Things to discuss before marriage

[shiniile9]

I am missing two important questions:
1= what is your Qabiil?
2=Who will control the future Family financial .

[eyes-only]

After answering all that, I think most people would decide not to get married.

[BlackVelvet]

Oliveoil I think these people think you're going to sit there with a questionnaire like "okay, question number 1..."

[eyes-only]

Oliveoil I think these people think you're going to sit there with a questionnaire like "okay, question number 1..."

You don't? I thought you do that and then keep a record of it for future reference.

[BlackVelvet]

That would make anyone feel uncomfortable, it would be like getting into a verbal contract way before you've decided to get hitched to the person. The way I understand it, it's things you should discuss with a potential spouse during the course of courtship so that the two people can see how compatible they would be in a marriage.

[Paddington Bear]

That would make anyone feel uncomfortable, it would be like getting into a verbal contract way before you've decided to get hitched to the person. The way I understand it, it's things you should discuss with a potential spouse during the course of courtship so that the two people can see how compatible they would be in a marriage.

In that case, all the replies are sure to be false. I mean, come on, you are talking about a new couple with hormones oozing from every orifice. What is the likelihood of the man telling Olive the truth and what are the chances she will hear it as she silently gazes into his eyes and thinks to herself “Yaay! I’m going to have kids with lovely eyes”?

[BlackVelvet]

PB I would hope Oliveoil has more control over her hormones than you give her credit for. Besides I think someone is more likely to lie if they feel like they're being interviewed as opposed to having an honest, adult conversation.

[Beenaale_No1]

Tbh, if I was a Somali woman I would ask 1000 questions. I feel sorry for islaamaha Somaliyeed, their husband rarely pull their weight in their marriage. A praying man who works and has no balwad should be standard. Every man should have those boxes ticked.

On the other hand, I also approve Somali men requesting a sexual/social record of their potential partner's past life. You dont want a love who knew every man in town, and now turned 27 yrs old and decided she needs to settle down.

[Beenaale_No1]

Which reminds me of a segment Chris Rock did where he said black men like to take credit for shit they are supposed to do i.e. never been to jail, I take care of my kids, I have a job etc. lol.

Now Somalis wanna take credit for shit they are supposed to do like having no balwad, prays and works

[waryaa]

You'll probably wake up one morning married with little or none of those conditions met by the guy snoring next to you. Life is not that complicated and marriage is no more than a legalized cohabitation which can be ended by either party unilatarily. Get in and hope for the best with your scape plan just in case. No need for a hundred page questionnaire which will put off any potential mate. Besides anyone who wants you can cheat on the questions and score 100%.

These are very important: criminal/credit history and STD check. For everything else, there's a mastercard, i mean observation ... kudos to the person (above) who said observation will do it

[BlackVelvet]

So all you married folk got hitched without asking things like how many kids you wanted or what role the wife's career will take after you have kids, where you'll live, how close to each of your parents you will live, where you'll retire, how you'll be able to afford your retirement plans...nothing? You just went in, prayed to God and hoped for the best?

[Beenaale_No1]

So all you married folk got hitched without asking things like how many kids you wanted or what role the wife's career will take after you have kids, where you'll live, how close to each of your parents you will live, where you'll retire, how you'll be able to afford your retirement plans...nothing? You just went in, prayed to God and hoped for the best?

Those questions just casually come up when we converse and spend time in each other's company.

Thou you do wonder how Indian/Pakistani/Somali arranged marriages work out, cos they barely know each other when they get hitched.

[BlackVelvet]

Yes but I think Oliveoil's point was to take these questions and answers seriously.

Arranged marriages probably work because the kind of guy who asks for his parents to find him a girl and the kind of girl who accepts a man she doesn't know usually have very traditional ideas about marriage anyway so even if they're never happy they'd think that's how it's supposed to be.

[Paddington Bear]

So all you married folk got hitched without asking things like how many kids you wanted or what role the wife's career will take after you have kids, where you'll live, how close to each of your parents you will live, where you'll retire, how you'll be able to afford your retirement plans...nothing? You just went in, prayed to God and hoped for the best?

It's an issue of trust, BV. You meet someone and are attracted to them. You talk, you go out on dates and you talk some more. None of the conversations might involve the questions listed in the original post. However, it should be quite obvious if the person is not into faith (for example) or if it's someone who loves kids or if they're very specific about where they want to live. Most of such questions get answered without being answered or asked. It's all about trust.

[waryaa]

Thou you do wonder how Indian/Pakistani/Somali arranged marriages work out, cos they barely know each other when they get hitched.

I don't thinks the somali one works good...

ironically the divorce rate among indians/pakistanis is very minimal comparing to western countries. The west, with all that questionnaires, plans, prenuptial counselling, long term intimacy before marriage, live-ins, etc, lead the way when of comes to divorce. If you are in america you have 50/50 chance or divorcing regardless of how much you prepare yourself.

I don't know accuracy of this statistics but neither india nor pakistan can be seen here. US numbers is acceptable,

http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_d ... vorce-rate
# 1 United States: 4.95 per 1,000 people
# 2 Puerto Rico: 4.47 per 1,000 people
# 3 Russia: 3.36 per 1,000 people
# 4 United Kingdom: 3.08 per 1,000 people
# 5 Denmark: 2.81 per 1,000 people
# 6 New Zealand: 2.63 per 1,000 people
# 7 Australia: 2.52 per 1,000 people
# 8 Canada: 2.46 per 1,000 people
# 9 Finland: 1.85 per 1,000 people
# 10 Barbados: 1.21 per 1,000 people
# 11 Guadeloupe: 1.18 per 1,000 people
# 12 Qatar: 0.97 per 1,000 people
# 13 Portugal: 0.88 per 1,000 people
# 14 Albania: 0.83 per 1,000 people
# 15 Tunisia: 0.82 per 1,000 people
# 16 Singapore: 0.8 per 1,000 people
# 17 China: 0.79 per 1,000 people
# 18 Greece: 0.76 per 1,000 people
# 19 Brunei: 0.72 per 1,000 people
# 20 Panama: 0.68 per 1,000 people
# 21 Syria: 0.65 per 1,000 people
# 22 Thailand: 0.58 per 1,000 people
# 23 Mauritius: 0.47 per 1,000 people
# 24 Ecuador: 0.42 per 1,000 people
# 25 El Salvador: 0.41 per 1,000 people
# 26 Cyprus: 0.39 per 1,000 people
= 27 Chile: 0.38 per 1,000 people
= 27 Jamaica: 0.38 per 1,000 people
= 29 Mongolia: 0.37 per 1,000 people
= 29 Turkey: 0.37 per 1,000 people
# 31 Mexico: 0.33 per 1,000 people
# 32 Italy: 0.27 per 1,000 people
# 33 Brazil: 0.26 per 1,000 people
# 34 Sri Lanka: 0.15 per 1,000 people