A chick explains why married people can't .....

[0sman]

.....have friends of the opposite sex.

I'll go a step further and say that no one can have friends of the opposite without things getting awkward and uncomfortable down the road and at least one of them will need/expect more than friendship (well, unless he or she is into people of the same sex).

What do you guys think? I know this issue has been discussed couple of times in the past and there were always mixed opinions but I would like to see what a lot of the newer members have to say about it.

[BlackVelvet]

I can't watch, she's making me dizzy. Is she on a bike?

But to answer your question, it depends on the shaxarinimo level of both parties. Adiga camal haysku cebeynin

[0sman]

LOL! I think she's using one of those flip cameras or may be just a phone/DSLR camera but too close to her face.

Seriously though, I want know where you really stand about this issue, BV. Let's put the novel stories and internet make-belief stories a side for a moment, is it really possible for a young, "active" individual to have a normal, healthy friendship with a person of the opposite sex with no shaxaari feelings at all? Or is it a case where only men tend to struggle in such scenarios but it's OK for women coz we, men, can't control ourselves since we're pigs? lol

[Malachite]

LOL! I think she's using one of those flip cameras or may be just a phone/DSLR camera but too close to her face.

Seriously though, I want know where you really stand about this issue, BV. Let's put the novel stories and internet make-belief stories a side for a moment, is it really possible for a young, "active" individual to have a normal, healthy friendship with a person of the opposite sex with no shaxaari feelings at all? Or is it a case where only men tend to struggle in such scenarios but it's OK for women coz we, men, can't control ourselves since we're pigs? lol

it's obviously possible, and in fact quite common and routine.....Friendship is about trust. If you can't even trust yourself not to try and have sex with anyone you happen to find sexually attractive, even when to do so will cause problems, then you probably aren't going to be much of a friend to anyone...it makes me wonder why someome people thing it's impossible

The only potential answer I've come up with so far has to do with the fact that the person they accuse of thinking this way is always the man, never the woman, despite the fact that other common claims about the alleged differences between the two would inevitably mean it has to be the other way around. It fits in with our culture's general obsession with man bashing, constantly coming up with a stream of ways to ascribe one bad thing after another to men and depict men as worthless sociopathic scum


EDIT: There might be onset of shaxaari feeling( depending if she attractive and what not), but yes, it's possible not to get serious

[BlackVelvet]

I don't know


Friendship is a type of intimacy and the more time you spend together, the closer you get and the more intimate you become. That's the trap


So my take is, if you want to be strictly friends with someone of the opposite gender, keep them at arms length

[Malachite]

I don't know


Friendship is a type of intimacy and the more time you spend together, the closer you get and the more intimate you become. That's the trap


So my take is, if you want to be strictly friends with someone of the opposite gender, keep them at arms length

Not really...I actually find it the opposite...The more time you spend as friends, the more awkward it gets to think things beyond friendship and more sexual attraction goes out the window

Isn't this the same reasons why Wommen put men in the friend-zone, because they let themselves be friends with females for long time and not spice things initially ?

[BlackVelvet]

The more time you spend as friends, the more awkward it gets to think things beyond friendship

So you have a friend who is not hideous, you spend a lot of time together, she tells you a lot of stuff, you tell her a lot of stuff and you find yourself seeking out her company...

You're saying that as time goes by you would find it more difficult to entertain the idea of you and her having more?


ps friend-zone is BS. What you described is a boy meets girl but girl is not attracted to boy so boy hangs around trying to change her mind/hoping for a miracle. Completely different ball game.

[0sman]

I don't know


Friendship is a type of intimacy and the more time you spend together, the closer you get and the more intimate you become. That's the trap


So my take is, if you want to be strictly friends with someone of the opposite gender, keep them at arms length

I am not sure if BV is serious or whether she's just saying this coz she is not in the mood for long-ass discussions but I feel exactly this description she gave above. May be I am dhurwaa who can't be trusted with hilib, sorry, I mean women lol, but I could never see myself a friend of a chick with no other feelings at all. It just doesn't work.


Sulfur, I think I lack that trust you mentioned, I mean when it comes to friendship with the opposite sex. In my "corrupted" mind, it seems the only relationship I can have with a female is one that has something extra attached to it. I remember years ago some female "family friends" I used to visit every now and then where I live and it used to always get awkward (luckily it was a whole family and not just a single person) and still I used to get very uncomfortable coz I couldn't just maintain that normal friendship etiquette required when socializing with friends which wasn't just there with female "friends".

I don't know, may be there is something seriously wrong with me.

[BlackVelvet]

may be there is something seriously wrong with me

At least waad is ogtahay

[0sman]

I ....just said...... that ...without ....thinking.

[Marques]

Big lie. I'm freinds with BV and there is no tension between us.

[Malachite]

Yes BV....If you don't make your intentions known early on, it tends become harder later on..

Curve ball

there also seems to be a false dichotomy bandied about, either he/she is your friend OR you think about having sex with him/her. Why wouldn't it be possible to have a friend you thought about having sex with? Thoughts are not equivalent to actions. Sex itself might complicate a friendship if it does happen; but it wouldn't be impossible to continue the friendship. So yes, whatever you think or don't think, regarding sex, friendship with anyone of any gender is possible

[BlackVelvet]

Big lie. I'm freinds with BV and there is no tension between us.

[BlackVelvet]

Yes BV....If you don't make your intentions known early on, it tends become harder later on..

Curve ball

there also seems to be a false dichotomy bandied about, either he/she is your friend OR you think about having sex with him/her. Why wouldn't it be possible to have a friend you thought about having sex with? Thoughts are not equivalent to actions. Sex itself might complicate a friendship if it does happen; but it wouldn't be impossible to continue the friendship. So yes, whatever you think or don't think, regarding sex, friendship with anyone of any gender is possible

Well then you're changing the rules of the game and declaring yourself the winner

As for the question I asked, you ended up answering a different one. Yes, moving things along may be awkward but you wanting more is natural progression in my opinion

[PLATINUUM]

You can be friend with your spouses friends. i find any female friend that you have and i don't know about suspect as fuck and grounds for a divorce. fuck that. unless the person was just a co worker or your ugly as fuck then ill allow it.