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Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

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Jugjugwacwac
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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby Jugjugwacwac » Thu Apr 14, 2016 9:21 am

I dunno man. Most interracial marriages of the Somali men and women I've seen tend to marry the qashiin from other communities. Just saying, for the guys if you're gonna marry out, go for becky the accomplished lawyer, not Samantha the hoe. And for the girls, get Jacob the doctor, not Matthew who "converted" in prison and has a past history of drug and substance abuse.




These guys are legit though. Notice how the brother is actually not that bad looking, looks to be a pious and practising Muslim? This I approve of. :up:
Career woman and promiscuous sex usually go hand in hand in non-muslim women (in many Muslim women too unfortunately), because the sources that push women to excel in their careers are the same sources who push promiscuity. It all falls under the feminist 'you go girl' mantra that is so ubiquitous in the ultra-liberal and thoroughly secularized West. Finding a non-muslim who isn't a hoe is almost impossible. It's already hard enough finding a Somali virgin girl to marry in the west, imagine gaalada.

As for the topic I take pride in my racist and Somali-supremacist views, so I'd only marry a fellow Somali. This doesn't mean i'm close-minded...close-minded means arriving at a conclusion or taking a position without analyzing an issue from all sides in it's entirety. Well for this I have, and I've decided to practice endogamy like my xenophobic and belligerent nomadic ancestors who kept my blood-line pure and free from unworthy foreign admixture.

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby Phinks » Thu Apr 14, 2016 9:50 am


Career woman and promiscuous sex usually go hand in hand in non-muslim women (in many Muslim women too unfortunately), because the sources that push women to excel in their careers are the same sources who push promiscuity. It all falls under the feminist 'you go girl' mantra that is so ubiquitous in the ultra-liberal and thoroughly secularized West. Finding a non-muslim who isn't a hoe is almost impossible. It's already hard enough finding a Somali virgin girl to marry in the west, imagine gaalada.

As for the topic I take pride in my racist and Somali-supremacist views, so I'd only marry a fellow Somali. This doesn't mean i'm close-minded...close-minded means arriving at a conclusion or taking a position without analyzing an issue from all sides in it's entirety. Well for this I have, and I've decided to practice endogamy like my xenophobic and belligerent nomadic ancestors who kept my blood-line pure and free from unworthy foreign admixture.
I agree with most of what you say except that most Somali girls, definitely not all, are morally pure of thought and pious. But I have to admit, this is anecdotal on my part. I'm only referring to my city. Perhaps yours is different.



Funny, one of my reasons for not wanting to partake in intermarriage is ensuring my bloodlines legacy. I also have to admit I have a superiority complex sometimes. But I don't think this is "racist" of us though. I have Iranian, German and Chinese friends and they're all like that as well. However, we all have a mutual respect for one another. Completely normal in my books.

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby Jugjugwacwac » Thu Apr 14, 2016 10:08 am


I agree with most of what you say except that most Somali girls, definitely not all, are morally pure of thought and pious. But I have to admit, this is anecdotal on my part. I'm only referring to my city. Perhaps yours is different.



Funny, one of my reasons for not wanting to partake in intermarriage is ensuring my bloodlines legacy. I also have to admit I have a superiority complex sometimes. But I don't think this is "racist" of us though. I have Iranian, German and Chinese friends and they're all like that as well. However, we all have a mutual respect for one another. Completely normal in my books.
Yes, my city is different unfortunately. But don't get me wrong there are still a lot of good Somali girls in my city, masha'Allah. I was in no way implying that all Somali girls are bad, I was just saying that it's not as easy for us to find a virgin Somali girl as it was for our parents generation. But no doubt, there are still a bunch of them out there, alhamdulillah for that.

Yes, I can befriend and respect people from other races and ethnicities as well. In fact my best friend isn't even Somali, go figure.

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby BVSNet » Thu Apr 14, 2016 4:19 pm

I was just saying that it's not as easy for us to find a virgin Somali girl as it was for our parents generation
You don't have to answer but out of curiosity, are you a virgin?


Also, arrogance and pride are very negative qualities in Islam. How do you guys marry that superiority complex (which by the way is not a positive thing to say about yourself, google it) how do you marry that behaviour with believing in Allah?

Ilaahey hayga cafiyo I went through an cadaan hating phase where I would say they have skin like pigs. That was so wrong on so many levels. Ilaahey hayga cafiyo

"And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colors. Indeed in that are signs for those of knowledge.." (30:22)

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby Jugjugwacwac » Fri Apr 15, 2016 5:23 am

You don't have to answer but out of curiosity, are you a virgin?


