It had been a difficult month for Amir Imam Hutuking and the Government. The Al Ciyaal Suuq (ACS) & Xisbi Xasuuq (XX)forces had penetrated the capital of SNET, Snetville. There had been widespread defections to the Khawariij alliance lead by maniacal SomaliStar. Amir Hutuking had called for an emergency meeting of his war cabinet to discuss the grave state of affairs at the Presidential Palace on a hilltop.
"Gentlemen, why are we not winning ?" asked Amir HutuKing who was visibly angry as he stroked his henna colored beard and picked up his tusbax. The Ayatollah Khomeini looking leader with his black Turban and long flowing black robe had been deeply concerned about the losses. The former spiritual leader of the Sufi Awakening and former Islamic Studies Professor had been President for only a few months and was facing numerous challenges.
"Amir, it was a series of miscalculations. You had insisted on having members of the Islamic Courts joining the military and those men are not participating in the fighting. It is difficult to tell friend from foe with these flying cimamaads. The National Police and Civil Guard have been underfunded and equipped with resources being poured into the Cimamaad Crew." said Colonel AbdiBeendiid. The seasoned battle hardened colonel was smoking his cigarette and did not seem to be bothered at all.
"I agree with the Colonel. Your initial bias towards the Islamic Courts and rejection of cautious diplomacy with the Khawariij has enabled them to sense weakness. As your political adviser, I warned you against both." replied Dr. Twisted Logic, a tall, lanky bespectacled young man who resembled a young Black Trotsky.
"I agree with my comrades. And wish to add, that your Ministers Minneapolis Mayor, Shirib have joined the opposition. My sources tell me that there are agents with in the government working with the enemy. Unless we take drastic actions, we will be routed." said SDM, the Chief of Intelligence. The short man with the big bidaar was on his laptop receiving important briefs from his agents.
"Excuses, excuses, what do you need ! I want these men crushed !" screamed the Amiir who slammed his hand against the table. He was fed up of the constant bad news and relished victory more than sleep.
"I thought you would never ask." said Twisted Logic who stood up and approached the Amiir. "I have drafted an Emergency Act which declares martial law, dissolves parliament, and gives the War Cabinet, sweeping powers to crush the Khawariij." The Amiir read the papers and seemed to hesitate. He was a peaceful man and suspicious of those who were not wadaads like him.
"Amiir, either you let us help you or the opposition will overrun us & cut off our heads." stated Colonel Beendiid.
"Actually, they torture you first, tape your confessions and then chop your head with a dull knife ... " said SDM.
"Enough, enough, I will sign it but bring me victory or death. " said Amiir Hutuking who began to sign the Emergency Act. He soon retired to his bedroom wondering if it would work.
Twisted Logic, SDM and Beendiid were clearly elated. The three celebrated their victory. Twisted Logic said, "Beendiid, you were very smart in waiting until this moment to ask the Amiir for all we need."
"No, my friend, the Amiir is a gentleman, a man suited to lead in better times, not in dealing with barbarians who only understand the language of violence."
"Hold on, what is my cut ? " replied SDM whose eyes beamed. SDM's appetite for power was boundless. He sensed a 1969 moment.
"You and your cuts. I am helping save your neck from being cut. " replied TL.
The three took off to the Banquet room where the Presidential Butler, Sir Luggoyo welcomed them.
"What can I get you gentleman ?"
"I will have the Hilib Aari and bariis with bananas and get me some Cold Pepsi."
"Sure thing, Colonel."
"Lasanga with Italian Salad and a bottle of wine."
"Mudane Twisted, we don't serve alcohol here. We are ...." said Sir Luggoyo but before he could finish his statement, TL put a crisp $100 bill on the table. It was enough to change Luggoyo's mind who asked,
"Would you like red or white wine or perhaps some JD ?"
"Red to start"
"Give me some basto Hawiye, I have been suffering from constipation." quipped SDM. Sir Luggoyo started to laugh but remembered that he only had his job due to the Affirmative Action program for 0.5ers.
TO BE CONTINUED.
