Sheikh Monk is Getting Married, Advice maybe Needed

[Monk-of-Mogadishu]

LOL!

Proof please. A pic will do.

Give me a moment, I'll verify it.


Avicenna, how I feel about women is a default worldview that came into my life. Its not a choice I made. Anyway, this is a serious topic and the advice I'm looking for is marital advice for those who have gone through the process or have been around the process a lot. I already know what I want and how to get it, I'm just looking for general info about the Somali matrimonial experience.

[UlteriorMotive]

LMAO

this thread is a madness.

Even worse is the girls who took it serious and are replying. I think he's just f-king around.

Either that or he's a psychologically damaged individual devoid of any emotion.

Stressing your rationality will not aid you this time my socially inept friend.


Monk is this you sxb

[gemini07]

I'm a solid looking 21 y/old bull, I can't think of any reason why any non-whore would reject me - I'm of the belief that your experiences with Somali women were with the trashiest demographic, I've seen radically different results.

i think you should stick with a girl back in africa if that's where you want to relocate to in the near future. insha allah everything works out for you.

[Avicenna]

Monk - the Somali matrimonial experience is a reflection of most pastoral societies. It's a patriarchal, male oriented arrangement with much emphasis on producing offsprings, the sooner, the better. Women get sustenance, protection and children. While men get maid services, sexual gratification, societal respect and children. This was how it's been for centuries and very little has changed for most Somalis. Of course this is all theory and not applicable to everyone, but I'm sure you knew as much. If you're serious and want to have a traditional Somali marriage, it's your choice, but there's no need to be disrespectful of women, specially if you wish to have children. Marriage is whatever you make of it. There's really nothing hard about it, contrary to what most claim. It's like most relationships you develop with people over your lifetime and is only as good as much effort you put in to it.

You sound like you crave dominance and feel the need to demonstrate your societal role after reading the stuff you write, which is reflective of your age. Last thing I want to do at my age is control, subjugate or exercise gender superiority over a woman. Maybe about 10 years ago when I was your age. After a while, these sort of girls you describe start to bore you and it becomes hard to ignore their flaws. All in due time.

[Monk-of-Mogadishu]

Avicenna, I never said that I disrespect or treat women in an ill manner, I just said its a worldview that has forced itself on me - I don't actually exercise that view and never have, so its a non-issue at the moment.

I don't want to exercise my "dominance" over anyone, there is no complex psychology at play here, I simply want a wife who makes my life easier and who is as simple as I am - I don't want a big house or luxury cars or to live in excess materialism nor do I want a life based around simple comforts no matter how rich I become. In any case, my role among my social circle has always been the center of activity, the guy who breaks the latest news or walks into a room and sparks conversation, or the first to respond to any topic. I don't need my wife to debate back and forth with me all day, I will be the one (as I've always been) who piques her curiosity and educates her on complex subjects and open her mind - in any case, 99% of women (you see it on this forum too) are devoid of intellectual activity (with strong exception to MJ women), they simply are averse to extracurricular knowledge and for whatever reason they tend to reject enlightenment [this is an observation not an insult]. My only intellectual criteria is that my wife be knowledgeable on the faith, something that she can teach me as well our kids in turn. Other than that, I see no need to discriminate based on educational background, there are countless young girls and baadiya women who are wittier, more independent, and more worldly than their PhD-holding counterparts.

I think you mistake me for someone who is speaking without deep reflection or maturity. I understand the world around us better than anyone you or I have ever met, and I understand it to the point that I've already jumped several decades in mental age and can make decisions as well as hold beliefs that are sound. If anything, I used to be strongly attracted to the "fierce"/"challenging" women when I was younger, but that's changed with age. The most successful and joyful marriages in my family usually involve one of my quiet/reserved aunts, my mom as well.

More so than anything, a "modern" woman wants "modern" things based on a material platform - which is the exact opposite of what I want. Most of all I need a wife that will go where I want to go in life and who trusts me to take my promise of security and well-being to heart. I think what you, Avicenna, among other men here completely fail to understand is that women like what you describe as "dominant" men, it is both sexually appealing to them, and gives them security. The argument that a woman would reject a man who exhibits dominance and simplicity is an absolute joke, women have demonstrated too many times that it is exactly what they want; I just wanted to clarify that point for anyone else (especially the bitter ladies) who tries to fool themselves into believing that lie.

