Actual call centre conversations
Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and
can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
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Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for
Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you
are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it
clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the
AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the
number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the
wall".
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover
me when I am travelling in Australia?"
Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling
in France):
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the
steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed
Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the
spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the
Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company
in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label;
Woven in Scotland".
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds
from a phone box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write
the number on".
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a
pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point?".
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click'
and I wrote 'click'".
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Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of
the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen
from there?"
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Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support
employee.
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I
help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with
WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all
of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like
now?" br
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything
when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you
get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the
screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor
around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it
won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power
indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that
looks like a TV. Does it have a
little light that you when
it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the
monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and
tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you
notice that there were two cables
plugged into the back of it, not
just one?
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back
there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's
plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on
something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the
right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and
the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A
power...................................... A power failure? Aha, Okay,
we've got it licked now. Do you still have the
boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the
closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your
system and pack it up just like it was when you got
it.Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller : "What shall I tell them ? "
Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to
own a computer!!!!!"
