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WHY R ALL THE GOOD GUYS TAKEN..????? AND BETTER YET.....

SomaliNet Forum (Archive): Somali Women's Forum: Archive (Before Feb 2000): WHY R ALL THE GOOD GUYS TAKEN..????? AND BETTER YET.....
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whyOwhy

Unrecorded Date
I really wonder why are all the good guys taken, and better yet end up with not so good,leftovers.
I don't go to parties/clubs/weddings etc. I guess thats where they meet their women. But whats the deal for girls like me who'r waiting for their "Calaf" to come to their home. Are you guys aware of the decent, well mannered, drop dead gorgeous girls behind the closed doors??
I guess its true when they say Men are like parking lots, all the good ones are taken except the handicapped".

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leedo

Unrecorded Date
sister keep waiting or go out and find yuor mate
to find the best deal you have to where is the bargain

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Anonymous

Unrecorded Date
Who said all the good guys are taken? Expand your horizons, get out of the house, go to Somali weddings, parties, and other gatherings. It is not bad to socialize. You will meet interesting people, and develop good friendships. Who knows one of these friendships might turn out to be the special one?

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4real

Unrecorded Date
You should come our hang around place if you want to be seen and noticed. Why bother wonderring the girls behind closed doors when we can encounter queens every day. The girls we meet aren't neccessarily left overs, I am a real gentleman and wouldn't settle for less. So come out and play.

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cajabo

Unrecorded Date
Salaamu calaykum

To whyOwhy:

Sister,

I hear what you are saying. Did you really understand what you said though? In fact you have demonstrated excellent character and personality. And you are asking a question that everyone would love to have an answer for: where is my soul mate? The person that will make my life complete?
Different people have different strategies. And I am not one to say that method is better than the other one. However, without knowing it you provided the best answer: waiting for CALAF. And there is nothing wrong with that.
I would not advise you to go out and be seen more. Ultimately, by the grace of the Almighty you will meet your lifelong partner. And trust me, Somali brothers really want young women of your kind. So, insha Allah you will be "found" by the man I am sure you will make happy.
In the meantime, shake those blues and smile! You are someone with a lot of common sense. Don't let that be taken away from you.

Peace

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Jamela

Unrecorded Date
To Cajabo,
I just wanted to say thanks for that really wonderful entry.. I really made me change my perception on things.. Cuz just like Ms.WhyOWhy I have been thinking of such things myself... Well anyways thanks again.

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Anonymous

Unrecorded Date
To Cajabo

Sis, what happened to the notion of "da'daal."

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cajabo

Unrecorded Date
Salaamu calaykum

To Jamela:

My intention was not to give out advice but I can't help myself! I hope Aboto Awal will not kill me for that expecially since I love her advice. I am glad sister if I have been of any help. May Allah bless you and reward you.

To Anonymous:

I believe that was a concept introduced by men in order to lure young women out of their homes and on to the streets! Religiously and traditionally it is frowned upon to have women doing all they can to find their mate.

First and foremost, it is anti-Islamic. The notion of Tawheed, recognizing the Oneness of Allah and Islam that means surrendering to our Creator, mean that as Muslims and believers we have IMAN. And having Iman entails having faith that what Allah has intended for us will happen.

I did not say do not go out. But I say going out to attract men the way we do it now in our society defeats the whole purpose of waiting for CALAF. We can not on one hand say we believe in Allah and Calaf and on the other hand going out in order to catch the eye of a potential husband.

When we go out we are NOT most of the time accompanied by a brother or "muharram". We dress up in a seductive manner. We try to look beautiful in order to find our calaf. And in the process, we have broken many rules. Among them wearing perfume and revealing clothes will only mean the wrath of Allah.

Now if someone goes out performing a normal chore or anything else and happens to meet someone, I call that calaf. Not "working" the Western way to find a man. In Islam, women that cover themselves and guard their chastity are the ones praised.

So I could not advise whyOwhy in good conscience to go out and "da'daal" in her pursuit of men. That is undignified and uncalled for. The one who fears Allah will always be rewarded. Especially in these times when there is so much pressure to conform to norms that are not ours.

