Eliminate the negative and latch on to the affirmative, don't mess with Mister In-Between’ whilst vigorously lathering my nether parts, when I suddenly lost my balance and went flying forward. I checked myself and changed my step to get a surer foothold but that didn’t work either. I found myself falling backwards this time. The speed at which I was going meant that I would surely crack my skull if action were not taken soon enough. I changed my footing one more time and tried to turn to the side so that my shoulder would be the first thing to collide with the wall (a dislocated shoulder is much better than a cracked skull).
Like a clumsy ice skater, I lost my footing again! This time I hit the shower curtains and was heading backwards towards the floor of the bathroom. My feet were up in the air and I knew that when I do eventually land I was sure to have a couple of cracked ribs! But it was really my head I was worried about.
I pushed my arms backwards and hoped that I would land on them first and, hopefully, arrest the speed of my descent! Yet, strangely, my mind was still clear enough to calculate all other possibilities, and the time seemed to stand still!
Doubt crept in and I wondered if my arms could withstand my whole weight and speed. I decided they would not. I did a sort of summersault and managed to execute the whole manoeuvre whilst still up in the air! Now my head was going to land a couple of centimetres away from the edge of the bath. I would still land on my arms but, this time, it would be with my head facing forward rather than back. I still had time to think and worry.
The edge of the bath loomed large. I panicked and did another summersault. There was no space for left to execute this new manoeuvre. But I still managed to turn my body and complete half of it. Darkness overwhelmed me as my head hit the toilet seat and my legs crashed against the edge of the bath. The searing pain made me stretch my arms out and twist to my right. One arm crashed against the toilet seat and the other against the sink. The pain made me kick my feet out (even though I knew there was no space there). I let out a girly scream as I banged my knee and my upturned leg against the bath edge. I tried to get up and hold on to something but I moved far too fast. I slipped again and fell backwards, pulling the rest of the shower curtain down with me.
Like a dead man in his coffin, I lay back with the shower curtain draped over me and sang about accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative!
Every part of my body aches. I’ve got horns on both sides of my head (and the back). I have bruises on my legs and arms and my fingers hurt. But at least I am clean.
....Paddington Bear why do u sound so sad? 
