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Is this a fair representation of today's Somali Family?

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TheMightyNomad
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Re: Is this a fair representation of today's Somali Family?

Postby TheMightyNomad » Wed Jul 05, 2017 9:27 pm

As far as raising the kids. I believe neither the Somali mother nor the father raises the child. Putting a roof over someones head,clothing and food in their mouth is not raising a child. In Somali society what assumes the role of raising the child is often times is the community.
lol wut? :? bal elaborate ..
Somali parents believe putting a roof over someones head, food and clothing.Their job is done. That is raising a child. When in actuality that is just supporting childs survival. This not raising in the sense of Parenting.Parenting refers to the aspects of raising a child aside from the biological relationship. It is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood.

You know that saying "it takes a village"? That's how we used to raise Somali children. People were constantly around their tribesmen/extended family so as a parent, you could afford to be emotionally or physically absent or to allow Somali boys freedom. Because the wider community would assume the role of socialization of their kids and to their upbringing. Thats is why we have a huge ceeb,xishood culture aka social control and not so much parental control.

Hence why i said this might work well in Somalia but will translate poorly in the west, where parental control should be enforced which we as community lack.

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Re: Is this a fair representation of today's Somali Family?

Postby CigaalSHiiDaaDCFC » Wed Jul 05, 2017 10:27 pm

As far as raising the kids. I believe neither the Somali mother nor the father raises the child. Putting a roof over someones head,clothing and food in their mouth is not raising a child. In Somali society what assumes the role of raising the child is often times is the community.
lol wut? :? bal elaborate ..
You know that saying "it takes a village"? That's how we used to raise Somali children. People were constantly around their tribesmen/extended family so as a parent, you could afford to be emotionally or physically absent or to allow Somali boys freedom. Because the wider community would assume the role of socialization of their kids and to their upbringing. Thats is why we have a huge ceeb,xishood culture aka social control and not so much parental control.

Yes i remember, but i dont consider that as raising a child. frist, " community" doesnt live with the kid, they dont interact with the child most of the time, they can provide guidance, advice, correct if the child is misbehaving but they cant teach the kid manners, dont have the connections and bond a parent would have with their child. and if the kid is hardheaded (qalqaali) they may not even bother. the responsibility of raising a child whether its proving shelter/food/lookin after or teaching them manners, responsibilities etc lies with the parents only.

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Re: Is this a fair representation of today's Somali Family?

Postby InaSamaale » Thu Jul 06, 2017 12:27 am

I always thought the village raising the child idiom was moreso in relation to support systems women had to help each other.


Example: When a woman gives birth, a younger female relative will come cook, clean, help with the other children for 40 days

You always have walaalo, habaryar, eedo, Ayeeyo helping out, communal babysitting with friends/ neighbours...


I think this picture has truths to it, but it's changing with us millenials and probably be unheard of among centennials. :)

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Re: Is this a fair representation of today's Somali Family?

Postby TheMightyNomad » Thu Jul 06, 2017 5:06 am



lol wut? :? bal elaborate ..
You know that saying "it takes a village"? That's how we used to raise Somali children. People were constantly around their tribesmen/extended family so as a parent, you could afford to be emotionally or physically absent or to allow Somali boys freedom. Because the wider community would assume the role of socialization of their kids and to their upbringing. Thats is why we have a huge ceeb,xishood culture aka social control and not so much parental control.

Yes i remember, but i dont consider that as raising a child. frist, " community" doesnt live with the kid, they dont interact with the child most of the time, they can provide guidance, advice, correct if the child is misbehaving but they cant teach the kid manners, dont have the connections and bond a parent would have with their child. and if the kid is hardheaded (qalqaali) they may not even bother. the responsibility of raising a child whether its proving shelter/food/lookin after or teaching them manners, responsibilities etc lies with the parents only.
First and foremost do not cut my posts in half and qoute me consistently out of context. It gives off the impression that you are only looking for answers and narratives to solely satisfy your bias and not serious assessment of reality. You have to be able to entertain views that don't coincide with your own.

Secondly like i explained here, which you cut out btw.
Somali parents believe putting a roof over someones head, food and clothing.Their job is done. That is raising a child. When in actuality that is just supporting a childs survival. This not raising in the sense of Parenting.Parenting refers to the aspects of raising a child aside from the biological relationship. It is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood.
Providing cleaning, shelter,food and clothing is not Parenting. They do not connect emotionally with the child. Somali parents do not develop the kid emotionally,socially, or intellectually even if they are physically there. Somali parents are largely uninvolved because they emotionally absent.
Children with little or no communication with their own parents tended to be the victims of another child’s deviant behavior and may be involved in some deviance themselves. This also explains why in the west Somali children suffer in social competence, academic performance, psychosocial development and problem behavior.

In Traditional Somali society we have what one would call ''Communal parenting''
Most Somali children have a strong network of extended families who contribute to parenting toddlers to adulthood, through turbulent teenage years. Indeed, many sociologists cite the breakdown of the extended Somali family network for the ills of Somali modern society.

Thats why Somali children typically don't have that much parental control(especially the boys) instead we have a culture empowered by Social control. The community instills behaviors, values and character at the same time look out for you. The community socially pressures you and even shames if you act outside what is moral or outside the collective norms.

Hooyo's and Aabo's hardly do any parenting if not any at all. That responsibility falls onto the extended family aka the village, again this translates poorly in the west.

