Married or previously married people - in hindsight what would you have done differently?

[SiennaEarth]

LOOOOL follow him? Who has time for that when you can just accuse and see the truth from his reaction?

It's less about him telling the truth or lying and more to do with calibrating the amount of trust you've placed in him using empirical evidence.

Besides if you accuse someone you put them on the defensive and cause a lot of drama. Quietly iska daba raac then watch him from a distance like a creepy, insane, stalker

lol you're crazy

[SultanOrder]

A lot of unsolicited advice from unmarried folks, and very few solicited advice from married folks, go figure.

How would you know who is and isn't married?

Because they openly say so.

[YummyMummy]

Inaadeer there's a very good reason for this. Everyone looks for certain important characteristics in someone. For me, that is 4: diin/salaat, akhlaaq/generous personality, good reputation/family background, and financially stable... none of those are derivatives of good looks. I'm not saying it's mutually exclusive; it's just bloody rare. Hence I fear someone like that might make you compromise on those important characteristics, so yes, I would discriminate.

The only thing I'd tell you is to not discriminate us handsome chaps, it's possible we can have everything you just mentioned and still be handsome on top of that lol j/k

On a more serious note: I know I haven't been here long, but wallahi those are some of the wisest words I have ever seen written by a woman with respect to relationships/marriage. Talk about thinking with your heard rather than your heart, very well said Yummy. If I have a daughter (and insha Allah I hope I do), I would love for her to think like then when seeking her potential husband.

mahadsanid walaal, may Allah make us of those who do what they say, aamiin.

[TheblueNwhite]

BV

Got a question for you.

Would you let your husband go out with his friends on the weekends (guys n girls)?

I can't stop a grown ass man so it's not up to me, if he wants to go I wouldn't make a fuss. I would however follow him and see how he interacts with said "friends", if I get the slightest inkling that something ain't right that's when I start looking for his secret account

Why would you follow him?

Lets say these "friend" waxaa ka dhaxeeya "DAN" i.e. $$$ opportunities, business deals. It is not like friends who chill together only. Ma fahamtey. He is not jealous of your friends so why would you be jealous of his.

[BlackVelvet]

BV

You gonna have to trust your man sweetie. If you need to follow him and put him under some study to have evidence based result...waxaas oo kale wa wali
Hada xuuman raadis waa halidoonta, sometimes you just take the good with the bad. And in this case, if he is respectful of you and your marriage, no need to dig any further.

It's actually quite logical, the complete opposite of waali

Also not xumaan raadis, you see what you see and then you take the good with the bad, seeing as you will have actual evidence of both and not made up stories in your head. Very healthy approach

Why would you follow him?

Lets say these "friend" waxaa ka dhaxeeya "DAN" i.e. $$$ opportunities, business deals. It is not like friends who chill together only. Ma fahamtey. He is not jealous of your friends so why would you be jealous of his.

I would follow him in order to observe how he behaves in his "chill together" habitat. Why judge him based on my imagination when I could just go and see?

In terms of the dan, it depends on how the guy behaves. There are plenty of people who work together, however if you're mixing business with pleasure...i.e. $$ with chilling, then would make a girl wonder what you do when you're taking a break.

That said, with females what I've noticed is that it's never just one thing. If you've not been taking the bin out when you said you would and you've been leaving the toilet seat up and then you came home later than you said you would and then next week you're going out with "friends" some of who are female

See what I mean? Completely unrelated but in someone's mind could fit together neatly to build a picture of a husband who si not interested or committed to the relationship oo leysku haleynkarin, that you should probably keep your guard up with

[EvolSyawla]

A lot of unsolicited advice from unmarried folks, and very few solicited advice from married folks, go figure.

How would you know who is and isn't married?

And Who was or who wasn't.

[PrinceDaadi]

Reality is always different from these conversations

[SummerRain]

BV

You gonna have to trust your man sweetie. If you need to follow him and put him under some study to have evidence based result...waxaas oo kale wa wali
Hada xuuman raadis waa halidoonta, sometimes you just take the good with the bad. And in this case, if he is respectful of you and your marriage, no need to dig any further.