[MrSinister]

You should really step up your mind games, aren't you a bit too old to be throwing around badly-disguised insults?

Like I said, I'm a simple ass person. If I could have food in front of me and skip the cooking, I would. If I could have my income at once and skip the working, I would. And if I could have my wife and skip the childish shit in between, I would.

I want someone I can bang, who will clean the house and cook for me, and carry my children. That's it. I don't care for her education, "personality" or any other BS. I know that bothers you on a disturbing level, but those are my preferences.

If finding one's lifelong companion in a modest fashion is 'desperation' to you, so be it. If your idea of finding a spouse is dating and fingerbanging in a movie theater or a pair of grown ass people flirting over the phone like teenagers or vetting for marriage every single person of the opposite sex who interacts with you. No thanks.

I simply don't think that spending months or years with someone doing pointless shit and trying to make a marriage out of it, is the way to go. That being said, any woman who enters any kind of relationship with a man without the absolute guarantee or intention of marriage after a short period, is not worth the time.

[quark]

Walle monk is an old school cat today's courtship practices are not for simple minded niccas

[Nanees]

Youre so weird

You'd be best matched with somebody with espergers, and absolutely no interest in social conventions and unproductive conversations.

[SultanOrder]

oh monk you are among those who i have always disliked on this forum.... that is all I wanted to say

[Avicenna]

Monk - I've never doubted that you're a young man who has been blessed with foresight and grand ambitions, may they come out to be true, inshallah. I only meant to bring to your attention that simplicity as you define it may prove to be more elusive to acquire than the equation you've conjured up in attaining it. From experience, younger women are a handful; they're often times shallow, easy to please, have little or no grasp on the realities around them and may lack loyalty. So, rather than limiting yourself to a certain age group, it might do you more good to focus your energy on someone with similar ambitions and background. In the end, it all comes down to your long-term goals. If your plans are to return to your family's farms in Jamaama - I doubt a ph.D. holder carries any weight. But, if your plans are to wed here and raise a family in North America, then a resourceful wife who can be a companion as well as a partner in raising your children becomes crucial.

This is where I always tell my male relatives to marry from their peers (there are plenty decent, simple girls looking for decent, simple men in the West). For compatibility and practicality reasons. I see it as a grave injustice to import a gullible, ignorant, wide eyed teenager from Somalia to North America as though she were a commodity, when there are numerous good girls here to begin with. These girls usually end up locked away in some run-down apartments day after day. After leaving behind their family and friends, and everything theyve ever known, they silently suffer from seperation anxieties. Getting knocked up every year, living in perpetual loneliness, alienation and never-ending post-partum depression. This isn't her environment, it may be for the husband, but certainly not her. If anything, she will be a burden, constantly needing reassurances, consoling and time to adapt to her new surroundings.

It may surprise you, but women actually desire to be wooed by someone with similar traits, than someone they fear, are unsure about or find to be alien. I've met enough women who swore by me that if some women had d!cks, they would rather be in relationships with them than any man. Basically, they want a man who's a rough neck, but able to get all feely and emo with them once in a while. Women love drama and are easily bored without it. Simplicity is an alien term in their vocabulary, it's pure biology, they can't help it. Sometimes, I create drama for no reason with them, just to balance things and have some peace.

[SultanOrder]

^look at this bloke writing three paragraph reply


Koronto, I don't like you much either...

[Avicenna]

P.O.

What the hell happened to you, man?

[Twist]

Avicenna, I never said that I disrespect or treat women in an ill manner, I just said its a worldview that has forced itself on me - I don't actually exercise that view and never have, so its a non-issue at the moment.

