my two cents on marriage-from experience-

[sahal80]

It seems like somalis have politicized the marriage too!

Having seen a lot of broken marriages among the people I know, this is what I have noticed

Out side of the clan marriages r unsuccessful due to the both clans interference

The two couples r not staying in their place, they visit their relatives and get visited by them and there's a lot of

I strongly advise the woman not to marry from out side of her clan bc if he marries on her another woman who's related to him clan-wise, his clan will pressure on him regarding her

In this federalism era, every bodys future is his clan so no one is ready to upset them!

[LobsterUnit]

In this federalism era, every bodys future is his clan so no one is ready to upset them!

seal and siyaasad shouldnt mix.

[FarhanYare]

Some good points right there

[Machiavelli2]

Sahal has stated a fact that had huge negative impact on the notion of Somalinimo. In reality, the concept only exists in cyber and what unites Somalis is other people's misery like the Palestinians and when Somalis are in dire need, one would first investigate their tribe and if they don't relate to his or her tribe, they will be mocked for their tragedy. What I disgress with his solution is do we all have to succumb to this hate based ideology or, fight it so the next generation will achieve the Somalinimo our fathers desecrated and we forfeited it? Think again Sahal.

[BlackVelvet]

I have heard of this. The man being pressured to marry a girl from cidda. Depends on the guy though, is he a man or a mouse.

[FarhanYare]

...

[zumaale]

Love is meant to conquer all but not Qabil?

[Lamagoodle]

I disagree. Tribalism has been attempting to travel as far there but it has not succeeded yet. The majority of the somalis I know are not married to ppl from their tribes. There is of course always the qaraabo kill, family arranged marriages but this is nothing new.

Historically, spatiality was a factor and proximity played a vital role but urbanisation has cut the distances. In Xamar and the diaspora interclan marriages is common. Maybe, in small sparsley areas there is no choice.

Anecdotally, inter-clan (almost sounds like interracial!) last longer.

[TheMailMan]

My experience showed me that some of the biggest Qabiilists are Somali Habaryars, and there's no way you would want to be married to a woman who's from a different clan from you if your two clans have animosity. It's a harsh truth, but most failed Somali marriages are due to the in-laws interfering into the marriage and overstepping their boundaries. I've seen real incidents of mothers sabotaging their own son's marriage, or their own daughter's marriage. If you're a Somali and you come from a Qabiil that has strong animosity towards another Qabiil, it's best not to marry that Qabiil or you run the high risk of getting yourself involved in a difficult marriage, which could lead to divorce. Sometimes the truth hurts.

[0sman]

LOL @ edited 6 times in total. Sahalow, how is your Somali by the way?

[MujahidAishah]

^^^ I still don't know what his on about

But back to the thread qabil is non sense when it comes to marriage you might be 1st cousin and he could be a janjan or he could come from the enemy clan and be bari iyo ducoqabaay

This reminders me of what hoyo use to say " walal cadaray orod xoolo lugu maa heelo waa Hoodiyo Ayaan carrurto iyo raag gooba "

[Lamagoodle]

Caasho Waqooyi, ninkaan Sahal waa nin ballo ah. Baabkiisa lama gali karo. When he wrote " from experiences" I thought he married many women but after reading the thread many times, I have concluded that that isnot the case.

Nowadays, it is all about the wallet in Africa and about success in the diaspora. I was in DC once and I met this old man from Marka; reer markood asli ah. You could mistake him for being an Arab/European. He asked me what I do for a living and without thinking said " adeer gabarteeyda aan ku siyey". I joked with him and said adeer when Somalia was a country, you called us Lamagoodle and would not even let us to see your daughters and now this; what happened? He replied adeer markii aay soomaaliya burburtay ayaan ogaadey inaan soomaali ah. Meeshan waxaa ka buuxo dad aan islaan ahayn iyo dad soomaalidda ka xun LOL. I turned down the offer

[PrinceDaadi]

Lam: have you paid xaal iyo xumayn? In Somali culture to turn down offer is an offense!

[Lamagoodle]

Lam: have you paid xaal iyo xumayn? In Somali culture to turn down offer is an offense!

Not this particular time but xaal bixin has been my companion for the last decade; every qaraabo and every saaxib have been offering me. I always turn down and pay xaal.

[0sman]

Is it possible (which I think it's) he made the offer to you after he learned about your job/career and it's very likely he wouldn't have made it if you were unemployed or he didn't like your career path?