Also, arrogance and pride are very negative qualities in Islam. How do you guys marry that superiority complex (which by the way is not a positive thing to say about yourself, google it) how do you marry that behaviour with believing in Allah?

Ilaahey hayga cafiyo I went through an cadaan hating phase where I would say they have skin like pigs. That was so wrong on so many levels. Ilaahey hayga cafiyo

"And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colors. Indeed in that are signs for those of knowledge.." (30:22)
Whether a man is a virgin or not shouldn't influence his preference for a virgin bride. In an ideal marriage a man exchanges his resources, status and ability to protect for the woman's youthfulness, beauty and chastity (i.e virginity). Men don't lose their virginity, they take the virginity of women, so only women can lose their virginity. In a sexual act who is the one being 'taken' physically speaking? Think about it. Women are the gatekeepers of sex and it's their responsibility to keep their legs closed or else face the social consequences. A key that opens or has the potential to open many locks is a master key, but a lock that gets opened by more than one key is a shitty lock.

As for deen, yeah I know it's a sin for men to have zina, but I'm not talking about deen here, I'm talking about men and women's preferences in a mate, and societal judgements on pre-marital sex. Like I said women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men find women who give up the goods too easily to be repulsive. That's because promiscuity before marriage is telling him on a subconscious level that she may be promiscuous during the marriage and result in him becoming a cuckold raising kids that are not his own unbeknownst to him. It also means he's paying hefty sums for something some other guy/guys had for free. Men on the other hand are the gatekeepers of commitment, and men who are too eager to commit are repulsive to women. That because this tells a women on a subconscious level that his desperation is due to his lack of options. A man who doesn't have options and isn't desired by other women is a low status male in her mind so she'll lose attraction.

I take pride in my heritage, but I treat all people, regardless of race or ethnicity, with respect and dignity until they forfeit that right by proving they don't deserve it. Even the Prophet (PBUH) took pride in his heritage. My views are perfectly in line with Islam.

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby BVSNet » Sat Apr 16, 2016 3:31 pm

You don't have to answer but out of curiosity, are you a virgin?


Also, arrogance and pride are very negative qualities in Islam. How do you guys marry that superiority complex (which by the way is not a positive thing to say about yourself, google it) how do you marry that behaviour with believing in Allah?

Ilaahey hayga cafiyo I went through an cadaan hating phase where I would say they have skin like pigs. That was so wrong on so many levels. Ilaahey hayga cafiyo

"And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colors. Indeed in that are signs for those of knowledge.." (30:22)
Whether a man is a virgin or not shouldn't influence his preference for a virgin bride. In an ideal marriage a man exchanges his resources, status and ability to protect for the woman's youthfulness, beauty and chastity (i.e virginity). Men don't lose their virginity, they take the virginity of women, so only women can lose their virginity. In a sexual act who is the one being 'taken' physically speaking? Think about it. Women are the gatekeepers of sex and it's their responsibility to keep their legs closed or else face the social consequences. A key that opens or has the potential to open many locks is a master key, but a lock that gets opened by more than one key is a shitty lock.

As for deen, yeah I know it's a sin for men to have zina, but I'm not talking about deen here, I'm talking about men and women's preferences in a mate, and societal judgements on pre-marital sex. Like I said women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men find women who give up the goods too easily to be repulsive. That's because promiscuity before marriage is telling him on a subconscious level that she may be promiscuous during the marriage and result in him becoming a cuckold raising kids that are not his own unbeknownst to him. It also means he's paying hefty sums for something some other guy/guys had for free. Men on the other hand are the gatekeepers of commitment, and men who are too eager to commit are repulsive to women. That because this tells a women on a subconscious level that his desperation is due to his lack of options. A man who doesn't have options and isn't desired by other women is a low status male in her mind so she'll lose attraction.

I take pride in my heritage, but I treat all people, regardless of race or ethnicity, with respect and dignity until they forfeit that right by proving they don't deserve it. Even the Prophet (PBUH) took pride in his heritage. My views are perfectly in line with Islam.

I am disappointed with your argument, I expected more than the lock/key argument.

Allow me to enlighten you. From some females' perspective (not a sex in the city version of a woman's perspective) a man, and a Muslim man that is, who cannot stay away from sex before marriage is a man without self-control and one that it would be foolish to marry. Particularly because said man with no self-control will probably still bang on about being the head of the house when he couldn't even be the head of his body :lol:

Also the commitment argument is flawed; for example an attractive, wealthy man who courts well would never be accused of being repulsive.

Finally, I brought up the arrogance thing because of the previous "supremacist" comment. Not picking on you it's just something I see a lot like I said, even in myself. You don't have to explain.

