SomaliNet Forums

Quruxleey, what a good topic here Also a reverse trend of invisible problem to most of our people's mind but perceptible reality is the increasing number of divorcees. You see, we witness countless divorce cases. Marriages in overseas don't last despite the objective examination of mutual harmony that reinforce one another. I think there is one good reason for that: Double standard, which allows men to have premarital and extramarital intimacy but condemns women for doing so. Even if harmony is secured and the married girl accepts a change of role after becoming a mother as our convention dictates, which keeps them indoors and reserved, parental conflict leaps our of no where,
mistrust, and other characteristics associated with it: infidelity, incompatibility, financial difficulties and so on.




In MN, every day people get marry but the next day they drift apart

Sultan that sight is becoming all too common isn’t it?People rush into marriage just for the sake of it without thinking of what they have to support the other half with after the honeymoon period id over,thus heated arguments and not the best start to any marriage.Usually ending in early divorce.
Libaaxow this is why me loofe ya.Now kneel boy and make sure you pick up the kids today
Ducaale long time walaal.Laguma arag beryahan hope you are doing great.Same again with what I said to Sultan.Planning and not hiding things from your partner is essential in the cases where a man only has one wife.
Raindance,leave the sarcastic remarks to Axlaan,dear :

I can't say i loof you at all...check your pm woman.

Nothing,I'm taking it you got the juicy news?But where's my reply?

Q waa salamantahay..Im wit The Screw on this. Im also a strong believer of sticking wit one woman. Having multiple wives would work in Somalia, but overseas its a different story. Back home, children was looked after by the whole local community basically. So kids was in a good enviroment all the time. We came abroad and it all changed. Anyhow, I wouldnt encourage a man to have another wife, unless he is filthy rich, very religious and knows how to handle certain situation. Because its not an easy life, having more than 1 wife. In many cases it results in divorce.

Beenaale,darl salaams back atya inabti We need that type of refreshing outlook in the Faraxs who think that multiple marriages and child-rearing is the same as how it is back home....Bless ya sweets!

Quruxleey- Sarcastic? I asked a second wife a question and that was the response I got.

In all seriousness, polygamy can turn sour in some cases, perhaps the majority of the cases-gone-bad in Western countries where it is ILLEGAL.

However, I can't say polygamy is something truly awful, since Islam allows it (with strict conditions!), and if the people involved really followed the Islamic teachings, inshaAllah the boys produced from such marriages wouldn't turn out to be ciyaal suuq. It's important to emphasise that girls aren't affected as GREATLY as boys when it comes to being raised with a father.

[quote="B00"]Quruxley,

Sometimes Somali men have to make a conclusion to save there family because of social and domestic problems, Which a family is confronted with at some point or time, Many are the times when the welfare of the couple depends upon the husband marrying another wife. He must proceed his life with a new wife in arrangement to save his family. But most people find that as in excitement of the Somali males do these affairs for his own desires which I assure in most case thats not the predicament.[/quote]

Well that's a new approach, care to elaborate? Can't quite see how by marrying another woman it helps the welfare of the family...

Ina abti , iskuulkii baanu ku soo laabanoo , hadda ka dib anaa salaan ka dhirjin doona.

In defence of somali polygamists, i honestly think its the best and logical alternative than say to be in a monogomous relationship. Purley for the reason that it coincides with somali social and economic state that its in. Nomadic tradition entails one to be geographically mobiel rite? And somali tradition which too shares that tradition works as a family producation of unit--more children=more money coming in=a good lifestyle to hopefully be bequesathed for the future predecessors. So its a perfect trad. for these types of people...and when you talk about love being equally distributed among wives--well if we look at the deenta, then obvioulsly the males have an obligation. My grandad has three wives after his later wife (ayeeyo) died (Allahu yarxama)--he is the perfect example i believe (no bias intended) as a great loving husband, meeting each of their needs and has a great family i.e set of children. So i honestly dont see anythink wrong with the 'principle' but abusers of the system are obviously in need of a kick in the backside!
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Good point Ducaale

Amat Allah, you made very good point about the distribution of love in an equal terms. Once in a week contact between the married is theoritically proven to be sufficient for women and as many as four times a week for men. There is an underlying justification for the practice of polygamy in our religion as our religion perscribes, a justification that our human mind can grasp, which is a benefit not to been seen as gender inequality. For instance, who would marry the disabled women, unmarried old women, single mothers with orphaned children, and many societal problems that arise beyond our understanding, polygamy becomes the source of remedy.

Ducaale

‘’Once in a week contact between the married is theoritically proven to be sufficient for women and as many as four times a week for men.’’

Being a muslim, that theory actually is a clear example of how universal Allah(swt) via His passages are. Sorry to make this into a theological discussion, but you too have raised an important point which reinforces the view how the practical benefits mentioned further validate the need for such a practice. Since Islamic laws are intended to serve as a high standard of physical, mental and spiritual well being, such scientific information endorses the practicality and utility of polygamy, even in the 21st century. However following to this to the T, well that’s when the whole notion of polygamy becomes tainted and bad accounts of abusive and unequal fair treatment typically tarnishes the pros for such a practical concept. And your 100% right about how polygamy can be a source of remedy. Being a woman myself, you'd expect a general concensus among us that polygamy is degrating and only exists to satisfy the needs of the male sex drive, and funnily enough i use to be a hard-core eco-feminist...but now im a muslim feminist, and islam amazing allows one to pay close attension too certain aspects of our deen and you ironically see the lights of certain issues--which are soo quick to be scruitnized for being too patriachal etc etc....

So do u agree with polgamy as a concept walaal? Because i get the idea here that people seem to dissmiss the idea....

[quote="Demure"][quote="B00"]Quruxley,

Sometimes Somali men have to make a conclusion to save there family because of social and domestic problems, Which a family is confronted with at some point or time, Many are the times when the welfare of the couple depends upon the husband marrying another wife. He must proceed his life with a new wife in arrangement to save his family. But most people find that as in excitement of the Somali males do these affairs for his own desires which I assure in most case thats not the predicament.[/quote]

Well that's a new approach, care to elaborate? Can't quite see how by marrying another woman it helps the welfare of the family...[/quote]

That was referring to the Somalis that live in America, Majority of them claim there not married or are widows. And most of the husbands get bankrupt and don't know how to get themself's out of that position. And the husband can't surpport his family beneficially, The couple must decide a decision for their kids and etc, Mostly the husband marries a younger female and feeble minded as well easy to take advantage.

Amat Allah, I accept polygamy not only as a concept but as a justifiable social practice in any given society. Women proportionally live longer than men. Men proportionally have higher rates of death than men. Therefore, it is not hard to grapple with questions as to why or how polygamy should work in countries like U.S or anywhere. It works. The misconception was complicated by fear or stereotypes that polygamy spawns patriarchal system, which leads to authoritative control in the family system. It is a fear created by the capitalist system and reinforced my feminist perspective to destroy family values.

Polygamy is the only good part about being a Muslim!