Inner Crisis

[RPM]

Between menial jobs and and graduating from a university a year ago, I have had a lot of time to myself. In this time, I feel like my grip on reality has been dwindling as I cave in on myself. Withdrawn, defeated, hopeless, inept, another dirt under the boot of the machine. I have not been raised in a sheltered environment, I am not that naive but my reality has been shattered. Not really shatter, but chipped away for a very, very long time. I have trouble sleeping as thoughts of my future, my future of nothingness haunt me. It floods my mind and marinated my soul. I end up dejected before I fall asleep and I wake up in an even worse condition. I can't, I don't even want to leave my bed most of the time. What's the point of it all?

I think I have lost my anchor in life. I had school, religious school, university and much more. Once everything shuts down, I have nothing left. Who am I? It seems I am what I do, not who I think I am. I can't isolate myself from this new perspective, rather , it isolates me from the world around me. I can't distract myself from them and I simply can not shut them out. The problem is my dreams. The dreams, the unattainable dreams I set for myself when I was younger and less wise. I did everything by the book, with quarter of my life down the drain, I have nothing to show it for. What benefit is in intangible gains if they can not be translated into tangible gains? This is not a materialistic question and it certainly has nothing to do with Nietzsche's death of God. Far from it. I think this is an issue to do with my self-worth. I see my family, relatives, friends, people that care about me, people I care about, people who have invested in me for years, people I want to help but can't. I can't even begin to help myself and it diminishes the light in my soul.

It is not that I don't matter to these people, I don't matter to myself any more. Now, I often find myself daydreaming about how things could have turned out. Surrounded by the people I care about, everyone in good health and enjoying life. I hate these short, beautiful episodes because they show me how everything turned out but I still love them because they make me happy, just for a while. I sometimes think about death and how it would be. I hope it is just a long, uninterrupted, beautiful daydream, for I would hate to be snuffed out in life and death. The biggest problem in life is self-awareness, for if it was not for it, I would have been as happy as a canary singling beautiful songs in its cage.

[Lamagoodle]

I was thinking about writing on this issue;

Is my existence absurd?.

Am I a consicious subject? Is my existence one of meaninglessesness and nothingness?

But, I never succeeded in writing more than one sentence.

[SultanOrder]

Rpm, your in a tough state, and it's really hard to give advice, I'm not very old or wise, so what I say can only be true for only so much. But Somalida have belive, markay meel kugu xumaado meelkale ba la aada, changing your environment is the first step to a new perspective, a breaking of this state. don't lose hope bro things always change.

[Leopard2]

Between menial jobs and and graduating from a university a year ago, I have had a lot of time to myself. In this time, I feel like my grip on reality has been dwindling as I cave in on myself. Withdrawn, defeated, hopeless, inept, another dirt under the boot of the machine. I have not been raised in a sheltered environment, I am not that naive but my reality has been shattered. Not really shatter, but chipped away for a very, very long time. I have trouble sleeping as thoughts of my future, my future of nothingness haunt me. It floods my mind and marinated my soul. I end up dejected before I fall asleep and I wake up in an even worse condition. I can't, I don't even want to leave my bed most of the time. What's the point of it all?

I think I have lost my anchor in life. I had school, religious school, university and much more. Once everything shuts down, I have nothing left. Who am I? It seems I am what I do, not who I think I am. I can't isolate myself from this new perspective, rather , it isolates me from the world around me. I can't distract myself from them and I simply can not shut them out. The problem is my dreams. The dreams, the unattainable dreams I set for myself when I was younger and less wise. I did everything by the book, with quarter of my life down the drain, I have nothing to show it for. What benefit is in intangible gains if they can not be translated into tangible gains? This is not a materialistic question and it certainly has nothing to do with Nietzsche's death of God. Far from it. I think this is an issue to do with my self-worth. I see my family, relatives, friends, people that care about me, people I care about, people who have invested in me for years, people I want to help but can't. I can't even begin to help myself and it diminishes the light in my soul.

It is not that I don't matter to these people, I don't matter to myself any more. Now, I often find myself daydreaming about how things could have turned out. Surrounded by the people I care about, everyone in good health and enjoying life. I hate these short, beautiful episodes because they show me how everything turned out but I still love them because they make me happy, just for a while. I sometimes think about death and how it would be. I hope it is just a long, uninterrupted, beautiful daydream, for I would hate to be snuffed out in life and death. The biggest problem in life is self-awareness, for if it was not for it, I would have been as happy as a canary singling beautiful songs in its cage.

