Dumarka-Sexual desires in a marriage

[MujahidAishah]

Smh udun you need to fix up.. Ok a virgin gets married after the first night she's a non virgin ... We are not saying for a newly wed to start demanding different position and to start hanging from shower rods *wink*
But after a while a woman will know what hit the spot and what doesn't...

If your wife starts demanding a spice up in your Sex life will you think she was a ciyaal suuq as an example..

[Inaayah]

If a woman has sexual relations with her husband and she feels unsatisfied afterwards, that some how means she's been around the block a few times because she knows what feels good and what doesn't?

With your logic, sheekadu waa waxba ha i sheegin about our bedroom antics because you'll bruise my ego and I'll have to accuse you of being a woman who slept around before me. Because apparently virgin women are suppose to be dead fishes with no dareen and shouldn't be able to differentiate between what feels good and what doesn't.

Ok@Gegiroor

[lifeisbloodyhard]

Truth hurts. I raised valid questions and people should address it, instead of resorting to personal attacks.

A virgin woman before marriage would never question her husband as long as he himself is not involved in zina. If there is an illness involved, it is a different matter. But Muslima with dignity would never throw her husband under the bus because he's ill and not performing.

But unmarried Muslim girls contemplating dropping their husbands if he is not good on bed even before they get married???

It seems some of the girls' minds and morals have been destroyed by the prevailing western culture

Somalis have a saying for such women: "Taas hogaankaa u go'ay"

Dude, madaxa galiy, sex is an important part of marriage. Resentment will build if one person/both is not satisfied. There is a reason why it says in the hadith not to jump on the woman and to have foreplay. It's not just about procreation. No one is saying divorce the man after one night of shit sex. I'm just saying, if it doesn't work after a long time of trying to improve things, it's time to give up. No point wasting both your times.

Ill maxaa meesha keenay. That's a different story. Mida kale, don't forget people have needs. This is how affairs and shit happen and this need was placed in us by Ilahi. We can't get rid of it

[lifeisbloodyhard]

Smh udun you need to fix up.. Ok a virgin gets married after the first night she's a non virgin ... We are not saying for a newly wed to start demanding different position and to start hanging from shower rods *wink*
But after a while a woman will know what hit the spot and what doesn't...

If your wife starts demanding a spice up in your Sex life will you think she was a ciyaal suuq as an example..

[dvision01]

there is a reason why it says in the quran not to jump on the woman and to have foreplay

where in the Quran does it say that.? which ayah and sura.?

[lifeisbloodyhard]

there is a reason why it says in the quran not to jump on the woman and to have foreplay

where in the Quran does it say that.? which ayah and sura.?

My bad. It's a hadith:


Imam al-Daylami (Allah have mercy on him) records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said: “One of you should not fulfil one’s (sexual) need from one’s wife like an animal, rather there should be between them foreplay of kissing and words.” (Musnad al-Firdaws Of al-Daylami, 2/55)

[zumaale]

Gerigoor

I think what the sisters are trying to say is that a virgin will gradually discover what turns her on or not, it ain't necessarily about hitting the sugar walls. What works for one might not work for another. Some that are blessed, just need a stroke of the inner thigh and they are on their way to cloud number nine, others need a lot more exploring. Some men are not sensitive or ignorant when it comes to such matters and think pleasuring is all about banging the Ceeb. If a woman communicates her needs to a husband, it does not mean she has a past and if the spouse ignores her needs then he is a selfish lover.

p.s Eating ceeb, golden shower, anal etc do not count as needs.

[MujahidAishah]

Smh udun you need to fix up.. Ok a virgin gets married after the first night she's a non virgin ... We are not saying for a newly wed to start demanding different position and to start hanging from shower rods *wink*
But after a while a woman will know what hit the spot and what doesn't...

If your wife starts demanding a spice up in your Sex life will you think she was a ciyaal suuq as an example..

*high5*

You got the shower rod joke

[lifeisbloodyhard]

Smh udun you need to fix up.. Ok a virgin gets married after the first night she's a non virgin ... We are not saying for a newly wed to start demanding different position and to start hanging from shower rods *wink*
But after a while a woman will know what hit the spot and what doesn't...

If your wife starts demanding a spice up in your Sex life will you think she was a ciyaal suuq as an example..

*high5*

You got the shower rod joke

I didn't. It just sounded funny. Surely the shower rod would break..

[lifeisbloodyhard]

Gerigoor

I think what the sisters are trying to say is that a virgin will gradually discover what turns her on or not, it ain't necessarily about hitting the sugar walls. What works for one might not work for another. Some that are blessed, just need a stroke of the inner thigh and they are on their way to cloud number nine, others need a lot more exploring. Some men are not sensitive or ignorant when it comes to such matters and think pleasuring is all about banging the Ceeb. If a woman communicates her needs to a husband, it does not mean she has a past and if the spouse ignores her needs then he is a selfish lover.

p.s Eating ceeb, golden shower, anal etc do not count as needs.

A lot of it is in the head as well. I can get to cloud 9 just by thinking about something. Touch isn't always needed to go to cloud 9.

