Postby jecelowj » Fri Oct 26, 2018 2:22 pm
I was an extremist once. I would never question the religion in fear of missing out the great Jannah. I would fight with anyone who raises question or tries to be westernized. I was disgusted with them and shun them. I don't know why i was doing that. I would be happy if anything bad befalls the non-believers. I used to justify the wrong things Islamists were doing around the world. I think i was very ignorant at the time. Whenever the thought of how bad my religion confronted me, i used to ignore it and blame it on Sheydan until i asked myself the question one day (Why would Allah punish all those that are not Muslims in long lasting hell in hereafter? Why doesn't he reward people for being good not for being a muslim?). I looked at all the fundamentals and compared with what i know for a fact and it came down to me, i am scammed literally.
I stopped doing anything in the name of Allah. I would do things when they please me. I started to quit the Mosque. I stopped doing Salah and Saum. I acted as a good muslim around friends and family. I love my family and i don't want to lose them. I am still a muslim because of my family and my girlfriend who is a muslim too.
I don't have a problem being a non-practising muslim. It is really a good feeling. My family thinks i am practising, they know i am not a religious person but they r ok with the fact that i am a muslim. I hate lying to them and i just wanna tell them but i love my mother so much that the thought of lossing that connection makes me lie to them.
I am not living with my girlfriend now but we r planning to marry soon. She doesn't know that i don't believe in being a muslim anymore. I love her so much and i wanna keep her even if it means becoming a good muslim. I would worship her if that is what it takes. I can be anything for her but hopefully she will not be a religious person too. I cannot wake up in the middle of the night to pray, that is not my thing. Hopefully she will understand. I don't wanna bring up the subject. I already told her i am not a religious person and she is ok with it.