when u & ur friend like the same guy

[BlackVelvet]

Rubbish, wrong is wrong no matter who does it. If a girl does it she's loose, if a guy does it he's loose. Come to think of it, such people should marry each other so Murax maybe you are right in a totally different plane, maybe you should get experience so that you can get the girl you really want. Play the field, get 'experience' and when you're ready to settle down Inshallah may you, and the men you are talking about, be blessed with wives who carry themselves in exactly the same way that you do.

[Murax]

Rubbish, wrong is wrong no matter who does it. If a girl does it she's loose, if a guy does it he's loose. Come to think of it, such people should marry each other so Murax maybe you are right in a totally different plane, maybe you should get experience so that you can get the girl you really want. Play the field, get 'experience' and when you're ready to settle down Inshallah may you, and the men you are talking about, be blessed with wives who carry themselves in exactly the same way that you do.

First of all do not think I am talking about myself, no need to inject Me in this I'm just a miskeen dude


That being said I look at all sides/angles. Ofcourse its wrong for a girl to get the label as lose or a hoe, for being with a lot of different guys and the guy getting a pass as a player. Even in My family if I was to go out and the family heard about stuff I was doing as a girl, My Dad would just be like "Wiilka iska dhaaf He's just being a Man". If it was My Sister (WOuld never happen) It would be literily the end of the world. Whether right or wrong and whether u and I agree with them or not, the stuff I mentioned is how things shake down at the end of the day. Just because I recognize and notice these things doesn't mean I delve into it myself

[Warsan_Star_Muslimah]

I thought this was light-hearted topic, it has got intense yaha.

I too have seen two girl-friends been dated by the same guy. To be honest if they are all grown-ups, then it shouldn't be a big problem, and I mean they are just TALKING to each other, and then it turns out they don't suit. He then speaks to her friend who he also knows is a good girl, voila, it works out they get married. Kan problemo? Meh, I don't see any problems to that. Personally though, it is not my cup of tea, I don't like it. I also abhor serial daters, serial chat-upers, akhas.

Anywho, friends and husbands are like Oranges and Apples, maxa iska sheego jiro? With that said, I don't leave 'husbands' for friends are we joking here? No way. I'm building a family here, and if my friend has a problem with my husband then she needs to leave the scene. I'm being truthful. A friend who has a problem with her friend's husband is a friend with no manners, unless I know for sure my husband is at wrong here. Again, it would mean I'm married to a man with no manners, but I will try to sort out the problem then, but if the problem is my friend.....

Family is a whole different thing, but even then how close are we talking here?

If it is a guy I'm getting to know and he has problems with me having ANY friends, then this is a RED flag, saxiibeey if you get with that guy waa basically your darn fault. In those cases my friends over the control freak. And we pray for a sane partner.

'Ala ayee xaal, tawakal 'alallahi wakafa billahi wakila.

[BlackVelvet]

First of all do not think I am talking about myself, no need to inject Me in this I'm just a miskeen dude


That being said I look at all sides/angles. Ofcourse its wrong for a girl to get the label as lose or a hoe, for being with a lot of different guys and the guy getting a pass as a player. Even in My family if I was to go out and the family heard about stuff I was doing as a girl, My Dad would just be like "Wiilka iska dhaaf He's just being a Man". If it was My Sister (WOuld never happen) It would be literily the end of the world. Whether right or wrong and whether u and I agree with them or not, the stuff I mentioned is how things shake down at the end of the day. Just because I recognize and notice these things doesn't mean I delve into it myself

Why are you being so coy all of a sudden? I thought we were talking about Your Boy and how it was his prerogative to be loose...and birds of a feather...

Jokes aside though I am glad we have come to the conclusion that this gender prejudice is infact wrong.

[SultanOrder]

I completely disagree

[Murax]

First of all do not think I am talking about myself, no need to inject Me in this I'm just a miskeen dude


That being said I look at all sides/angles. Ofcourse its wrong for a girl to get the label as lose or a hoe, for being with a lot of different guys and the guy getting a pass as a player. Even in My family if I was to go out and the family heard about stuff I was doing as a girl, My Dad would just be like "Wiilka iska dhaaf He's just being a Man". If it was My Sister (WOuld never happen) It would be literily the end of the world. Whether right or wrong and whether u and I agree with them or not, the stuff I mentioned is how things shake down at the end of the day. Just because I recognize and notice these things doesn't mean I delve into it myself

Why are you being so coy all of a sudden? I thought we were talking about Your Boy and how it was his prerogative to be loose...and birds of a feather...

Jokes aside though I am glad we have come to the conclusion that this gender prejudice is infact wrong.

Yea we were talking about My Boy but My Boy is just a microcism of how things are these days. Also, the fact that I'm playing a little devils advocate doesn't mean I'm being coy, this wasn't about me particularly

About how gender prejudice is wrong ofcourse it is no question about it, but the fact is that it is the accepted norm today. Girl with a history=Hoe. Guy with a History=Player/Pimp etc. On the Guy end the miskeen dude, who will most probably be the nicest to a particular girl, who has no history will have the hardest time finding a girl. These are the Guys that after years of trying have their family bring them a girl from Kenya, who most probably is a crazy sharci doon girl herself who will leave him as soon as she comes to the States and the nice miskeen dude is even screwed een more. Girls get a raw deal when it comes to gender equality with the whole 'reputation' stuff and the miskeen Guys finish last. Not everythings fair in the world



Warsan Star,


I mean they are just TALKING to each other, and then it turns out they don't suit. He then speaks to her friend who he also knows is a good girl, voila, it works out they get married. Kan problemo? Meh, I don't see any problems to that.