It's actually quite logical, the complete opposite of waali

Also not xumaan raadis, you see what you see and then you take the good with the bad, seeing as you will have actual evidence of both and not made up stories in your head. Very healthy approach

Why would you follow him?

Lets say these "friend" waxaa ka dhaxeeya "DAN" i.e. $$$ opportunities, business deals. It is not like friends who chill together only. Ma fahamtey. He is not jealous of your friends so why would you be jealous of his.

I would follow him in order to observe how he behaves in his "chill together" habitat. Why judge him based on my imagination when I could just go and see?

In terms of the dan, it depends on how the guy behaves. There are plenty of people who work together, however if you're mixing business with pleasure...i.e. $$ with chilling, then would make a girl wonder what you do when you're taking a break.

That said, with females what I've noticed is that it's never just one thing. If you've not been taking the bin out when you said you would and you've been leaving the toilet seat up and then you came home later than you said you would and then next week you're going out with "friends" some of who are female

See what I mean? Completely unrelated but in someone's mind could fit together neatly to build a picture of a husband who si not interested or committed to the relationship oo leysku haleynkarin, that you should probably keep your guard up with

given your response to Blue, your premise is on a partner you don't quite know. You would have these thoughts only if the relationship has a rocky foundation, you are unsure of him given previous events that made you highly suspicious and/or lastly you're paralyzed by boredom. Besides we can't corroborate disinterest on his side if he leaves the toilet seat up etc....that never should warrant a stalkerish behavor from a spouse. Some men are by design forgetful and lack the capacity to understand little things that matter to women.

[BlackVelvet]

given your response to Blue, your premise is on a partner you don't quite know. You would have these thoughts only if the relationship has a rocky foundation, you are unsure of him given previous events that made you highly suspicious and/or lastly you're paralyzed by boredom. Besides we can't corroborate disinterest on his side of he leaves the toilet seat up etc....that never should warrant a stalkerish behavor from a spouse. Some men are by design forgetful and lack the capacity to understand little things that matter to women.

I feel like I am coming across like a crazy person

This really makes sense when you think about it.

If a woman has a reason, whatever it may be (no matter how solid or shaky a foundation) to doubt her man, then she should find out for sure before she goes off accusing him or throwing tantrums. If you have a hypothesis, go ahead and prove it. No need for drama.

Also a man who doesn't pay attention to the little things will eventually make a mess of the big stuff. That's why I rate people on little things that they don't realise they're doing, good or bad. IMO that's what it comes down to.

[SultanOrder]

BV just needs a man to put her in her place, than she can deal with all her worry, insecurity, and anxiety.

[COOL-MAN]

If you don't trust your other half. Just pack and go or if the hse is yours let them go. No point staying with someone you don't trust. You are wasting and ruining your life.

Suspicion is haram.

[BlackVelvet]

BV just needs a man to put her in her place, than she can deal with all her worry, insecurity, and anxiety.

Ey ha kuugu kaadiyo maku dhihi kari ee aflagaadada jooji

If you don't trust your other half. Just pack and go or if the hse is yours let them go. No point staying with someone you don't trust. You are wasting and ruining your life.

Suspicion is haram.

True, suspicious minds = unhealthy

[Jeffo]

You guys are talking about marriage when i cant even pick up my cat to pet it.

[TheMailMan]

My Uncle told me: Never get lazy with your wife. Don't be complacent. Always do what's good for her, be romantic with her even 10 Years into the marriage, and make sure you have good communication with her.

[SultanOrder]

BV just needs a man to put her in her place, than she can deal with all her worry, insecurity, and anxiety.

Ey ha kuugu kaadiyo maku dhihi kari ee aflagaadada jooji

I don't even mean it in a terrible way, but it's no one's place to stalk me, let alone my wife. Any sane person would go ballistic, and that is one sure way to end a relationship, because it just goes down hill from there. And yeah, you insane.