..............., An example of a â€carbon offset†would be this: When Al Gore burns X amount of natural gas to heat his swimming pool, he offsets this energy usage by investing in solar panels for another family, or in companies that will plant trees, etc. On the surface, and everywhere else for that matter, this might seem like a ridiculous concept. After all, what if we were to propose a â€murder offset†(i.e. a homicide is justified as long as the killer offsets the death by impregnating another person)? If that makes sense to you, then good, you’re ready to start your own Carbon Offset, Inc. franchise.'
Source: mensdaily
March 6, 2007
By Doug Powers
An enormously lucrative business opportunity is on the way, and we all have a chance to get rich for doing absolutely nothing. That’s right – nothing.
Sure, we hear about these types of â€businesses†every day, scams all, but for the first time ever I believe such an entrepreneurial opportunity exists that is not only on the up-and-up, but will also help save the planet.Al Gore’s star is on the rise. The former veep was recently the proud recipient of an Academy Award for his film on global warming. Since nothing is more inspiring than watching a staunch environmentalist proudly receive recognition and adulation from an industry that is the second largest polluter in California, Gore’s Oscar win made me want to help save the planet too.
I’m calling my business – our business – Carbon Offset, Inc. Here’s how it works:
As you may have heard, there is a practice called â€carbon offset†which is employed by people who burn inordinate amounts of fossil fuels and do other environmentally ugly things during the course of their lives.
An example of a â€carbon offset†would be this: When Al Gore burns X amount of natural gas to heat his swimming pool, he offsets this energy usage by investing in solar panels for another family, or in companies that will plant trees, etc. On the surface, and everywhere else for that matter, this might seem like a ridiculous concept. After all, what if we were to propose a â€murder offset†(i.e. a homicide is justified as long as the killer offsets the death by impregnating another person)? If that makes sense to you, then good, you’re ready to start your own Carbon Offset, Inc. franchise.
The problems with Gore-style â€carbon offsets†are many. First and foremost, there appears to be a conflict of interest that harms the environmentalist movement. In the aforementioned instance, Al Gore pays some of these â€carbon offsets†to a firm partially owned and chaired by … Al Gore. Sometimes ‘’saving the planet†can be as simple as taking money out of your left pocket and putting it in your right one.
Secondly, what’s in it for me? We consumers need for there to be something in it for us if we’re going to embrace any movement. For example, if Al Gore can offset his large heated swimming pool by paying for somebody else’s solar panels, then why can’t I offset my SUV simply by not having a large heated swimming pool? Because Al Gore gets no money or power out of that kind of microcosmic offset. But what if we all got some money?
Al Gore, Bill Clinton and countless others have claimed that man-made global warming is a greater threat to humanity than terrorism. This means not only that we’re approaching that horrific day when terrorists realize they can wreak more havoc by leaving a car running than by blowing it up, but that there’s a fortune to be made by not only creating carbon offsets, but by being one.
With this announcement, I’m officially launching a business to help Al Gore save the environment. How will it work? Simple. Let’s say Barbra Streisand wants to take a limo to the airport and a private jet from LAX to JFK, but doesn’t want to pollute the air. All Barbra would have to do is cut a check for $7,500 to Carbon Offset, Inc., and myself and several of our associates won’t start our cars or mow our lawns for three days. For an extra $1,000 we’ll plant an evergreen tree. From what I’m told, this will somehow make Barbra’s limo and jet burn much cleaner. You can’t argue with the science.
The more money Carbon Offset, Inc. receives from those desperate to neutralize their lifestyles of energy gluttony, the less our associates will drive and fly. We’ll essentially do nothing. Best of all for Al Gore, we’ll be too busy counting money to bother challenging unproven climatological theories being passed off as fact. That’s our pledge. We’ll even go on a flatulence reducing diet. It’s an across the board win-win for everybody involved.
Come on, environmentalist energy consumers. You know who you are. Let those of us at Carbon Offset, Inc. be your carbon offset. Send your checks today and continue your jet-set lifestyles free from a bothered conscience and safe in the knowledge that the more you burn, the more we earn, and the more Mother Nature smiles (probably because she’s laughing at us).
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