I have experienced something similar not so long ago, but you have to stay strong, and seek knowlegde about life and religion

[LeJusticier]

Nacas iga dheh, He is from an impoverished nation, ravaged by terrorists. He's lucky that he grew up in the West and have have evrythings, KULAHAA my life is empty. what a waste.....

[Insomniac]

Nacas iga dheh, He is from an impoverished nation, ravaged by terrorists. He's lucky that he grew up in the West and have have evrythings, KULAHAA my life is empty. what a waste.....

That's unfair sxb.

[SultanOrder]

Nacas iga dheh, He is from an impoverished nation, ravaged by terrorists. He's lucky that he grew up in the West and have have evrythings, KULAHAA my life is empty. what a waste.....

You can't deny someone their feelings. We in the west are not in survival mode looking for security and food. Therefore those arguments of at least you are not hungry and are safe doesn't mean all that much to us, we don't value it the same way.

[Twist]

The exact feelings I have had for a while but didn't know how to express. That dreadful emptiness and not seeing light from the other end of the tunnel.

[1nemansquad]

Salaams, I read this about 5 hours ago. For an individual with his own demons, I avoided it and didn't want to deal with initially but came back and thought I could help. You sound very passionate, sounds like you carry the burden of many fears. I would suggest you to engage your day on a constructive and motivated note. Challenge yourself and release your anxiety thru exercise. Stay in up-beat atmosphere where no troubles can come your way. Be more open to social interaction with new people, pray your daily prayers and the best people to befriend are usually found at Masjids.

PM me and I will give you detailed steps of how you can help yourself Inn shaa Allah..

[Vivacious]

Pray. Put your trust in Allah. Make yourself busy with constructive things. Don't think too much of the future. Whatever is meant to happen will happen. May Allah guide you!.Amin.

[Hyperactive]

that shows, education, family, even wealth cannot make one happy and gives fullfillness.

as some one recentlly graduated from university, i tell you, i did all my life what i was expected me to do. at age of 22 i am not ashammed to say, i dont know what i want to do. i am thinking to go back and start over new program, i feel , i just do not want to grow up. scary to be grown in this world.

inshallah, it's just phase, find something in you that makes you happy, such helping others, volunteering etc.

[Basra-]

Inner Crises my a$$. We all know, RPM is also Twist, and also 1nemansquad. 1nemansquad has been singing and dancing all over Somalinet forum with ' Oh No sleep' Oh Woe is me, Woe is me.' Here you are now, under another name--moaning the same issue. An issue that u finally --clearly defined.


"I think this is an issue to do with my self-worth"


Yes, self worth propagated by a latent, unaddressed homosexuality, (which has to do with self worth), and a physical manifestation of your depression- obesity.


"It floods my mind and marinated my soul"


Marinated? Is this a steak on a new steel pan? How can one use such food phraseology in the midst of a very complicated issue like--anxiety, (which has been bemoaned and cried over by yet another alias of this character---Tuushi),lack of sleep, Self worth, Obesity, suicide etc etc etc .

This Insomniac--person-- who later comes in the thread and attempts to defend his alter ego character by declares-- "that's unfair sxb" is clearly also RPM, 1nemansquad, and is also Twist, and is also Tuushi. All these names and person are the fcuking same!!!!!! Each name has gradually been telling us in different names the various stages of their woes and foes. Who fcuking cares!!! I mean, as a proof itself here is what I can say about Insomniac character-- by definition Insomniac, comes from the word Insomnia--meaning no sleep or lack of sleep. This thread above repeatedly moans about lack of sleep.

"I have trouble sleeping as thoughts of my future, my future of nothingness haunt me"



Such idiocy and ridiculousness is unfathomed. Is there any Felicity of justice in this world, where they can simply put this sheep out of its misery? Yes, thank God this just poster came in with



"Nacas iga dheh, He is from an impoverished nation, ravaged by terrorists. He's lucky that he grew up in the West and have have evrythings, KULAHAA my life is empty. what a waste..... "

Indeed! What a fcuking waste! Bravo LeJusticier---- Bravo!






DIE! DIE--RPM aka Twist aka 1nemansquad aka Tuushi aka PO ! FCUKING DIE!