Anonymous: I believe in da'daal and it exists in Islam. One has to earn his livelihood in a halaal manner. One has to strive to better himself/herself in order to please Allah. One has to study in order to pass an exam. How many can truly say they married their first love? Allah alone knows who will be the father of whyOwhy's children. She can look all she wants, she will meet him when Allah has so decreed. Isn't it best then that she maintain her dignity and self-respect?

Peace

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Xaali

Unrecorded Date
Cajabo, could it be that some brothers need a map,a compass, and a hint...(you know how they are with directions).... guriga albaaka cagaaran ee elevatorka bidixda ka xiiga (in the good old days it was not elvator but geed talaal :) Joke.

Well said sis! Agree with you 110%

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Yaska

Unrecorded Date
Cajabo,

Wow! walaashiis waad iga yaabisay, Aadna hadalkaaga intiisa badan waan kugu raacsahay, not like Xaali 110% but say around 85%. Hal dhinac uun baad xaajadda ka eegtay, taas oo ah dhinaca qaarka ku andacoonaya in Calafka la buriyo oo la baadigoobo by using any meaning neccassary... Kuwaas kitaabkoodda meel baad ku soo hubsatay wax aan ku darayaana ma jirto.

Dhanka kalese, Jid xalaal ah oo ilaah ka raaliyahay oo habayaraatee wax cadhadda eebe aan lagu kasbanaynin amaba aan khilaafsanayn sunadda suuban ee Rasuulka (s.c.w) oo aan ahayn in guriga aan laga bixin ma jiro miyaa?????? Sideedse isku waafajinaysaa DADAALKA iyo CALAFKA amaba ayno hoos u sii degnee Xoriyadda doorashadda Mustaqbalka iyo Qadarta ALLE?. Waxaa cajiib ah in erayadda la yidhaahdo DHOWRSOONAANTA iyo SIDA UU WANAAGU KU JIRO ayba noqdeen qaar mararka qaarkood iyaguba dhibaato ku keena dadka aan si wanaagsan u kala arki karin humaaga iyo aragtidda runta ah.

Waxba aniga oo aan xaajadda sii adkaynin,waxaan aad ula yaabay mudaddii aan Forumka joogey in arintan ahayd walina tahay Top Ten topics, maca asaf aan wax real discussion ah laga samayn. Bal habloow idinka arinta xag diineed iyo khibradeedba naga badiyee naga jaahilbixiya..
- SIDEE LOOGU GOGOL XAADHIKARAA GUUR XALAAL AH IYADA OO AAN LA KHILAAFIN MABAADIDDA IYO SHACAA'IRTA DIINTA ISLAAMKA?

- How should be balanced between our culture and this host culture without compromising our religion even a bit of it When it comes marriage in Islam?

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Bashir Abdi.

Unrecorded Date
WhyOwhy.

Sister, May Allah give you the man of your dreams because I can guess you dream of him. If you ask those who are married they will tell you that they would not have wasted a minute in anxiety or thinking too much over who is their soul-mate or what he/she will look like. All things were written.

However, the issue at hand is not easy one. You have to have some help. In Islam, Male figures are encouraged to look for mates for their sisters and women relatives. It became very difficult for the unmarried god fearing people to meet someone for future partnership.

I am sure you will have your day, Before then, I wonder if you have brothers that you can confer with about the subject you know?. It is not that difficult, they will be happy to help you out.

It is tough to meet nice guys(I like this), because there aren't too many. I leave the rest to the experts.

Cajabo.

How about the proposal of our brother DAHIR. That was a killer one. I liked it. He must have been a very brave man indeed to drop the cluster bomb. I wish him goodluck.

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Lost Brother

Unrecorded Date
Xaali can you supply me with a global positioning satellite ( GPS). With GPS you can't get lost, then again someone has to show me how to use the dam thing.

