Phink's Theory of Relative(with contributions by Mailman & Zumaale)
- 90% of white wimmenz are sluts. It is known. It is true. No, this is not a racist generalization. If a person on stormfront asserts that Somalis are “ugly savages with the IQ of chimps”, then, THAT is a racist generalization by an inbred pig-eating sister-panchood redneck. But when I, Mudane Phinks bin Mailman, a noble son of the proud nomadic Somali race, say that “ 90% of white girls are dumb drunken sluts”, that is a scientific fact. How so? Well, I quantified it: 90%. So respect my science, bro.
- It is perfectly ok for me and my friends to have anal sex with “dumb white sluts”. When we do it, we are just doing normal “experimenting”; but when they do it, they are “dumb white sluts”. Because I said so. And because I’m smart. My momz BEEN telling me that since I completed juz cam’ma at the dugsi. “Phink-ow, fariid-ow, wiil shax-shax”. Alxamdulilah, I done memorized all the way up to Suratul-Kahf, so respect my sheekh’nimo authoritah, bro.
- After me and my best friend have completed the “experimentation” phase of our life(ie, getting white-boy wasted and running a two-jaale train on a dumb white slut. Flip a coin jaale, heads or tails?), and it is time for us to settle down, we will go to extraordinary lengths to investigate the vaginal history of any perspective bride: Is her hymen intact? Two-step verification required by a board-certified Hymen Inspector. Has she ever been kissed? Either upstairs, or you know yacni, downstairs? Has she ever looked at a man with lust in her eyes, because that would totally disqualify her, youknowwhaimsaying bro. Bro, have you heard about this one xaliimo in Melbourne who once wore a surwaal(office suit), and then she fooled this miskeen financial analyst who didn’t know her sartorial history into marrying her!!! What a doqon. Bro, everybody knows that once a girl starts wearing a surwaal, even if it’s just part of her office dress code, that the next stop is: Whoredom Village. If a somali girl wears a suit for work, she’s damaged goods and must be branded with a scarlet letter(d for dh.ilo). But if you and I have drunken sex with “dumb white sluts”, than alhamdulillah that is forgiven cuz we were just experimenting, and we’re just “men doing what men do”, so it’s all good, you now bro?
- At the end of the day, We(Somalis/Muslims) are Better than Them. They are ignorant stupid gaalo with filthy-wasakh morals, while we are The Chosen Ones who rape slaves/jareers/bantus(“maa malakat aymankum”). Also, so what if homosexuality is rampant in our community and history; denial is our virtuous drug of choice. If we close our eyes hard enough, then none of our depravity ever happened nor is it happening today --- LOL, DIDN’T READ/INYOW, DIDN’T HAPPEN-----; which makes us superior to them: they admit their social evils and try to fix it; we sweep it under the carpet. Seven Jahanama!, these filthy gaalo even ended the blessed institution of slavery!!!!! These crazy secular- liberal gaalo and their “human rights” sheeko! Who needs “human rights” when you got “if a slave runs away from his master, then he will never enter heaven” Boool-sheedh iga dheh sheeko gaaleed’ka, awoowe; hala soo celiya adoonsiga barakaysan, deentayadu baa ogol oo baneysay, gaal xun sidoo ii dhihi karaa “slavery is wrong” asagoo xaarka iyo kaadida iska dhaqin! Regardless, at the end of the day, we are the Special Chosen Ones, the Monotheists who will live in Jannah eternally, while they, the Filthy-Wasakh Gaalo with their khamro(biyaha kulul) and “dumb sluts”, will burn in the fiery oven of Hellfire-Jahanam for ETERNITY, bro. Even the most pious Gaal doesn’t have a chance of leaving Hell. Mother Terese? Hell for eternity. Abu Talib, the protector, supporter, and beloved uncle of Nabiga? Eternity in Jahanam for being a filthy MUSHRIK. What a filthy mushrik he was, eh? Tryna believe in idol-worship nd shit. SO WHAT if he lived a honorable, righteous and noble life, sacrificing his life and his money to protect the weak muslim community in Makkah, so what…all of that doesn’t matter cuz that nicca is a filthy MUSHRIK! I keeps it one hunnid like that doe. As for Mucaawoya Ina Sufyaan, Saddam Hussein, Siad Barre and all the murderous tyrants with the blood of thousands of innocent human beings on their hands? They goin’ straight to Jannah, bro (after a very brief stop in jahanam for purification purposes). Don’cha just love being “Muslamic” bro? You can do whatever the fuck you want, kill, rape, murder and it’s all forgiven! If you’re lucky enough, you might even get a “radiyallahu canhu” or a “raximahullah” suffix attached to your name. Kinda like the Chrisitan concept of “the blood of jesus washes away all sins”. For us, however, it’s the “being muslamic washes away all sins, and you get a free live-in-Jannah-for-eternity-despite-being-a-murderous-bastard card”. I mean, we get the “ muslamic ray guns” and we get to do whatever we want during our “experimentation” phase, and then, when it’s time for us to settle down, we just press a few buttons on our issued “ray gun”, grow a respectably(and fashionable) beard, and all of our sins are washed away( some STDs don’t go away doe, not even with gaalo-invented medicine, bro. We hate them gaalos, but we love their wimmenz and their medicine, bro) As for the “dumb white sluts” they stay “dumb white sluts” forever, ahahhahahahhahaha, Because they are gaalo bro, ahahahahahaha
Phink’s theory of relatively is only semi-satirical; Phinks, Mailman, and Zumaale, genuinely believe in most of what it is written above. So do many of you reading this. With such widespread caqli-xumi + maangaabnimo that goes unchallenged by the rest of ‘normal folk’ (bro, that was funny, PUT IT IN MY ASS, haahhahaha epic bro epic, you even got the facebook posts), no wonder Somalia is a shithole and will remain a shithole for decades to come.
Somalinet has no equal on teh intertubez when it comes to fervently-held delusional bullshit-beliefs, a inferiority complex the size of Jupiter(if you have to keep on referencing “proud somali race”, chances are you’re nursing a gaping self-esteem wound that just won’t heal), and a massively entrenched hypocritical approach/mindset to virtually EVERY facet of life. Example: Abu Faarax, a haafidhil-quraan, leads his congregation, and after fajr prayer gives a little speech about the “filthiness of the kufaar” and how “we muslims are so better than them, because they have low morals, and we are “the best among nations”; then right after that, he goes to the welfare office and claims his children are of illegitimate birth and his wives are his girlfriends so that they can get more $riba$-sourced/financed money from the taxpayers. What makes this even more hilarious is that this hypocritical bullshit is coming from motherfaaraxs that were literally airlifted out of refugee camps(we gon just forget about utanga/dadaab, breh? It’s like that doe?) and given free education, free housing, and free healthcare by the very same “dumb gaalo” they insult and cast judgment on day in, day out; when they were chased into those refugee camps by their “proud Somali race” and their “Muslim Ummah Brehs”, fleeing from rape(areey, tan yar oo cad xagayga ku soo leexi), murder(faqash’ka dila), and starvation. I mean, let’s not forget about the epic 500 mile marathon race to Utanga when Taliye Abdiwahab252 was chasing Guulwade Voltage all the way to the Kenya border. Why? Because “unuka iska leh”. But hey, “We are still better than Them because xaarka ma iska dhaqaan, toilet baybar ay isticmaalan”
Good job for exposing the munaafqnimo within our people, comrade Leftist (Phinks is a cool guy though). 
