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Incorporating selfish preference...Look at the consequences!

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Postby Ducaale004 » Mon Sep 05, 2005 3:38 am

I read this article two, three years ago. I couldn’t retrieve it from Google.com, so I searched through the online database system of my University to get it. In this article,
Elizabeth Joseph discusses the advantages of living in a polygamous relationship. She is an attorney and lives in Utah. This essay appeared in the New York Times in 1991.

My Husband’s Nine Wives
Elizabeth Joseph.

I married a married man. In fact, he had six wives when I married him seventeen years ago. Today, he has nine.
In March, the Utah Supreme Court struck down a trial court’s ruling that a polygamist couple could not adopt a child because of their marital style. Last month, the national board of the American Civil Liberties Union, in response to a request from its Utah chapter, adopted a new policy calling for the legalization of polygamy.
Polygamy, or plural marriage, as practiced by my family is a paradox. At first blush, it sounds, like the ideal situation for the man and an oppressive one for the women. For me, the opposite is true. While polygamists believe that the Old Testament mandates the practice of plural marriage, compelling social reasons make the life style attractive to the modern career women.
Pick up any women’s magazine and you will find article after article about the problems of successfully juggling career, motherhood, and marriage. It is a complext act that many women struggle to manage daily; their frustrations fill up the pages of those magazines and consume the hours of afternoon talk shows.
In a monogamous context, the only solutions are compromises. The kids need to learn to fix their own breakfast, your husband needs to get used to occasional microwave dinners, you need to divert more of your income to ensure that your preschooler is in a good day care environment.
I am sure that in the challenge of working through these compromises, satisfaction and success can be realized. But Why must women only embrace a marital arrangement that requires so many tradeoffs?
When I leave for the sixty-mile commute to court at 7 A. M., my two-year-old daughter, London, is happily asleep in the bed of my husband’s wife, Diane. London adores Diane. When London awakes, about the time I’m arriving at the courthouse, she is surrounded by family members who are as familiar to her as the toys in her nursery.
My husband Alex, who writes at night, gets up much later. While most of his wives are already at work, pursuing their careers, he can almost always find one who’s willing to chat over coffee.
I share a home with Delinda, another wife, who works in town government. Most nights, we agree we’ll just have a simple dinner with our three kids. We’d rather relax and commiserate over the pressures of our work day than chew up our energy cooking and doing a ton of dishes.
Mondays’, however, are different. That’s the night Alex eats with us. The kids, excited that their father is coming to dinner, are on their best behavior. We often invite another wife or one of his children. It’s a special event because it only happens once a week.
Thursday night, it’s back to simplicity for us. But for Alex and the household he’s dining with that night, it’s their special time.
The same system with some variation governs our private time with him. While spontaneity is by no means ruled out, we basically use an appointment system. If I want to spend Friday evening at his house, I make an appointment. If he’s already “booked,” I either request another night or if my schedule is inflexible, I talk to the other wife and we work out an arrangement. One thing we’ve all learned is that there’s always another night.
Most evenings, with the demands of career and the literal chasing after the needs of a toddler, all I want to do is collapse into bed and sleep. But there is also the longing for intimacy and comfort that only he can provide, and when those feelings surface, I ask to be with him.
Plural marriage is not for everyone. But it is the life style for me. It offers men the chance to escape from the traditional, confining roles that often isolate them from the surrounding world. More important, it enables women, who live in a society full of obstacles, to fully meet their career, mothering, and marriage obligations. Polygamy provides a whole solution. I believe American women would have invented it if it didn’t already exist.

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Postby Steeler [Crawler2] » Mon Sep 05, 2005 3:48 am

Polygamy rocks! I think I should be allowed a second wife as well.

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Postby dhuusa_deer » Mon Sep 05, 2005 7:35 am

Polygamy is very common among dimorphic (males physically bigger then females) mammals and certainly among dimorphic primates. We humans are no different since we too are dimorphic primates. Gorillas are great example of polygamy practicing primates. They are often refered to as 'haram-species' because one or few males, always the alpha male/s, gets to mate with most females in the group. This to the detriment of other 'weaker' males in the group. They are reduced to servitude.