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cajabo

Unrecorded Date
Salaamu calaykum

Xaali sister, la'aanta abaar waaye! You made me laugh! I know some of them "waa in far WAWEYN loogu dhigaa!". Naftaan yar ee "Lost Brother" bal wax yar saacid oo dariiqa toosan xaguu ka xigo u sheeg! (joke) :-)

Walaal Yaska,

Aan kuu waramo, mar alle markaan magacaaga arko "maska" ayaa igu soo dhaca markaas ayaan booda! lol@yaska. Kolkaan doonayo waan kaftami karaa. But it is true I always make that association. You can see what kind of weird brain I have!

The answer you asked is an excellent one and deserves a good answer. However, Cajabo is just as lost as you are! My father once said to me that he would never impose a husband on me because he doesn't want me to blame him for all my marital problems even after his death! Actually, my father is a firm believer of free choice and a marriage based on love. My parents chose each other. But then they lived in a better society than ours.

But brother Bashir Abdi has given us a good alternative that agrees with Islam. I would say to all young men to not be ashamed to sollicit help from family members and good friends. Do a lot of networking. Believe me one brother married a sister I went to Quranic classes to just by calling our teacher and asking her to find him a good sister. He was a PHD holder and a good Muslim. The sister who became his wife holds a Master's degree and is a fervent Muslim. They are a couple I love and admire tremendously. By the way, not to bash anyone here, haven't you noticed that the "wadaad" almost always get the best women? Have you ever asked yourself why? They are well connected! LOL.

I am telling guys to do the hunting because in our culture it is still seen as weird if a girl does it. But us women have our ways, trust me! LOL.

Lost brother, I was joking please don't get offended.

Peace

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cajabo

Unrecorded Date
Salaamu calaykum

Walaal Bashir Abdi,

I have no comment on Daahir other than that he is courageous, I agree! And in the process he made this sister really embarrassed but he apologized in advance, so I couldn't get upset could I? LOL.

Peace

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Lost brother in space

Unrecorded Date
Cajabo How can I get mad at you, when you are helping me, and I like your fathers believes in free trade. Just joking here too. Ladies guys are still making the movies it's just CALAF hasn't come, as for me I'm lost in space and waiting NASA to find me. By the rate that they are screwing up things, I will be floating in space for a while.

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Cukaash Madakallay

Unrecorded Date
Salaamintiin;

AAY CAJABE

Walaahiyaa ki dhaaredeey wal kiin dhaarsinye!
Aniine hata ki darimee dadki karbuunide kii weeydiyaaw. Aadeey wal koo yaabinye.

Aniibe haatoow lanke dhunsin yaa irki ii dhulke dhatiyoo ki dhunsine, alaf meel luku weeydiyoone wal gorodi waaysinye.

Aay Cajabe; walii ki weeydiyeey adi lan PHD ii Mastar in haaysine mee lan kale fiiriyaaseeee? hoobe Mastar ii PHD leey sheekoodaa ete ani hatebe kiin sheegeey aaw maalin Hareed reedjeey wal ma abtugeni.

Ki tuugeey afkaa me gorodaaw leey iin terooy.
Salaamintiin.

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Cabdi Samatar

Unrecorded Date
Cukaash,
ahahahahahha I understood your last sentence. Its amazing.I never thought I would get it, but its not that hard "Ki tuugeey afka ma gorodaw ey in tirey" = Waa ku tuugaa afkaada ma garanayo ha i dhihin. LOL.

Topic gan waa mid aad u adag sidi xal loogu heli lahaa, maxaa yeelay Gacmo laaban wax laguma qaban karo. Gabadhana lagulama talin karo inay guriga dhex fadhido oo calafkeeda sugto. Sidaan ognahay Dumarku cimrigiisu aad ayuu u gaaban yahay, yacni gabar gaboowday nin approach garaynaayo ayaaba iska yar. Marka ayadoonan gaboobin siday calafkeeda u sugeesay sidee nin u qalma loogu heli karaa weeye su'aasha meesha taal.
Walaashaydii WhyOwhy adigoonan waqti badan ku lumin arinkaan ka fikirkiisa waxaan kugula talin lahaa inaad saaxiibadaa/qaraabadaa etc, aad la socod siiso inaad Guur Xalaala aad diyaar u tahay. Warku aad ayuu u safraaye, waa intaasoo mid uun qayr qaba kaa war helaa. Anigaaba ku guursan lahaa hadaanan laba xaasle ahayn (kaftan weeye)
Nasiib Wanaagsan.