I don't want to exercise my "dominance" over anyone, there is no complex psychology at play here, I simply want a wife who makes my life easier and who is as simple as I am - I don't want a big house or luxury cars or to live in excess materialism nor do I want a life based around simple comforts no matter how rich I become. In any case, my role among my social circle has always been the center of activity, the guy who breaks the latest news or walks into a room and sparks conversation, or the first to respond to any topic. I don't need my wife to debate back and forth with me all day, I will be the one (as I've always been) who piques her curiosity and educates her on complex subjects and open her mind - in any case, 99% of women (you see it on this forum too) are devoid of intellectual activity (with strong exception to MJ women), they simply are averse to extracurricular knowledge and for whatever reason they tend to reject enlightenment [this is an observation not an insult]. My only intellectual criteria is that my wife be knowledgeable on the faith, something that she can teach me as well our kids in turn. Other than that, I see no need to discriminate based on educational background, there are countless young girls and baadiya women who are wittier, more independent, and more worldly than their PhD-holding counterparts.

I think you mistake me for someone who is speaking without deep reflection or maturity. I understand the world around us better than anyone you or I have ever met, and I understand it to the point that I've already jumped several decades in mental age and can make decisions as well as hold beliefs that are sound. If anything, I used to be strongly attracted to the "fierce"/"challenging" women when I was younger, but that's changed with age. The most successful and joyful marriages in my family usually involve one of my quiet/reserved aunts, my mom as well.

More so than anything, a "modern" woman wants "modern" things based on a material platform - which is the exact opposite of what I want. Most of all I need a wife that will go where I want to go in life and who trusts me to take my promise of security and well-being to heart. I think what you, Avicenna, among other men here completely fail to understand is that women like what you describe as "dominant" men, it is both sexually appealing to them, and gives them security. The argument that a woman would reject a man who exhibits dominance and simplicity is an absolute joke, women have demonstrated too many times that it is exactly what they want; I just wanted to clarify that point for anyone else (especially the bitter ladies) who tries to fool themselves into believing that lie.

[Murax]

Thanks GK, I knew you would agree.

Murax, I think you bought way too much into what these "21st" century girls want you to think. Any woman who wants to be "chased" can go fuck herself, I don't do that shit, I simply don't have time for it and I have too much logic and dignity to take part in that stuff. Do guys get played? Yes. But they're usually older men who lack confidence and throw themselves at women. I'm handsome as fuck and embody the definition of swagger, no Somali girl would turn me down and none ever have, I think it'll stay that way. In any case, if you think I'm going after these latte-sipping pseudo-medical majors who hang out at the university patio, nooooo my friend. The girls I've got in mind are in the family network, a bit younger than me, and they are either qaxootis or they live overseas. I also strongly disagree with you that attractive girls are a headache - its only attractive skanks who do that, but 99% of the time its some ugly skeezer with an inflated ego; personally the prettiest Somali girls I've seen were extremely shy and modest. I think you should go and redo your survey because I've had much more favorable experiences. I think you overthink this too much, things are much simpler; I'm a solid looking 21 y/old bull, I can't think of any reason why any non-whore would reject me - I'm of the belief that your experiences with Somali women were with the trashiest demographic, I've seen radically different results.

LOL @ the latte sipping, pseudo-medical majors


First as far as Your credientials as a bachleor Mashallah, Hopefully You get even more. That being said I'm telling You right now, even the shiest, most reserved girl who is even semi attractive will kind of shudder at the thought of having their Parents bring them a Guy. Right or wrong most of these girls who grew up in the West have some sort of phobia about 'arranged marriage' and what You describe sounds a lot like that. When I say 'chase' what I mean is that You're gonna have to talk to the girl, tell her what she wants to hear, u sheekey, make her sweat a little bit then she has no problem if You come to her Dad. This is most girls though, the only other girls that would be okay with You coming to their Dad fall in two categories:

A VERY Religious Girl: She really wants to get married for deen reasons mainly, and is not interested in flirting etc.
A deserperete/not so attractive Girl: She will marry anybody, and if the person is brought by Her Parents or not she doesn't care.


That being said since You mentioned qaxooti girl, etc. excusing the demeaning word 'qaxooti' then yea I can def see a girl from that kinda backround being ammendable to this as thats how people back home get/got married.

