I wholeheartedly believe that the Middle East, as a whole, needs to have a heart-to-heart with Oprah. To explore its issues with communication and why these countries are so jealous and hateful of one another.
Honestly, I’m just glad my head remained intact. I should note, however, that I was “debating” with upper-middle class people and higher. Anything lower than that, and decapitation would seem likely. This is especially worrisome now that over 50% of the representatives in the newly founded Egyptian parliament are sporting bushy beards and feel rather strongly about this issue.
This inability to talk frankly and honestly extends well beyond religion and includes politics, which is why we will forever live in a literal “hot-zone.” We don’t talk, we yell. And that’s why we’ll probably never invite Israel to the “Join if you live near or in the dessert” private group on Facebook.
This is why I wholeheartedly believe that the Middle East, as a whole, needs to have a heart-to-heart with Oprah. To explore its issues with communication and why these countries are so jealous and hateful of one another. The following depicts the dialogue that would most certainly take place:
PALESTINE: We were all happy, until she [Israel] came along. She won’t keep her paws [tanks] off my boyfriend [metaphor for the land]!
ISRAEL: There we go again, he was never yours. I saw him first; get it through your thick, veiled head!
(Catfight breaks out.)
SAUDI ARABIA: You guys done fighting yet? Good. So Oprah, let’s talk investments.
OPRAH: We’re here to talk about your feelings, Saudi.
SAUDI ARABIA: But what about the oil—
OPRAH: And for the last time, I don’t want an oil barrel named after me.
(Bewilderment prevails over SAUDI’s face… not that you can see it.)
MAURITANIA (lesser known Arab country): May I interrupt? I think what Palestine meant to say—
SYRIA: Quiet, they want real Arabs. What are you doing here again?
MAURITANIA: I have the right to be here, this is a free—
SYRIA: “Hey, we never said we were democratic!” [Real quote from Bashar El-Assad, Syrian President.]
UNITED ARAB EMIRATES: “Shush, you guys! This is such a pivotal moment for the Arab nation. We must honor it. Umm, let’s build the world’s largest… err-Oprah monument. That way we’ll have the first and the biggest! We have a lot of those, Oprah.”
OPRAH: “Will it be like Statue of Liberty big?”
And that’s the end result of most western interventions… that and war, of course.
LeaveGodOutOfIt 2
“The Middle East needs to have a heart-to-heart with Oprah to explore its issues with communication.” (image by Qusay Today)
So I’m dedicating this column to those who refuse to talk and keep an open mind. And to the people who think their god is too sensitive to take a joke and to the atheists who have taken it upon themselves to “enlighten” the blind, mislead masses, I beg you all to be offended. God doesn’t need your petty tantrums, I’m pretty sure he has thicker skin than that.
If you still have a problem with the sight of a veiled woman or that of public affection for instance, then chew on a stress ball. Lost a tooth? Then send your rant to: IKnowBetter@SelfassuredProudThiest/Athiest.com
http://freearabs.com/index.php/ideas/10 ... -out-of-it