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Yaska

Unrecorded Date
Salaamu 'aleukum;

Cajabo,

You have a point there, about networking and connections. I will put on account that option on my calculation of routes and probability of getting Ms right!.
You wrote: " By the way, not to bash anyone here, haven't you noticed that the "wadaad" almost always get the best women? Have you ever asked yourself why? They are well connected".....hmmmm so we got to be wired!! ahaa,..Information society age.. What the opportunity I missed !!!, friend of mine asked me to give lectures(muxaadarooyin) in mosque for the ladies about marriage in Islam and Cross-cultural aspects !!!!. Unforgunetly I refused, so now the only remaining option/link is to become WADAAD!!!!!, Any hints where to start, I have heard rumors.. if you want to be eccapted as "wiil fiican/wadaad ah " you should pray all the 5 salats in the mosque plus other activities in mosques like teaching, cleanig, memorizing qur'an, ..subcis..,etc. Am I on right course, cajabo?

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cajabo

Unrecorded Date
Salaamu calaykum

Walaal Yaska,

Runtii nin qosol badan baad tahay! Waxaan ku idhi maxaad u dhigi waysay casharka? Walee mid ay ka dhacayso ayaad la soo bixi lahayd! War yaa la i cunin! Waa iga kaftan!

Yaska walaal macaan kolay waxaad u samayso fii sabiili laah wax ka fiicaan ayaa iska yar. Waxaan jeclahay inay jirta ayaat quraan ah ha la i saxo oo ka hadlaysa ninka u haajiray Ilahay dartii inuu Ilahay u ogyahay, kan u haajiray wax kalena inuu dee waxaa heli. Marka walaal waxaan filaya inay ku soo degtay nin saxaabi ah oo ka haajiray Maka oo qabtay Madina. Waxuu u socday gabadh uu doonayo. Marka guurka ma xuma. Oo waa kuugu waajib inaad raadsato gabadh nolosha kula qaybsata xalaal kuu ah. Laakiin tan ah masajiidka iyo waxa ku xidhan, kuma odhon karo xaas un u raadso. Diinta iyo ku dhaqankeeda anaga ayay na anfacdaa. Laakiin ninka ama gabadha mar walba Ilahay ku xidhan wax ma waayan.
Runtii intaan hadalkaaga ka arkay qof fiicaan ayaad tahay oo xalaasha jecel. Ilahay ha kuu sahlo. Waxii aad jeceshahay oo khayrka kuu ah, Ilahay ha kuu sahlo. Aamin.

Peace

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cajabo

Unrecorded Date
Salaamu calaykum

Walaal Cukaash,

Salaan ka dib waxaan Ilahay kaaga baryay caafimaad iyo nabad qab. Runtii dhibaato weyn ayaa i haysata. Kolkii hore qurbaawi ayaan ahaa. Af soomali oo dhan ayaa igu adag. Waxaad iigu dartay afkaan quruxda badan laakiin aan garan. Walaalo bal ii yara miciin oo ii jilci. Adigase waxaan ku odhon lahaa, calafkaaga iska sug! LOL.

Walaal Lost Brother in Space,

Your case is getting more difficult by the minute. Which Somali girl has the instruments to guide you back to earth?

Peace

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Lost Brother in space

Unrecorded Date
Cajabo how do I know which girl who can help me, I'm lost. Maybe you can help me. I was trying to call back earth from space, what do you know I run out of my calling card. Maybe you can make a big fire in earth and I will tray to follow the smoke.

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cajabo

Unrecorded Date
Salaamu calaykum

Dearest Brother in Space,

My father always advised me against starting fires and lingering too much in the kitchen lest I I forget to study! So, starting a fire is a NO NO for me. However, if there are any sisters that know how to start a fire that can allow this brother of ours to find his way "home", please do so. It pains me to see him like this. I am a sister who hates to see her brothers and sisters suffer. But I never start a fire I can't put out.