[Monk-of-Mogadishu]

Murax, again I will reiterate that you have just had a unique experience that gave you a bad taste, I have had a radically different experience with Somali females, and even partially applicable to all females I've come across. But I am finally grasping what you mean when you say that girls may "shudder" at the idea of their father "bringing" them a guy - I have several very suitable sisters who would have a similar reaction if they didn't see the guy - but that's entirely because they haven't seen the guy or ever met him, and the trend in this custom tends to be older/undesirable guys seeking out girls in this fashion. I think what's more likely for me, which clarifies why this process will be much easier, is that the girls that I ask for (or actually, far more likely it'll be girls my parents choose, and who will by default have an idea of who I am) will, as I detailed, know who I am at some level. If I said that I would find a stranger and setup the marriage without any familiarity, I exaggerated and did not mean it. Personally, I never thought about this approach to marriage, but after the last year or so of parents, aunts/uncles, and even cousins trying to set me up with girls (very attractive ones, holy shit you'd be shocked how good they look, although you may feel guilty since they are 15-17 y/old ) I realized that perhaps this is not a bad idea; the most recent family attempt at playing matchmaker had me paired with a girl so gorgeous that even the old men who saw her couldn't stop talking about her hours later - his girl was so damn stunning that you'd be challenging yourself to a futile game if you tried finding a better looking Somali female specimen. God damn I can't get her off my mind even though I don't even remember how her face looked ( ). Also, for the record I have zero accomplishments as I stated earlier (not even a top 3 in elementary school field games), but I've laid out a plan in progress to build a viable lifestyle in a short time frame.

Nanees, that is ironic that you say my conversations are pointless when 99% of what I talk about online or in real life pertains to social, philosophical, historic, or political topics. ---as for saying I'm anti-social, I think that's just ridiculous; I am the king of socialization, able to spark debate and enlightenment in every dull circle I've ever walked into. At no point in this topic did I say that I didn't want a wife that is unsociable, I have no idea why everyone equates Westernized etiquette & lifestyle to some gold standard or default worldview. I prefer a non-Westernized Somali partner or one who lives in the West yet understands old school values & lifestyles, you guys are drawing so many irrational conclusions from that simple premise.

Avicenna, thanks for the lengthy reply, s-netters these days can't express themselves beyond the length of a text message unfortunately. I should have been more clear about the kind of situation I will likely see but its hard to say how it'll unfold. For sure my future is in Jamaame but depending on when I go there (and for how long at a time) and the opportunity to get hitched, I may do it here with a girl I meet or am setup with or I may find someone back home, its a 50-50 scenario so its hard to be specific on some details due to the uncertainty of my situation. Also, my gripe is not with educated women, since it happens to work wonderfully in the marriages of Asian/South Asian-American couples where, for whatever reason, traditional etiquette is maintained as if the couple had never left the homeland. Educated/Professional Somali women, virtually all of those I've known, do not have the same mindset as their Asian/South Asian-American counterparts upon entering a marriage. I know several "professional" Somali couples, they order out practically every meal, and their kids have no culture. As I stated before, I'm not discriminating on education among Somali women, I am only citing my experiences & observations and using them as a reference point; if I found an educated Somali female I liked, I would not ignore her, but when you have a guy like me who has strong convictions about his path in life and I have to argue with my ambitious spouse about where our family will go (one of us will have to lose) it becomes a headache. I don't even know any Somali females in my age range who care about Somalia let alone entertain the idea of living there, so that's another bonus about marrying a girl that lets you make those big decisions for the household.

I also don't disagree that there are numerous good girls here, heck my sister is the greatest candidate (not for me lol) in the world for wifey - she's shy, not materialistic at all [same as me], ambitious but not blinded by it, essentially she's perfection defined - but she too would have strong reservations about going to Somalia. More importantly, considering my complete lack of familiarity with the Somali community along with the fact that these "good girls" are "hidden" as you said, the odds of me finding a suitable girl here on my own are extremely slim - practically to the point that we can safely rule it out and not dwell on it. Also, the scenario you described with these "imported" girls you speak of is very true but its not like those are my intentions if I did ever "import" a girl; furthermore I'm not careless about the decision-making process, I have tons of eligible distant female relatives (so what, it happens) across the globe but I've never inquired or thought much about them; as I stated to Murax in this post, the entire concept came by total accident to me, and I embraced it due to the positive few encounters I've had with it. In any case, no woman who I marry is going to regret being with me; I'm very sociable & flexible, I have many sisters and women in my life that I've learned to deal with, I'm very charitable and enjoy the company of people and helping them, and most importantly she would enjoy the sex.