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby Jugjugwacwac » Sat Apr 16, 2016 3:44 pm



I am disappointed with your argument, I expected more than the lock/key argument.

Allow me to enlighten you. From some females' perspective (not a sex in the city version of a woman's perspective) a man, and a Muslim man that is, who cannot stay away from sex before marriage is a man without self-control and one that it would be foolish to marry. Particularly because said man with no self-control will probably still bang on about being the head of the house when he couldn't even be the head of his body :lol:

Also the commitment argument is flawed; for example an attractive, wealthy man who courts well would never be accused of being repulsive.

Finally, I brought up the arrogance thing because of the previous "supremacist" comment. Not picking on you it's just something I see a lot like I said, even in myself. You don't have to explain.
Your argument has merit. And about the commitment thing, well obviously if he's attractive and wealthy girls know he has options, so yes in that case a quick commitment coming from him might not be a 'red flag' situation. So yeah I pretty much agree with you. I'm just saying zina is more destructive to a women than it is to a man, deen aside. But I do concede that a righteous women may find a man's past involving zina to be a problem cuz it can lead to trust issues.

And yes, u were justified in bringing up arrogance and how I reconcile it with the deen since I'm the one who used the word 'supremicist.' Let me retract supremicist and say proud and protective of my heritage and culture. Thanks for calling me out on this and making me think about it.

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby CountessOmer1 » Sun Apr 24, 2016 5:12 am

I think if we were truly honest with ourselves as human beings we would come to the realisation that any wholly uncompromising, steadfast, and highly resolute personal preferences of any kind are infact tinged with pockets of often subconscious prejudice.

For instance, this staunch and unwavering desire to marry a fellow Somali brother alone is not only a personal/cultural preference but it also has a lot to do with having the distinctive kiss of the fear of the unknown. Which incidentally can provide the seeds upon which potential prejudice can fruit. However, we have every right to exercise our personal freedoms with regards to choice. The real question therefore-is whether or not an otherwise reasonable and rational human being is perfectly content with writing off huge swathes of potentially eligible candidates for the sole purpose of being non-Somali?

Personally, I've made peace with this being a dedicated believer of the philosophy "Tis better to sleep with the Devil you know, then the Devil you don't". What can I say? I like my life how I like my men, easy.

Still, never say never. A reincarnated Clark Gable might bump into me one of these days whilst in line for Starbucks Chai tea. LOL
You write like Soph

I agree with you. Never say never but probably never
Thanks, but who is Soph? :)

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby BVSNet » Sun Apr 24, 2016 5:39 am

I think if we were truly honest with ourselves as human beings we would come to the realisation that any wholly uncompromising, steadfast, and highly resolute personal preferences of any kind are infact tinged with pockets of often subconscious prejudice.

For instance, this staunch and unwavering desire to marry a fellow Somali brother alone is not only a personal/cultural preference but it also has a lot to do with having the distinctive kiss of the fear of the unknown. Which incidentally can provide the seeds upon which potential prejudice can fruit. However, we have every right to exercise our personal freedoms with regards to choice. The real question therefore-is whether or not an otherwise reasonable and rational human being is perfectly content with writing off huge swathes of potentially eligible candidates for the sole purpose of being non-Somali?

Personally, I've made peace with this being a dedicated believer of the philosophy "Tis better to sleep with the Devil you know, then the Devil you don't". What can I say? I like my life how I like my men, easy.

Still, never say never. A reincarnated Clark Gable might bump into me one of these days whilst in line for Starbucks Chai tea. LOL
You write like Soph

I agree with you. Never say never but probably never
Thanks, but who is Soph? :)
Sophisticate, an SNet user who's MIA

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby CountessOmer1 » Sun Apr 24, 2016 6:53 am

What? Would this Sophisticate by any chance be the same from Somalilife? :P

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby CountessOmer1 » Sun Apr 24, 2016 7:40 am

Men don't lose their virginity, they take the virginity of women, so only women can lose their virginity. In a sexual act who is the one being 'taken' physically speaking? Think about it.
*Quirks a perplexed and bewildered brow*

Say what?

It seems your self-proclaimed supremacist-arrogance to the cultural uplifting of whatever nomadic ideals you feel need preservation also unfortunately, extends to the definition of male and female virginity.

Excuse me but you are wholly incorrect in many things its clear but in this? Most definitively. Virginity and the simple act of not partaking in sexual intercourse is not an experience which has ever been (nor will it ever be) reserved for the dominion of womankind alone. To even think such a thing is peculiar enough but then to verbally post such falsehood with such misogynistic autocracy masquerading as patriotism is, well, perverse.

