Irrational decisions

[InaSamaale]

When do you begin to worry about an individuals' irrational behaviour ? Say, the person in question is someone you know really well, known to be a sensible person lately is withdrawn, highly sensitive and paranoid ( perceives that the whole world is against them). Makes the most irrational decisions such as completely of a selfish nature or plain idiotic, acts on whim (decides to move to a different country and doesn't tell anyone) among other things I can't really specify.

When do you begin to think it is something sinister rather than a rebellious phase? How do you bring this up without ostracizing them any further ?

[SultanOrder]

How old are they? 25-28?

[Alphanumeric]

You don't.

[InaSamaale]

How old are they? 25-28?

Yes.

[Basra-]

InaSamaale aka inaa dhulbahaante



Perhaps the person in question is trying to run away from you. Have you thought of that scenario? Either way, if the person has every right to do what they want, its only you, who have a selfish self interest that want the person to stay close to u.

[CushiticReflections]

As their friend, I think it's best to talk to them about it. However, this requires you to be very careful in how you communicate your concerns with them. If they are withdrawing and being paranoid, then they are feeling distrustful of people and isolating themselves. Simply by being there for them and talking with them, you are providing that person with some sense of normalcy and perhaps hope that they may be wrong or that this can change for them. But if you say nothing, they might fall in deeper and worsen. I wouldn't recommend staying silent.

So bide your time, listen to them (but don't agree if your don't believe in what they're saying), and show that you care. Respect that they need some space but don't allow him to isolate himself further. Eventually start gently communicating things that you miss, such as how you both used to partake in a certain outgoing activity together or something similar. Judge whether or not you can get deeper into the topic based on his response. If he goes silent or shows some discomfort, relent for now. If he doesn't, use your intuition and say what you think is best and honest. Be careful not to sound accusatory and be sure that you are not the only one speaking, as his silence may be a sign that he will turn away from you. Listen to what he has to say and respect it, even if you don't believe it. If you can, try to find out what caused his change and why he holds onto these new thoughts.

If, after all this, he decides to cut you out of his life, try to connect with him once again. If he refuses, then let it be. You did your best by being an honest, caring friend but you can't change him and you would doing your friend and yourself a disservice by remaining silent about this.

[Basra-]

Cush



With all due respect. I think that advice was too long walaal. It made me yawn and puke at the same time.

[InaSamaale]

Cushitic, I tried to talk to them about it before and let's just say I'm not in there good graces. Unlike other people close to them I'm not completely written off but I definitely feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I was caught up on their out of character behavior, I had not considered telling them what I miss about them, thanks for your advice.


Basra, if that were the case, I would know what to do. Thanks though.

[DonCorleone]

When do you begin to worry about an individuals' irrational behaviour ? Say, the person in question is someone you know really well, known to be a sensible person lately is withdrawn, highly sensitive and paranoid ( perceives that the whole world is against them). Makes the most irrational decisions such as completely of a selfish nature or plain idiotic, acts on whim (decides to move to a different country and doesn't tell anyone) among other things I can't really specify.

When do you begin to think it is something sinister rather than a rebellious phase? How do you bring this up without ostracizing them any further ?

I think your friend found a Girl or something.

[InaSamaale]

Person I was referring to is also female.

[BigRedBook]

You leave them alone. Let them figure out whatever they need. They are not paranoid about the fact that someone is out to get him, it is already happening thanks to you and those around you, as you mentioned here, "How do you bring this up without ostracising them any further?" What makes you think you know any better? It is pure arrogance to go out of your way to "help" someone who you think is falling off the rails. It's just a step away from chaining them to a boulder like they do in Somalia, because they think the person is "nuts." Unless the said person asks you for your input, what makes you think they want you to baby them? Leaving the country and not letting anyone know says a lot more about the people they are avoiding rather than the crazy person. Helping them to stroke your own ego is not right.

In short, leave the person alone and stop being so nosey.

[Basra-]

Again redundancy is not necessary, A one sentence advice of --STOP BEING NOSEY would have sufficed.

[ZubeirAwal]

As their friend, I think it's best to talk to them about it. However, this requires you to be very careful in how you communicate your concerns with them. If they are withdrawing and being paranoid, then they are feeling distrustful of people and isolating themselves. Simply by being there for them and talking with them, you are providing that person with some sense of normalcy and perhaps hope that they may be wrong or that this can change for them. But if you say nothing, they might fall in deeper and worsen. I wouldn't recommend staying silent.

So bide your time, listen to them (but don't agree if your don't believe in what they're saying), and show that you care. Respect that they need some space but don't allow him to isolate himself further. Eventually start gently communicating things that you miss, such as how you both used to partake in a certain outgoing activity together or something similar. Judge whether or not you can get deeper into the topic based on his response. If he goes silent or shows some discomfort, relent for now. If he doesn't, use your intuition and say what you think is best and honest. Be careful not to sound accusatory and be sure that you are not the only one speaking, as his silence may be a sign that he will turn away from you. Listen to what he has to say and respect it, even if you don't believe it. If you can, try to find out what caused his change and why he holds onto these new thoughts.

If, after all this, he decides to cut you out of his life, try to connect with him once again. If he refuses, then let it be. You did your best by being an honest, caring friend but you can't change him and you would doing your friend and yourself a disservice by remaining silent about this.

A*

[hargaysaay]

May be this person in question just needs some space , be left alone for a while ... about the whole moving to another country thing ..well , i say let him be .
he is grown enough to handle himself , give him advices , but never tell him how to live . and stop passing unfair judgements on him .

[InaSamaale]

You leave them alone. Let them figure out whatever they need. They are not paranoid about the fact that someone is out to get him, it is already happening thanks to you and those around you, as you mentioned here, "How do you bring this up without ostracising them any further?" What makes you think you know any better? It is pure arrogance to go out of your way to "help" someone who you think is falling off the rails. It's just a step away from chaining them to a boulder like they do in Somalia, because they think the person is "nuts." Unless the said person asks you for your input, what makes you think they want you to baby them? Leaving the country and not letting anyone know says a lot more about the people they are avoiding rather than the crazy person. Helping them to stroke your own ego is not right.

In short, leave the person alone and stop being so nosey.

I don't know any better. All I know is that humans don't change attitudes/character overnight. As you can tell in my opening post, I am clearly unsure about what may cause them to act in this manner. I understand I did not provide convincing examples besides the spontaneous move, but there are other things that I don't feel entirely comfortable sharing.

Would you just let the person be, if you thought there was even the slightest chance, of this being the beginning of something serious ?