Abgaal is picking up the pieces or broken HG families.

I feel bad for Abgaals.

Dir girls are highly sought after. High demand for them coz Dir are no threat to anyone and they are not too politicised.

Most Isaac love to stick with their own. When they fight the entire habro get involved and it's kind of embarrassing really for niggz to fight with wifey coz they know the odaay with the red beard will be coming. Marka way iska amuusan

Most Gidabursi marriages last and they keep it to themselves----huuno put the rasaas down. Waxba kama so baxaan.

Warsangeli homes are calm.


That's my observation.


The Haud

Smh guur waa calaf not qabil I have seen ilmadeer oo is xumeya waa qadar alle

[GAMES]

Look at the bright side, when Somalis divorce, there is no expensive divorce or custody battles. Kids get to enjoy being raised by both parents, unlike cadaan kids who spend one week with each parents.

[Vivacious]

4 votes for women. I am sure all those 4 votes came from boys here.

[CaliQase]

Back home people used to marry from their own village and the wifey was often a relative. Whether we like it or not. That worked. Somalis stayed married until the Farah died and in 80% of cases the hubby went to the grave first.

Now days people trying to be 'ilbaax' and marrying foreign Somalis from two different worlds. So the marriage just prematures because they do not even understand each others. The hubby wants to send money konfuur but the naag wants to visit north-----or vice-versa. Big drama.

Also it's true Majerteeins have the highest divorce rates of any qabil.

Dir seem to have the lowest.

Isaac and Hawiye seem to marry each others a lot.

Isaac niggz hardly divorce like back home they prefer problems to be solved internally and no authority gets involved.

Ogadens from the north seem to have traditional marriage life while those from the south especially NFD often fail because they mix so many weird things.

Marehans have no girls to marry.

HG men marry new naag every five months like their Majertein relatives and they suck with family life. Often Abgaal is picking up the pieces or broken HG families.

I feel bad for Abgaals.

Dir girls are highly sought after. High demand for them coz Dir are no threat to anyone and they are not too politicised.

Most Isaac love to stick with their own. When they fight the entire habro get involved and it's kind of embarrassing really for niggz to fight with wifey coz they know the odaay with the red beard will be coming. Marka way iska amuusan

Most Gidabursi marriages last and they keep it to themselves----huuno put the rasaas down. Waxba kama so baxaan.

Warsangeli homes are calm.


That's my observation.


The Haud

Actually it was strategic to marry from different beelo/clans to form alliances, so you can move to their grazing lands when yours run out, and also get military support if you were attacked and even if you are on the offensive.

The prominent figures who used this strategy include Sayidka.

[CigaalSHiiDaaDCFC]

Y'all have raised some good points

A number of factors combined is really what makes marriages fail. I have noticed a lot young couples do not ask questions beforehand and marry someone because they "love them". They date and talk for years or months about unnecessary stuff and then they marry. Couples need to ask each other the hard questions before they marry. They need to disclose to each other what ticks them off and what in their minds will lead to divorces. Most couples do not know what their partner considers a deal breaker and so they fail to avoid these things. Both the woman and the man should know the lines NOT to cross before they get married and should avoid crossing those lines at all costs. Another thing a lot of us have is pride as yummy has mentioned. A lot of times couples do not compromise and each person wants to be the last one standing as if letting go makes them weak. The most important one of all is lack of communication. Divorces should not happen if both partners remain faithful, respect each other and each other's family and each one of them handle their duties. Everything else is minor and should be something that two adults can easily discuss and resolve.

[CigaalSHiiDaaDCFC]

Look at the bright side, when Somalis divorce, there is no expensive divorce or custody battles. Kids get to enjoy being raised by both parents, unlike cadaan kids who spend one week with each parents.

Lol dude there's no bright side the reason why we dnt have custody battles because most Somali men say "kab Iyo xaarkeed waa laysku tuura" nd arnt as involved as cadaanka are in their kids lives

[bareento]

Well , u guys r afraid to say the true reason : its SEX.

Who can satisfy an overweight Xalimo, whose libido is multiplied by ten !
Intake of tons of xalawa, chocolate, etc etc...not only boosted their weight but also their libido...
besides they watch some tv programs and ask u to perform like ....God save as!

My golden career of catering Single Mamas was short lived ...I was worn out and I took refuge in Starbucks!

Now I undertand why Somali men are skinny...

B.

[CigaalSHiiDaaDCFC]

Well , u guys r afraid to say the true reason : its SEX.

Who can satisfy an overweight Xalimo, whose libido is multiplied by ten !
Intake of tons of xalawa, chocolate, etc etc...not only boosted their weight but also their libido...
besides they watch some tv programs and ask u to perform like ....God save as!

My golden career of catering Single Mamas was short lived ...I was worn out and I took refuge in Starbucks!

Now I undertand why Somali men are skinny...

B.

lool@ golden career