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Re: Is this a fair representation of today's Somali Family?

Postby CigaalSHiiDaaDCFC » Thu Jul 06, 2017 5:47 am

ali parents do not develop the kid emotionally,socially, or intellectually even if they are physically there
Well, if that was the case for you it wasnt for many of us. The picture you are painting doesnt exist in our community not to the extent you think its. A kid is most likely listen to his parents than a stranger or a distance relative. As i said before u cant teach/discipline a kid when you dnt live with them. U seem a confused say walahi kid. If you werent born and raise in somalia/somaliland or djib than u dnt know what u talking abt.


Hooyo's and Aabo's hardly do any parenting if not any at all. That responsibility falls onto the extended family aka the village.
Again speak for ur self buddy. Mine did and "community" didnt raise or parent me.

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Re: Is this a fair representation of today's Somali Family?

Postby TheMightyNomad » Fri Jul 07, 2017 6:54 am

Well, if that was the case for you it wasnt for many of us. The picture you are painting doesnt exist in our community not to the extent you think its. A kid is most likely listen to his parents than a stranger or a distance relative. As i said before u cant teach/discipline a kid when you dnt live with them. U seem a confused say walahi kid. If you werent born and raise in somalia/somaliland or djib than u dnt know what u talking abt.
Stop trying to interject me or yourself into the topic of discussion. This is neither about you nor how i was raised.

You are confusing western norms for Somali norms. Someone from your extended family or clan etc is no stranger in Somali society. They are your adeer,habiryar, awoowe,in adeer, ayeeyo . In Traditional Somali society kids are thought to respect their elders. i.e Their auntie, uncle , older siblings/cousins ,grand parents. Extended family, neighbors etc they all chip into raise and monitor the children. Now this doesn't work out in the west for obvious reasons as you can imagine.

This is a fact. Ask anyone who has grown up in Somalia and they 100% agree. I have observed this myself first hand.
Again speak for ur self buddy. Mine did and "community" didnt raise or parent me.
Listen here i am not speaking about you or I. Obviously my parents weren't traditional at all. In my house we didn't have gender roles and both my parents extended parental control over me.

I am talking about Somali society in general, how a cultural norm practiced back home in a rural setting(Communal parenting) , does not work nor translate well in urban sedentary western society. Somalis being mostly refugees from rural areas end up sticking to what they know best and end up trying to apply the same norm in the different context.

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Re: Is this a fair representation of today's Somali Family?

Postby TheMightyNomad » Fri Jul 07, 2017 7:18 am

@CigaalSHiiDaaDCFC It's like you are blind to the fact that Somalis are a collectivist society. Everything is based around community. You need to stop searching for answers that only satisfy your bias or what makes easy sense.

I am willing to hear your disagreements. But actually bring forward potent informed arguments aimed towards my points. Not these silly character attacks and misrepresentation by quoting me in short sentence pieces out of context, excluding everything else i said. You need to able to entertain views outside your own.

One thing i've noticed is how incapable some Somalis are in discussing problems and issues without finger pointing or using generalizing and degrading language.You would think with all the education floating around that these so called ''Western diasporians'' as a whole would have a high regard for basic common sense-- such as Read and then offer an informed opinion. Avoid replying to an issue with vitriol and rhetoric.

Empty rhetoric that appeals to the emotions of the populous, has no loyalty to comprehension and tangible solutions.

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Re: Is this a fair representation of today's Somali Family?

Postby CigaalSHiiDaaDCFC » Fri Jul 07, 2017 7:30 pm

^ you write alot of bullshit but say very little smh. I dont have to write essays to state a simple fact, that most somalis arnt or werent raised by "community" adeer you arnt even qualify to talk this subject since u are " Eyeska hurtka generation" :lol: anyways lets agree to disagree.

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Re: Is this a fair representation of today's Somali Family?

Postby TheMightyNomad » Sun Jul 09, 2017 5:58 am

^ you write alot of bullshit but say very little smh. I dont have to write essays to state a simple fact, that most somalis arnt or werent raised by "community" adeer you arnt even qualify to talk this subject since u are " Eyeska hurtka generation" :lol: anyways lets agree to disagree.
I don't write bulshitt, every last bit of what i said is factually true. It's backed by firsthand observational experience and analysis of the dynamics of the Somali community.

It is also backed by research as well. You can be in denial all you want, there is no agree to disagree.

Family Matters: Intergenerational Conflict in the Somali Community
http://www.londonmet.ac.uk/media/london ... munity.pdf
The communal aspect of Somali culture also means that children will be
regarded as the responsibility of the whole community with any adult having the right
to speak to any child about their behaviour
(Harris, 2004)
In Somalia, family roles are well –defined with the
father as the top of a hierarchy and responsible for providing financial security.
Mothers are responsible for all work in the home including cooking, cleaning. These responsibilities are often undertaken communally and this is reflected in the pooling of resources.

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Re: Is this a fair representation of today's Somali Family?

Postby UniQueen » Sat Nov 04, 2017 2:30 am

Bullshit!!!!! Majority of Somali fathers are good and provide well for their families. Just bc your father was absent you dont need to generalize and say "is this a fair representation of today's Somali family?" No its not not even CLOSE. I hate when the small percent who have absent fathers try to speak on behalf of the majority who have Great amazing fathers and trying to potray that we all have absent fathers lol!!! I blame SJW Somalis who ruined our Somali aabos reputation.


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