I agree with this

[BlackVelvet]

Murax waan u fiirsadey and sounds like people say "good girls finish last" and "good guys finish last" just to excuse not so good behaviour. If you're smart about what you want then you will get it. No need to leave a string of broken people behind because karma is inevitable.

I mean they are just TALKING to each other, and then it turns out they don't suit. He then speaks to her friend who he also knows is a good girl, voila, it works out they get married. Kan problemo? Meh, I don't see any problems to that.

Warsan it would be understandable if it's the way you say it, he was talking to one, she wasn't right, talked to the other who he knew was more what he wanted and she was perfect. That is reasonable lakin 10 times? 10 girls who are all friends? If that isn't a red light I don't know what is.

[Murax]

BV,

I don't believe in "Karma" per se its not part of our Religion. That being said, I agree that theres no reason for a Guy to do a girl dirty to get what She wants and vice versa.



About the whole "Nice Guys finish last, girls have it unfair" I wasn't condoning it saying that, that is fair but it is what reality is today. Personally I'm a realist to the nth degree and would always want to hear how things are, then to think idealistcally. I kind of get the sense I'm a extreme realist and You are a tad bit on the idealistic side lol

[BlackVelvet]

What are you on about Karma is the corner stone of Religion, you do bad, you get bad

Surah 55, V 60. Is there any reward for good other than good?



You know an idealist is just an optimistic realist, at least that's how I view it You keep saying that you're not condoning these stereotypes but if you accept it in your own understanding of life then you might as well be. I observe people and how they carry themselves but just because a majority behaves in a certain way doesn't make that behviour right. And if I know it's not right why would I pretend it is?

[SultanOrder]

*PO puts on his glasses*

Karma is a hindu concept only applicable to their specific doctrine. Hindu's believe in an ever repeating cycle of the universe and existence, meaning we have lived the same lives infinite times already, and will continue to live it infinite more times. Without this understanding you come to a flaw in this concept of karma, where good neccessates good and evil brings upon evil with everything trying to correct itself. How can this be if existence has a beginning, then you begin to ask yourself which came first good and evil, and then how did the other come about. If good was the first action then more good should of follow, continuing to eternity, and evil vice versa. So, Karma cannot be applied to our conception of Haq, and Tauwbah which can cancel out the evil you have done without being punished with more evil for it.

Continue discussion.

[BlackVelvet]

Actually when I say Karma I speak more of the Cause and Effect explanation in Buddhism. You get what you give.

[Murax]

BV,

The Hindu understanding of Karma cannot be applied in Islam. In Islam the person may be punished on earth for violating somebody, or they may not be punished on earth for it but punished in the afterlife. They can be punished in both, and they could be forgiven altogether for the action. As I understand it the Hindu application is like a definite if You do X, Y will happen to You and You will be reincarnated as such, and so on. I know You didn't mean a direct corrolation and I understand Your point, but still if someone does wrong, they can seek forgiveness and not 'pay for it' necessairly.



About, accepting reality meaning condoning, I don't think thats what I mean really. The way I see it is You can view things according to Your moral principles and get burned when the harshness/reality of the world hits You. Or You can accept reality for what it is, operate under those conditions and not get burned

[BlackVelvet]

I don't know about hinduism but buddhist believe that you can change your karma, it's not an inevitable end. But neither of us is buddhist so I guess the point is moot.

[Murax]

^^


Personally I do not do any comprative religion etc. type reading. I'm ignorant in My own religion why would I learn others?

[Warsan_Star_Muslimah]

BlackVelvet,

I truly understand where you are coming from. I guess some people don't like to leave their 'comfort zone' and surroundings.

But from an arguments point, what if the 10 girls know each other, are 'friendly' with each other but not tight friends? I mean if it is just talking I don't see the big issue. I so would talk to several guys till I find the one that I like, and when I say 'talk' I mean it like an interview. Not mid-night phone calls, lovey dovey, xabibi xayaati kinda business. What is it my business if they are all friends? Seriously, I think it is a bigger issue if they are sleeping with each other.

Back in Somalia, this close qaraabo family (basically same laaf) came to ask for a daughter from my father, and voila they were guaranteed a daughter. No lie it was a simple as that, and what was stranger was the fact that they didn't ask for the 'eldest girl' as it is done like that traditionally. Maya, gabarta igu yara ee aheed, only tooban iyo shan. Ayadanee maa raabin intee aroosta, but you don't say NO to my father and so my other sister aa uu 'shuukamisaay.' In my honest opinion 10 girls seeing one guy is more sane to me, than all of the girls of a household being lined up then you choose your pick. What I'm trying to say is, I might find it wrong but for others it is completely fine, and for some girls and guys, going from one friend to the next is cool.

I don't know. But what I know is, I don't like it. Especially if it is the 'Western' dating type.

Perfect Order,

Such xasid you are, why did I get into this discussion? It is depressing me out! You could've warned me! I so should've said, continue the discussion.

Even worse, 'good girls end up with bad guys and good boys end up with bad girls' I guess we have to prepare for the worst?