SomaliNet Forums

Hey, y'all

I've decided to post here because my initial google search was not a success..

First off, I'm female & I go to university. I currently share an apartment with two international students. Although, this is a new experience for me I've met (and even dated) students from different countries in the past and I was initially positive about the room situation. However, one of the girls in the apartment who is Somali(n), has remained quite a mystery. Moving in she seemed warm, studious, traditional, maybe little introverted, which was fine, but it seems all that glitters is not gold. Gradually, she's revealed a person that is bossy, stand-offish, territorial, selfish and.. well, just mean. She never leaves her room, never has guests over and complains all the time. She'll respond to minimal conversation but never initiates it. She completely ignores and refuses any form of salutation with my other roommate (a girl who is from another part of Africa). Often, we'll hear her through the walls yelling and nagging over the phone. She hates any friends we bring over especially guys even if it's just for studying. We are respectfully of 'cultural differences', there's no sex, discrete drinking (21+), low noise, yet it seems like it's never enough. Trust me, I would not be here if this was just her "personality"; but she justifies robbing us of the ability to enjoy our personal freedoms to better accommodate her for reason of her 'religion/background'. I've invited her out on several occasions for clean, girl, fun; my offers are declined. I'd figured she would be more accustomed to our.. customs, seeing as she's been living in the states for a while now. My roommate says that she's likely a refugee if that makes a difference. Moving out is not an option at this point in time.

So, does standing my ground in a considerate way of course sound fair? Is this common? Am I generalizing? Could me being African-American be an issue?

thanks

You need to read "how to deal with roommates from hell for dummies".

I'd say just ignore her and enjoy your home as long as you don't break the law or lease agreement. Tell her to fc off next time she tries to boss you around. - no need to gang up on her though. The good part is she stays in her room most of the time.

Why is she acting weird? Maybe she was raised in a different culture. It could be personal too. A lot of people are not social and have hard time interacting with others.

Basra how do you feel about this strange predicament from your fellow black

Do you watch BET, drink 4 Lokos and smoke weed?

Why would you bring guys in the room without your roomates consent?

She sounds stupid, exept for the guy issue. My advice would be wait a while, since she is a new roomate it might take time before she open herself up. If she is still that way, then give her some ultimatum

we only heard one side of the story, and it seems that you are very sociable person but feels imprisoned by this supposedly very unsociable roommate and that you have been very gentle with her. first, good job for not dealing this issue in a way that could have resulted in confrontation and for suppressing your temperament. second, what i would say is that, even though you have tried everything it seems, just be patient with her until some sort of options emerge.

good luck.

I wanna hear her side of the story too, maybe she overheard you'll talking about her.

But she seems like anti-social or she needs a man in her life, either one or the two.

grandpa aka union aka muftax aka nomardwarlord aka poster of this thread.....


whatever.

How much is this real and how much fake?

Also, if she is a traditional Somali girl..she is not and will not be comfortable with you bringing guys in at any time, drinking what so ever, etc. With that said you can try to move out. I definitely did on my freshman year with two Korean friends from same city and same school as my roomies.

Reading your story I think the best thing you can do is ignore her. It seems like you are trying too hard to please her and I am sure that is only annoying her more and is making her reactive negatively so you can leave her alone. It just seems like you are incompatible roommates and no matter what you do to try to accomodate her needs or wants it will probably not make her like your other African friend or roommate. If your school has a Muslim House or Dormitary like mine did then that may be a better place for her to live. Also just because someone is your roommate does not mean they want to get to know your or become your best friend. I had a friend back in college who had a roommate who was exactly like this girl. They just ignored each other and never spoke unless it was completely necessary.

ps. Where do you go to School?

nauticalforcast,I disagree with everyone above me who condemned the girl.although ur story is one sided story,and u know what they say about one sided stories.but I think we can help you deal with her or give u tips only if u gave us more situation questions. you have got to realize that some of the things that ur room mate is doing is because she is muslim, and some of it because of her somali culture and some of it is just because of her personality.this needs layer peeling and is not as simple as it may seem

and welcome to Snet

Hey, y'all

I've decided to post here because my initial google search was not a success..

First off, I'm female & I go to university. I currently share an apartment with two international students. Although, this is a new experience for me I've met (and even dated) students from different countries in the past and I was initially positive about the room situation. However, one of the girls in the apartment who is Somali(n), has remained quite a mystery. Moving in she seemed warm, studious, traditional, maybe little introverted, which was fine, but it seems all that glitters is not gold. Gradually, she's revealed a person that is bossy, stand-offish, territorial, selfish and.. well, just mean. She never leaves her room, never has guests over and complains all the time. She'll respond to minimal conversation but never initiates it. She completely ignores and refuses any form of salutation with my other roommate (a girl who is from another part of Africa). Often, we'll hear her through the walls yelling and nagging over the phone. She hates any friends we bring over especially guys even if it's just for studying. We are respectfully of 'cultural differences', there's no sex, discrete drinking (21+), low noise, yet it seems like it's never enough. Trust me, I would not be here if this was just her "personality"; but she justifies robbing us of the ability to enjoy our personal freedoms to better accommodate her for reason of her 'religion/background'. I've invited her out on several occasions for clean, girl, fun; my offers are declined. I'd figured she would be more accustomed to our.. customs, seeing as she's been living in the states for a while now. My roommate says that she's likely a refugee if that makes a difference. Moving out is not an option at this point in time.

So, does standing my ground in a considerate way of course sound fair? Is this common? Am I generalizing? Could me being African-American be an issue?

thanks

Maybe she's shy? Feeling alienated in a foreign country? Perhaps going through a tough phase in her life?

There's a myriad of personal problems that this girl could be facing that you probably have no knowledge about.

You claim that she is reserved and quiet yet also say she is ' bossy, stand-offish, territorial, selfish' something doesn't add up here? No offence but you sound pretty judgemental. I don't see how her 'never leaving her room' or not 'having any guests' would affect you in the slightest and just because she doesn't meet your social expectations you have no right to complain about that. I do think there is a 'clash of cultures' issue and I think both parties need to realise that the space is communal and come to some sort of a middle ground.

You also say she has rejected your offers to go out. Perhaps she is conservative and feels uncomfortable going to outings? My advice to you would be to get to know her better by having fun indoors within the confinement of your residency? I'm not trying to attack you but merely trying to get you to see this through a different perspective.

Having said that I do think it was rude on her behalf to not respond to greetings; however I don't know her side of the story so I can't really pass judgement on why she behaved as such. Whatever your course of action, you need to remember that humans are diverse and you can't create some custom made yardstick for human behaviour- either accept people for who they are or don't associate with them at all.

somaliduu waa bilaah dhaqaan iyoo bii laa diin!!

When a girl acommodate western style of drinking, being loud and sex on the beach (ooh i meant sex in the corridors and pubs), we say oooh dhillooo
hoyadayd ayaa dhiloo ahayd!! iyoo reerkowda ooh dhaan baa talyaniduu iyoo ingrisskuu wassii jiray!!


On the other hand when (like in this case) we hear a somali girl who stick to her dhaqaan!!
what do we say??
gaaladaa ayaan futadaa uu luulnaa like here and say: ooh kick the bitch out and something like that!!

Just monitor her and give her time ....she will open up .....what religion is she...