Peace

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Bashir Abdi.

Unrecorded Date
Yaska.

One MUXAADARA will be enough brother. You will have the last laugh. You know what, sometimes you have to give up your principles of meeting a lady like getting to know each other or make tidious relationships(I don't mean the western style here) ,they are waste of time. These days guys go for the short cut and shop around the mosques. If you are well connected you can even have woman relative check your lady for you. It does not get better than that.

As long as women visit the mosques, they are okey inshallah. I don't know your checklist,but in my opinion people don't have to be extremly educated in religion. My god, women are beautiful behind the hijab and anyone of them will do fine.

Brother, you have to visit the mosque. I believe you will find the kind of girl you are looking for. They come in many levels of education too if you are interested in educated ones.

Wasalaam.

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Yaska

Unrecorded Date
salaamu caleukum;

Bashir Abdi, Thankx brother for your advice and guidance, so as to you sister Cajabo.

SHeekadani waa sidii qisadii Asxaabadda oo kale, Saxaabadda (ridwaanulaahi calayhim) waxay odhan jireen waxaan aad u jeclayn marka "Acraabi" qof reer miyi ahi u yimaado Rasuulka(s.c.w)oo uu su'aalo weydiiyo, waayo anagu waan ka xishoon jirnay ama ma aanu jeclayn in aan su'aalo ku badino rasullka (s.c.w). so guys Anaa su'aalaha inii waydiiyey Experts, jawaab aad u saraysana waad hesheen, waxa dhiman oo kaliya in aad "Fulisaan". Marlabaad waad ku mahadsan tihiin bro Bashir and Sister Cajabo Maanguurintaas aad noo soo maanguuriseen Khibradiina. Jimce Wanaagsan

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Bashir Abdi.

Unrecorded Date
Yaska.

I am about to leave work inshallah and tell you my freind; Naag tii quruxsaneydoo dhan masaajidkaa laga helaa. Ilaahey ha badiyo iyagana wax kaafiya oo deeqa ilaahey ha u sahlo. Wasalaam.

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Guled

Unrecorded Date
To Cukaash.

lol.....calooshaa i xanuuntay sidaan u qoslayey..qosolka badana waa dambi..sidaan marba xaafada u fadhiyee la aamusanyahay ayaan qosol dartii boodaa markaasaan dadka ka nixiyaa oo la yidhaa war maxaa ku helay miyaad soo sidsidataa..lol
walaahi waad iga qoslisay af cajiiba dheh..lol...please teach me.

To Cajabo.

I wanna express my appreciation for the remarkable advice you have done to our sister and i know that a "thank you" is a small reward for the tremendouse and remarkble words you have done but my Allah reward you. you put the right words into her mouth.

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hebel

Unrecorded Date
Sister Calaacal do want settle with a good looking handicapped man?

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TROUBLEGIRL

Unrecorded Date
whyOwhy

I reckon CALAF cagaahaaga ku doono......But having said that I would like to applaud you on your excellent characterism and mannerism that you uphold sis. If a man is intelligent enough...he will respect you for being who you are. What I mean by that is, I couldn't help noticing what a brother said above...He urges you to SOCIALIZE.....well I don't think you should change your lifestyle inorder to get a man. A decent man wouldn't want a woman oo meel walba taagan....He would want someone oon wareeg badneen, qof xishooto....qof af-gaaban,....not a XIIN-FANIIN.....Well I wish ya all the best on your persuit to finding a soul mate.

CUKAASH.....Qax-qax-qax on the af MAY-MAY

PEACE

TROUBLE

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Kuuku

Unrecorded Date
Miro goobta jooga kuwa guri ku jira looma daadiyo or to put ir in another way -- The beautifull bird will die in the golden cage.

Meeting people and socializing doesn't mean becoming bad girl....Huunnooy hlkee baan kuu soo maraa?!

Kuuku

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