If you were a virgin when you posted this comment, I dare say you shall remain so after it and quite rightly at that. In any case its not my business I only kindly ask that you keep your personalized definition of virginity to yourself.

"Taken" indeed. *Rolls eyes*

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby Jugjugwacwac » Sun Apr 24, 2016 11:18 am


*Quirks a perplexed and bewildered brow*

Say what?

It seems your self-proclaimed supremacist-arrogance to the cultural uplifting of whatever nomadic ideals you feel need preservation also unfortunately, extends to the definition of male and female virginity.

Excuse me but you are wholly incorrect in many things its clear but in this? Most definitively. Virginity and the simple act of not partaking in sexual intercourse is not an experience which has ever been (nor will it ever be) reserved for the dominion of womankind alone. To even think such a thing is peculiar enough but then to verbally post such falsehood with such misogynistic autocracy masquerading as patriotism is, well, perverse.

If you were a virgin when you posted this comment, I dare say you shall remain so after it and quite rightly at that. In any case its not my business I only kindly ask that you keep your personalized definition of virginity to yourself.

"Taken" indeed. *Rolls eyes*
The level of narcissism and utter solipsism it requires to lambast someone, then personally insult them and then 'kindly' ask them to refrain from sharing their opinions on a public forum must be staggering.

I'll give ur social justice brain a little challenge. Find me a patriarchal/conservative culture or an Abrahamic religion where the concept of male virginity exists.

Here is a verse from the Old Testament

The priest who is exalted above his fellows] may marry only a woman who is a virgin. A widow, or a divorced woman, or one who is degraded by harlotry—such he may not marry. Only a virgin of his own kin may he take to wife—that he may not profane his offspring among his kin, for I the Lord have sanctified him.—Leviticus 21:13-15 (NJPS)

Find a verse like this for men from any Abrahamic religion or a cultural concept from a conservative society that discusses male virginity/purity. Discussions of fornication won't cut it, cuz I concede that men of course can engage in zina/fornication and that it's a sin, but I'm specifically talking about the concept of virginity/sexual purity.

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby InaSamaale » Sun Apr 24, 2016 11:46 am

@Juqjuq,

Sexual purity (i.e a chastity) is quite a standard theme in our faith & the direct commandments are well recorded both in Quran & the sunnah.

The concept of chastity isn't gendered, so I really don't get your point. It's not that, zina is "just sinning" but also chastity is a virtue that should be present in the believer- both male & female.

The only thing you can argue is that yes, society has double standards on female & male chastity, which doesn't mean much. Society is made up of individuals like yourself, who seems to be rationalising double standards since it privileges your gender. No big surprise there.

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby Jugjugwacwac » Sun Apr 24, 2016 11:52 am

Sexual purity (i.e a chastity) is quite a standard theme in our faith & its virtues are well recorded both Qu'ran & the sunnah.

The concept of chastity isn't gendered, so I really don't your point. It's not that, zina is "just sinning" but also chastity is a virtue that should be present in the believer- both male & female.
It is absolutely a gendered concept. That's why I challenged her, and I'll challenge you now as well, to find something from the Abrahamic religions or our culture, in fact any patriarchal culture, that specifically discusses and extols male virginity.

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Re: Relationship Topic - Preference or Prejudice?

Postby InaSamaale » Sun Apr 24, 2016 12:16 pm


It is absolutely a gendered concept. That's why I challenged her, and I'll challenge you now as well, to find something from the Abrahamic religions or our culture, in fact any patriarchal culture, that specifically discusses and extols male virginity.



Horta lets get some terminology out of the way, chastity is encompassing of any relations outside of marriage (extra/pre). While the Quraan may not discuss male virginity outright- it does have numerous injunctions to preserve chastity (thus inclusive of 'male virginity' as you put it)

Just because it does not mention male virginitu does not mean it does not extol male virginity (given if it's lost outside the convenant of marriage it's not safeguarding chastity)


"Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity."(Quran 24:26)




The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), said: “Guarantee six things for me and I will guarantee Paradise for you: tell the truth when you speak, keep your promises, discharge your trusts, preserve your chastity, lower your gaze, and restrain your hands.” [Ahmad, Ibn Hibbaan, and Al-Haakim, Al-Haakim - Saheeh]


The men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so - for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.} [Quran 33:35]


Certainly will the believers have succeeded: They who are during their prayer humbly submissive. And they who turn away from ill speech. And they who are observant of Zakaah [obligatory charity]. And they who guard their private parts except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed - But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors.}[Quran 23:1-7]


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