To your last point, you misunderstood what I stated about women wanting assholes (which is very true) and interpreted in an extreme direction. Furthermore, once again I must point to you as I did to Murax that you guys have had vastly less desirable experiences than I have. Despite what I say about the majority of today's women, I have seen many humbling examples. I honestly think you guys have been around too many skanky hoes who pass themselves off as ladies, or you've been fooled by the sights of your materialistic female relatives who would put rappers & their "bling-bling" ghetto fabulous lifestyle to shame (every family has a set of aunts who are excessively into the finer things in life, to a disturbing degree). I don't know how you guys drew those conclusions but my experiences strongly disagree with your theory. I have one aunt, my favorite aunt, due purely to her humble & peaceful personality, who got married to my uncle when she was in her early 20s, after his brother [the man who was supposed to marry her] experienced an untimely death (AUN). This woman accepted to take part in the local custom and married the younger brother [whom she had no closeness nor preexisting physical attraction] knowing that she would be starting from scratch with him. Since their wedding 21 years ago, they have forged a beautiful relationship and they exhibit the highest amount of affection and concern for one another [genuine "love"] that I have ever, ever, ever witnessed in a Somali couple, and they also have the closest bond with their children I've ever seen in a Somali family. This great woman never played the "games" you speak of nor entertained these adolescent idea that one can or is even allowed to get "bored" of their life partner. And best of all, she gained zero pounds since the day she got married even after 5 kids - that there is my standard and my aim, that is a perfect marriage & relationship involving an ideal woman, and there you have two people who understood this ill-treated concept of love.

In closing this post I'd like to say that the immature, insufferable, infantile attributes and behaviors you've come to accept as the standard protocol for Somali women is wrong and should not be be readily accepted, and its a notion that I believe and know can be totally avoided in a relationship/marital union. With the example above of my aunt & uncle, you have two people who entered a very standard agreement (marriage) in a very unique situation and with no intimacy between them, and despite it all they did their best to make something good out of it, and the results were simply beautiful. That's where I stand. I will not "bore" of my wife as you guys put it so lightly, I mean who in the fuck even thinks like that - my wife isn't in this world to entertain me like some kind of clown, and vice versa with my role in her life. Your wife is your family by social & legal definition and she encompasses all of the familial qualities shared by your brother/grandma/uncle, you can't just decide one day to divorce your brother or mother, and the same applies to your spouse - people in general need to grasp that rule and give marriage the proper respect and reverence. You really have to condition yourself out of the American mindset & approach towards marriage and relationships in general, this worldview has even corrupted their family life. Put me in a sacred union with any unfamiliar woman [assuming she's mentally sound and physically passable] and I will make it work; I'll tend to her physical and mental needs like I do for my family and my friends, I will provide her sustenance and basic human needs plus any simple comforts I can afford for her, I will dedicate 100% of my free time to being around her and being attentive to her social needs [one of the reasons I reject the 9-5 lifestyle and plan to live my own way -> family-first], and most importantly I'll repeat again that she will receive optimal sexual satisfaction day-to-day. I think earlier you guys may have spent too much time dwelling on some of the woman-skeptical statements I've made in the past and have struck that label on me and use it to interpret all of my posts on this subject. False. I have a healthy respect for human and animal and even plant life, and by default this includes human women as well ( ). I have a strong respect & appreciation for relationships, social health, and human bonding & intercultural cooperation; so by that belief, any woman who enters my life through marriage and thus becoming family, shall receive my mother's, siblings', aunts'/uncles', grandparents', and father's esteem, reverence, and priority in my life. Any woman I marry will have to be accorded with the highest degree of care on a consistent basis, cuz I don't ever plan on entertaining divorce, it is not part of my lexicon - if I start to like someone (like my friends/no homo) I will do all that's possible to keep them in my life. You guys need to see the light.



[...f-king hell that's a huge post, I didn't even notice. ]