‘And then I think this loneliness leads me to other problems,’ he writes. ‘As I get lonely, the natural sexual drive awakens and I struggle to control it, sometimes leading to minor sinful activities like not lowering the gaze.
‘And this problem makes me want to get married to avoid getting aroused.
He knew the extremist path was wrong, but I gues the burden of his horniness was too much
‘I want to talk about my dilemma between liberalism and extremism,’ he writes. ‘The Prophet (S) said religion is easy and anyone who tries to overburden themselves will find it hard and will not be able to continue.
..if anything it prooves he was suffering from uncommon high drive of sexual lust & guilt--the question is: Which sexual orientation! 
and he couldnt reconsile it with his extremist diin and still could not reconsile it with his liberalism inclinations-no doubt influenced by his ivy league education. He says marriage will solve this lust>? Many gay people believe that lie. 