Like right now, i'm on the bus and I can probably think myself to orgasm but it won't be a big one. No joke.

[gegiroor]

If a woman was a virgin when she first got married, she will always be happy with her husband if illness and zina are not involved. That is a scenario that is well-known in the world. How many times you saw a girl searching for the first guy who broke her virginity in Western based talk shows? If men and women safeguard their private parts before getting married, they have nothing to worry about sexually speaking.

That said, unless there is a huge gap in age and no zina involved, sex is never a problem for majority of the time.

But if the girl was with a lot of guys before as it is common Western society and she brings memories from her encounters with many men into the relationship, audubillah no decent Somali man would be sticking around for such girl. Talk or no talk, such women would never maintain a healthy relationship. Mark my word, that is a reality. You fool around, that past comes with you.

p.s.my comments are not directed against anyone. I am just saying it!

[lifeisbloodyhard]

If a woman was a virgin when she first got married, she will always be happy with her husband if illness and zina are not involved. That is a scenario that is well-known in the world. How many times you saw a girl searching for the first guy who broke her virginity in Western based talk shows? If men and women safeguard their private parts before getting married, they have nothing to worry about sexually speaking.

That said, unless there is a huge gap in age and no zina involved, sex is never a problem for majority of the time.

But if the girl was with a lot of guys before as it is common Western society and she brings memories from her encounters with many men into the relationship, audubillah no decent Somali man would be sticking around for such girl. Talk or no talk, such women would never maintain a healthy relationship. Mark my word, that is a reality. You fool around, that past comes with you.

p.s.my comments are not directed against anyone. I am just saying it!

What are you talking about? Walaal/walaalo, you're confused. That's what we are trying to say. She will not always be happy. Virgin or not, she will know what feels good and what does. She knows sex is supposed to be pleasurable so if she doesn't feel any pleasure whatsoever, she will investigate it and see what the problem is. It might be her or him or both. Illness iyo waxaas wa special circumstances.

[zulaika]

To the married and unmarried ladies of Snet

People get married for various reasons:

Companionship
Children
Security
Intimacy etc

We all know that sexual relations play a big part in a marriage and so if your husband isn't satisfying those needs, it's a purely a legit reason to ask for a divorce. BUT imagine telling raga ehelka your reasons for wanting this divorce and say your husband wasn't satisfying you in this department how would you deal with this matter, taking your husbands feelings into consideration?

This topic can be a little awkward for most to talk about so let's try and be mature about it.

why would u involve ehelka? Those intimate details should never be discussed with anyone else. If a woman is dissatisfied with her husbands performance, she should tell him, and if she decides it's grounds for divorce..then she should express it to him and find amicable route to go their separate ways. The couple should exhaust all possible means to resolve the issue by themselves before reaching out to outside help. I WOULD NEVER EVER discuss the intimate details of my relationship with my husband with anyone other than my husband...or my gyno(when required) ..most certainly not some elder relatives..God forbid

On a serious note, I can't imagine a woman hanging the entire worth of her relationship with her husband, solely on the fulfilment of her sexual desires...and worse seek divorce.

That being said everyone has a right to live a life that is agreeable to whatever they deem fulfilling.

[BVSNet]

I can't imagine a woman hanging the entire worth of her relationship with her husband, solely on the fulfilment of her sexual desires...and worse seek divorce.

Hi Zuli


I'm going to play devil's advocate here and ask, can you imagine a man doing so?

[CountessOmer1]

A difficult dilemma indeed, and one that has occurred across many a culture and through many a century since. However, I think it would be a mistake to bring this most delicate and intimate an issue to your male -tolka to begin with, let alone as grounds for a divorce. Please do not mistake me, sexual desire is part and parcel of humanity and a woman has every right to feel as satisfied in this most biological of needs as a man and has every right to go forth with her grievances. However it's unfortunate that we also come from a society which represses at worst and at best completely ignores the notion of female sexuality. Times change and people grow wiser and more understanding of the fact that a husbands deeds towards his spouse extends far beyond providing sleeping quarters and the occasional gifting of the latest house trends or fashions. Yet, very little I tell you has changed with regards to the fragility of the both the masculine minds capacity for logic and his never ending ego. *Smiles*

So the real question is not how to broach this subject to your tolka but would you truly wish to and could you?

You'd be surprised to find that there is very little that cannot be resolved by honest, heartfelt communication and so side with those who have stated as such. Tolka can only sort out so much. My advice would be to not to expose oneself and ones husband to ridicule amongst his peers and male elders of his and her tribe. No doubt they'll make a laughing stock out of the couple. If in dire straits and the couple truly wishes to make a go of things they should seek council from a more appropriately confidential religious/professional source if need be and only if both parties are willing.

If all else fails. Crush a quarter of rohypnol, three drops of liquidised Vitamin D, one male centered Multi-vitamin and 2 tablets of cialis into his evening cup of tea on the nights you feel like some action and viola! He's all yours. Frat boys have nothing on a woman on a mission