Fight In The Mosque

[knowthyself]

I was at the masjid yesterday praising the Maker for awarding me Jannah in the dunya and the akhiro. Let's face it playboys, it is uncool to be detached from the heavenly choir, even if your whiskey cabinet is well stocked as mine. I was sporting a scented robe with gold trimmings like crown prince Abdullah, wearing black eyeliner after the tradition of the Salaf in the vain hope that nobody mistook me for a qowmu luut, and trying to cultivate a sujuud mark on my wigless bidaar by the novel expedient of diving head first from an elevated platform.

Life was good. Until I heard my best loved sheikh with the beautiful daughter I was too ugly to marry fulminating against the Shia and the Alawis of Syria. Wallahi I got mad as hell. "You takfiri bastard" I shouted, forgetting I was there to feel up his young dhoocil, "take your sectarian bull and shove it up the hole that dare not speak its name".

I rose up manfully to go beard to beard with him. "I won't let you stand in the House of God and slag off my Shia brothers in Islam. You are not paid for your insight into political science. Shut your pie hole and just lead the salaat why don't you."

Wadaadka waa ka naxiya.

Puzzled, he asked "asxaabta shiicada ma ka geybsantahey? Toloow maalintaan ka hore Somali noocaada indaha ma saarin".

No, I said. I'm not Shia. I just don't care for Takfirism in the masjid when I'm trying to get my khushuuc on. Maa ka joogtid aflagaadka markaas iyo ilaahay ka cabsatit.

The sheikh was sixty-five and cross eyed as Dajjal but not one to be easily intimidated. "Why don't you make me, doonfaryahow indaha xun?" was his reply. It was well played.

I was ready for a Holy Brawl, but next thing I know, I was jumped by ten fat guys screaming "takbeer". I thought they were saying "take beer" and got excited. Free drinks in the worship zone, could it be? Sad to say, it was the imam's posse covering his back like a true gangster and, in the process, covering mine with bruises. All in all a bad night for the cause of an inclusive and big tent Islam.

Was I right to call him out?

[Ismail87]

This troll

[knowthyself]

Abaayo, hadaa rabtid ceeb- balaaran ina kuu raaxeeyo fadlan iga lasoo xiriir.

[jalaaludin5]

[jamal9]

so you are an alcoholic but you still go to masjid to pray? you can't have it both ways. either stay an alcoholic or quit drinking. did you know your salat will not be accepted for 40 days from the last day you got intoxicated on alcohol or weed and other heavy narcotic drugs?

[GalliumerianSlayer]

Loool, OP is too funny.

[knowthyself]

Jamal, I think you are uneducated my brother. Liqour is served in jannah. Rivers of wine. So how can Bacardi Breezer invalidate your salaat.

Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal said a glass of whiskey a day is good for the soul.

I'm not alcoholic. My sheikh said that I should drink in moderation. Not more than two bottles of spirits a day and three of cider.

[knowthyself]

Legendary,

Maa ii soo ducaysid walaal. I am scared of the heavies in nighties. The wadaads in my hood don't play.

[salool]

wigglesbidaar, baryahan maxaa Somalinet kugu sacsacay, ma xaajiyadi ba banaanka ku so tuurtay?

Khamri baan caba wax lagu faano maahe ee sheeko kale mesha la imow.

[Warabaha]

Mashallah, i see another brother who is also fond of that most heavenly of liquids the esteemed whiskey. Don't let those wahabi homosexuals say it is wrong.

secondly i do believe that you were correct to call on that of cursed imam, it is the maker to decide not a frustrated 65 year Somali man who is having difficulty urinating in a stream.

thirdly is the young gashanti a worthy recipient of your ejaculatory juices, or is she another make up abusing lama waso

[nasradiin32]

imam ahmed haku been abuuran habaar kugu dhacye ,can you tell us were did he said that, know that it is a big sin to lie on ulama and religion
the second thing when the sheikh mentioned the negative side of shia he was right and you were wrong because you knew nothing about them why you arguing with sheikh
anyone who has a basic knowledge of islam knows what the shia are
shame on you

[knowthyself]

wigglesbidaar, baryahan maxaa Somalinet kugu sacsacay, ma xaajiyadi ba banaanka ku so tuurtay?

Khamri baan caba wax lagu faano maahe ee sheeko kale mesha la imow.

Helwaa, noolosha ka waran quruxley? Boyfriend cusub miya rabtaa? Diyaar baan kuu ahey walaal. I'm ready to cool your ardour.

I was telling a friend that I want to meet Salool. She is an old fashioned Xalimo. I'm sick of dancing between liberal thighs. I need a conservative gal. They are so much hotter. Wallahi I curse the Devil whenever I think of the lucky scoundrel who gets to eat Sarah Palin's bush every day. And I curse like a sailor when I think of Helwaa's Salafi lover.

I need your lips huuno. Koley nin ku duunkada baa dooneysa.

[knowthyself]

imam ahmed haku been abuuran habaar kugu dhacye ,can you tell us were did he said that, know that it is a big sin to lie on ulama and religion
the second thing when the sheikh mentioned the negative side of shia he was right and you were wrong because you knew nothing about them why you arguing with sheikh
anyone who has a basic knowledge of islam knows what the shia are
shame on you

My brother, why don't you take your salafi imam's d!ck out of your mouth, and simmer down a little. I will educate you because you have no theological training. Imam Ahmad said the following:

"Oh Muslimeen, get wasted on Fridays with Bacardi Breezer and Brandy for Lo! that is a noble drink for the mujahideen."

- Book of Khamr, Volume 3, page 47.

[knowthyself]

Mashallah, i see another brother who is also fond of that most heavenly of liquids the esteemed whiskey. Don't let those wahabi homosexuals say it is wrong.

secondly i do believe that you were correct to call on that of cursed imam, it is the maker to decide not a frustrated 65 year Somali man who is having difficulty urinating in a stream.

thirdly is the young gashanti a worthy recipient of your ejaculatory juices, or is she another make up abusing lama waso

It's reassuring to see a qaxooti who likes to down the Forbidden Bottle. I will send you a truckload of the finest brands to ever kiss human lips, don't you worry saxib. I can't stand to think of a brother without a well stocked cellar.

As for the imam's daughter, what can I say, my toothless smile scares her off mate. There's no getting out of this one I'm afraid. I'm just too ugly. I was so when I was a Taliban wannabee, and I am so today as a liberal mujahid. Bad genes I guess.

[salool]

wigglesbidaar, baryahan maxaa Somalinet kugu sacsacay, ma xaajiyadi ba banaanka ku so tuurtay?

Khamri baan caba wax lagu faano maahe ee sheeko kale mesha la imow.

Helwaa, noolosha ka waran quruxley?

Alxamdulilah aad baan oo fiicanhey, ayeeyo Helwaa dhunkasho iyo wax yaalaha way ka gaboobday.Adigu ilkihi sadafka aha wali ma ciyaalba la dabo oroda...xiligi hadal bila xarakaat baad gaadhey baan filaya.