In throughout human history, polygamy has been more common then monogomy. The reason being in the old times there was great disparity in wealth, with only very few men able to afford to support more than one wife. The rest could only do with one wife. This is why most males in polygamy relationships were kings, imaams, noblemen and other important figures and not the common man.

But as societies moved from disparity to equality, the polygamy appeal faded away. With modern governments providing equality and justice, the alpha males could no longer dominate the weaker males, their influence dissapated. Therefore monogomy became the norm. This is why polygamy, where still practiced, is lands where there is still great social injustices and inequality.

The point to all of this is polygamy is not religious but social. Its not incidental that the quran makes polygamy provisional on the husband being able to afford it. The Quran is explicit on this point. This is not a new innovation but how polygamy was practiced since the dawn of man. Only now with religious seal and stamp.

Just like polygamy disappeared from christian world as they developed towards equality, so will it in the islamic and the third world. Further, the entire institution of marriage will also become less common as developed societies move forward. Man by nature is not altruistic, presented with oppurtunity to be selfish, he will take it in a heart beat. Why should a man in developed world today want to have kids and family? What comparative advantage will it bring him over those who do have family and children?

Lastly, the other kind of polygamy has been left untouched. There are two kinds of polygamy. One is where the man has multiple wives and the other kind is where the female has multiple husbands (polyandry). The latter is found mainly in Hindu culture. To this day there is a tribe in India that still practices polyandry. You will see a wife with multiple husbands, usually related like brothers or first cousins Shocked

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Postby shaheen » Mon Sep 05, 2005 10:59 am

some women welcome it you know...expecially when he is a pain the %%%....i would not mind having a part-time husband. imagine spending all your time with an insecure farax.

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Re: Incorporating selfish preference...Look at the consequen

Postby sexy-kitten » Mon Sep 05, 2005 11:14 am

[quote="Quruxley"]I have noticed how important it is to have a STABLE father role,Particularly for males! [/quote]
First, waad salaamantahay nayaahe. rose

I know what you mean. However, most fathers aren't present in the western countries. The mothers are the ones left to do the job. It really is important to have a stable father role but not all family who have fathers around are successful. I've seen many families who's fathers are present but their kids turn out to be a khasaaro. It works both ways. Some women who raise their kids alone are to have successful ilmo. If a man marries another woman has kids with her, it is more likely that he'll like the second wife more(because she's newer Laughing ) And his old wife is left with the kids by herself. Nowadays, there isn't much polygamy going around. Most men stick with their wives. Yaa ka fiican sidaas? Laughing Laughing

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Postby Quruxley » Mon Sep 05, 2005 1:25 pm

I will be back!
Sexy K kiss speak to ya soon sis Wink

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Postby Demure » Mon Sep 05, 2005 2:44 pm

That was referring to the Somalis that live in America, Majority of them claim there not married or are widows. And most of the husbands get bankrupt and don't know how to get themself's out of that position. And the husband can't surpport his family beneficially, The couple must decide a decision for their kids and etc, Mostly the husband marries a younger female and feeble minded as well easy to take advantage.[/quote]

Boo, sorry but that's not a viable reason to marry another woman, all you are saying the husband is a lazy fraudulent bum, who fucked up his credit and was primairily thinking of himself (easy way out) nothing to do with the family..

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Postby B00 » Mon Sep 05, 2005 3:04 pm

That was referring to the Somalis that live in America, Majority of them claim there not married or are widows. And most of the husbands get bankrupt and don't know how to get themself's out of that position. And the husband can't surpport his family beneficially, The couple must decide a decision for their kids and etc, Mostly the husband marries a younger female and feeble minded as well easy to take advantage.[/quote]

Boo, sorry but that's not a viable reason to marry another woman, all you are saying the husband is a lazy fraudulent bum, who **** up his credit and was primairily thinking of himself (easy way out) nothing to do with the family..[/quote]

That's another way to look at it, But let's just say his credit was fuck up how can he assist his family ?????? Him and his family must come up with a conclusion regardless of any extenuating circumstances or the whole family will decline with him. Particularly in the Somali culture women don't mind distributing there partner with another female, Plus now a days who signs any marriage certificates that justifies there marriages, Thats my point of view of polygamy in the Somalis that live in America, I can't say the same for those who live in Somali, They have there own issues on polygamy and a quite reputation as well. I hope we comprehend one another's point of view.


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