[SavySallySupersedes]

Inner Crises my a$$. We all know, RPM is also Twist, and also 1nemansquad. 1nemansquad has been singing and dancing all over Somalinet forum with ' Oh No sleep' Oh Woe is me, Woe is me.' Here you are now, under another name--moaning the same issue. An issue that u finally --clearly defined.


"I think this is an issue to do with my self-worth"


Yes, self worth propagated by a latent, unaddressed homosexuality, (which has to do with self worth), and a physical manifestation of your depression- obesity.


"It floods my mind and marinated my soul"


Marinated? Is this a steak on a new steel pan? How can one use such food phraseology in the midst of a very complicated issue like--anxiety, (which has been bemoaned and cried over by yet another alias of this character---Tuushi),lack of sleep, Self worth, Obesity, suicide etc etc etc .

This Insomniac--person-- who later comes in the thread and attempts to defend his alter ego character by declares-- "that's unfair sxb" is clearly also RPM, 1nemansquad, and is also Twist, and is also Tuushi. All these names and person are the fcuking same!!!!!! Each name has gradually been telling us in different names the various stages of their woes and foes. Who fcuking cares!!! I mean, as a proof itself here is what I can say about Insomniac character-- by definition Insomniac, comes from the word Insomnia--meaning no sleep or lack of sleep. This thread above repeatedly moans about lack of sleep.

"I have trouble sleeping as thoughts of my future, my future of nothingness haunt me"



Such idiocy and ridiculousness is unfathomed. Is there any Felicity of justice in this world, where they can simple put this sheep out of its misery? DIE! DIE--RPM aka Twist aka 1nemansquad aka Tuushi aka PO ! FCUKING DIE!

Well, damn! It's too early for an ether.

[AgentOfChaos]

We're not the sum of our setbacks, and neither are we defined by it. No matter how grim things might appear now, for all you know things might change for the better for you. Strangers deserve nothing but smile and wave from you my friend, so just smile and wave. To feel like you lost your bearings is normal, everyone feels that way every now and then, so don't be too hard on yourself. Love for life and yourself comes first above all, not longing for your dreams for crying out loud. You just have to be content with your life and say fuck you to negativity. Know that your dreams may very well come true one day. The meantime drink shaah and watch old Tom and Jerry cartoons. Rules to being happy is simple, you find what makes you happy, and you enjoy the shit out of it. And in my case it's music and movies, keep yourself as busy as possible, that's the trick. So the more you're busy, the less you're likely to even think about your predicament. Do yourself a favor a pick up a new hobby, meet new people, watch Neil deGrasse Tyson lectures on youtube, anything but pout all day. I would do the same if I were you.


A dream goal is measured by the joy it brings you while you're chasing it, the greater the joy, the greater the worth of the dream. Full on depression caused by unattainable dream is not a good sign really. Commitment's to your dreams is important, but not at the expense of isolating yourself from the real world. What you need to find is a healthy dose between holding onto your dreams, and not letting your dreams consume you entirely. I'm quite sure you can do both things if you put your mind to it. Thinking about ways you help people you care about is admirable, but don't be sad because you aren't in position to help anyone, rather be grateful that you at least have a safety net. Of all the things a person could be blessed with, having people who care about you around you is the best blessing of all. You just have to learn to appreciate what you have instead of being depressed about what you don't have. Wouldn't be much of a life if a person only sees the negatives in life rather than the positives.


Get your head out of your problems and cherish the people in your life, whenever you're feeling your lowest, making people laugh always helps, it does for me. This might work for you, who knows, try it. From what I have read from your post it seems like you seriously need a good laugh, I suggest you watch Blazing Saddles, it works wonders when you're feeling low. Any of the low you feel right now will disappear as soon as you make yourself busy, happiness can be as simple as discovering new music or watching funny videos on youtube. Other way of looking at this is that happiness produces nothing but stagnation and complacency, whereas hardship breeds growth and wisdom. Guy once said "I wake up for shaah, and I live for to see Breaking Bad through till the end" I think he was onto something.

[GeoSeven]

You speak about the unattainable dreams you set for yourself and not being able to meet them. I can't exactly pinpoint what you're referring to but if it's about money and making it big that eludes you...

Unless you were aiming for the $Billion mark within 5 years, there's no reason for you to feel depressed. If you have a steady income, save, borrow...get a hold of some cash by any means and go invest and innovate. There might be obstacles at times but in the end, if you reside in a developed country, wherever you are is where YOU choose to remain.