Ain't no one gonna settle for a cheap imitation when they could get the original. A large portion of Somali male youth in the west emulate AAs & adhere to the black subculture. I bet everyone knows a handful of guys who are choppers or aspiring rappers or trying to get drafted in basketball or are professional criminals, constantly in & out of the bin. So if this is the lifestyle our brothers, relatives, and male friends are endorsing, then why is everyone up in arms when a Somali girl marries an ex-con? Indeed, our Somali walaalyaal are doing a fine job at being buckets, but shidh just isn't the same when you get the real deal. Instead of settling for a Somali guy who wholeheartedly believes he's from Kingston, Jamaica, why not marry someone who is actually from there?
Then we have brothers who've seen the light, reformed and will swear to God they're Arab. You'll find them at the masjid, tryna to string together the only 6 Arabic words they know into what they think is a coherent sentence ( i.e "Kayf ya habibi, macasalaama yallah bes"). Refuse to wear a macawis or any other cultural clothing, yet are always rocking dishdashas/khamiis on the day-to-day. Don't care to go back home but are saving up their money to move to some gulf state. They'll own all of Sami Yusufs cds and blast them in their car, but refuse to play Somali Nabi-amaan. So it's really not much of a surprise as to why Somali women end up with ajnabis. Regardless of how hard our men try, by skipping all this make-belief, a sister can get her authenticity on with an actual ajnabi instead of settling for second best. By imitating other ethnic groups, there is a concession being made that our dhaqan is inferior, and this is internalized by all parties.
As for Arabs/Pakistanis/Afghanis allowing their women to marry ajnabis, they do. Their interracial marriage rate is probably much higher than ours, however since there are more of them, it's less noticeable.
To make it clear to those debating Lill, from what I understand, she's arguing for the
Cultural incentive, that had Somali guys encompassed the values and practices of our culture, these women in question would be much more appreciative of us, instead of acting in accordance of the topic.
There are two problems with this premise, Lill: 1. These women, no, these girls that are flocking to ex-con reformed/revert Muslims
do not want the Somali culture. They make this clear in their actions. They make it clear by ignoring their parents and advice of close relatives. They themselves have little culture in practice. 2. More importantly, there is no Somali culture in the diaspora. I'm sincerely sorry to have to admit this. We here are forced to choose between either full integration into our surroundings, or holding onto what little deen we can, by any means. And to many of us, those means are by learning Arabic and hoping to live in a (peaceful) Muslim country. An attempt to keep the culture (that I have argued we haven't been given) will result in failing in the deen. Although the macawiis is worn by us, lol, it's worn just as often by these reformed/revert Muslims.
The issue is overhead the individual...
I view the problem stemming from lenient family values. Rules and obligations are screamed at the children, but rarely is their any actual communication, emotional support, and cultural or religious development at home. If these people running off for marriage actually had a sense of what "family" means and could picture themselves in such a position realizing the responsibilities and dedication required for it work, they wouldn't make such foolish decisions.
I believe, regardless of the situation of the diaspora, Somalis inherently place for more importance and value on "community" than "family". Being a nomadic people, this makes sense. This results in family ties becoming a responsibility rather than a desire. There is no connection between family members that goes beyond the needs. In the diaspora, the family unit is in tatters. This only compounds the problem.
The only reason Somalis get involved with situations in other families is to criticize. The community should uphold a particular standard, and anyone who strays must be chastised. "Community" in the diaspora doesn't exist. We are still fighting off qabiilism, even here. Even our masajid are divided along these lines. There is no "community". And when a Muslim comes to ask for you daughter's hand, you only have two options: either chase him away or let him in. If you allow your daughter to marry a newly reformed ex-con, you'll be insulted. If you chase away a new Muslim, you'll be insulted.
No one wins in this mess.
Please, read through this thread.
viewtopic.php?f=18&t=294035
This isn't a problem that can be solved. This will continue, indefinitely.
This post made a lot of sense and opened my eyes to something I never thought of.
