Medical Notes...

[Madd_Scientist_]

These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his aeroplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

[Buhodle-Gurl]

laughin @ number 4. 9. 18. 20 & 30

[Babygirl-]

OH GOD..

[LaQaNyO]

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. imagine

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. Just now i met with this little 14yrs old somali girl who is anorexic and im not talkin about jst another skinny somali... walahi i was shellshocked

[black velvet]

Those notes cannot be recent

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his aeroplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

[Madd_Scientist_]

9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

[LaQaNyO]

I jst noticed greater glasgow.... makes sense now, scottish people hey

[Madd_Scientist_]

and where are you based if i may ask? The land of opportunities?

[LaQaNyO]

lol did i hit a nerve... your not scottish though are you blimey
Land of opportunities? is that another sarcastic expression for England

[Madd_Scientist_]

blimey ey?! loool, it's cool...you're a brit so you can make fun of us ingliis

[LaQaNyO]

Do you really live in Scotland and speak with the accent ... this one needs a CORE BLIMEY

[Madd_Scientist_]

No, i speak like the queen

[LaQaNyO]

pisstaker musqusha isticmaal noh

FYI i dnt speak like the queen i have more of a scottish accent people respect me cause they are scared of the way i speak

[eyes-only]

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

WTF....you're kidding me right?

[Madd_Scientist_]

Laqanyo-

"..makes sense now, scottish people hey"



Eyes- shocking huh?