Longest Period of Speechlessness on Record, Experts Say
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - With the
public’s attention focused on the death of Osama bin Laden, billionaire Donald
Trump huddled with advisors for the second straight day to try to decide what
stupid shit to say next.
“The bin Laden thing has definitely stolen the
headlines from Donald,” said close associate and advisor Tracy Klugian. “The
only way he can grab them back is by doing what he does best: saying something
really fucked up.”
Trump’s two-day hiatus from spewing messed up shit is
the longest on record, experts say, adding to the pressure on the billionaire to
break his silence with something truly craptastic.
To that end, he has
closeted himself with a circle of advisors including the Rev. Pat Robertson,
former NBA star Charles Barkley, and the former voice of the Aflac duck, Gilbert
Gottfried.
Mr. Trump has drawn up a short list of verbal turds that have
potential, including attacking President Obama for overdue library books during
his grade school years, but so far he has failed to come up with a comment that
is both objectionable and ill informed enough to meet his high
standards.
“People don’t know how much work goes into saying the stupid
shit Donald says,” Mr. Klugian said. “He just makes it look
easy.”
