     Ifrah | Unrecorded Date
I am a young girl studying in high school.Please let me know if I can get married without taking permission of my parants. |
| Ina Kaahin | Unrecorded Date
Ifrah.
You are a young girl, are you? So what should you be doing? Thinking all the time of sex? Watching films in the evening and reading fashion magazines during the day? Isn't that how you spend most of your time? And then, when you feel you have had enough of watching things, you want to try out those things yourself. So you look around. There are many young men, of similar upbringing, similar thoughts, similar urges, hanging around at the college gate, and street corners: equipped with a single note book in their hand. The eyes meet, messages are exchanged, touches occur, and an outing together comes as a fallout. How exciting?!
And now you want to get married to the boy-friend. But the parents are a problem. They come in between your legitimate pleasures. They object to marriage at such an early age. They object to you disappearing mysteriously at odd hours. They object to the choice of a mate… they object to so many things. They are so insensible… so much lacking sympathy for their daughter. The boy is perhaps a school drop out, or a C-grade student of the pre-university. But all that doesn't matter to the well bred daughter: sex urge is so powerful! And the parents help by watching dirty films with the daughter sitting in their lap. So the daughter wants to repay: "Let the parents watch the things on the screen, I'll go and do those things. "life is real, it is not merely a T.V. drama. And if they don't approve of it, let's find out what the law says.
Maybe the above applies to you. Maybe it doesn't. But it does apply to lots and lost of our young girls.
My dear. You are a young girl. Are you? But what does that mean? Sex yes. But what else?
How about the Quran? A life of your Prophet? What's happening in your cauntery? How about helping little boys and girls in their studies? The house has no garden, no plants, no flowers. Why not grow one? The walls are bare (except for an old portrait of a film star). Why not decorate the walls with a work of calligraphy, a piece of good art, a few natural sceneries, or poetical pieces. What is a computer? Why not gain expertise in page-setting? The dinner the other day in the restaurant was really good. Oh dear, let me learn some cooking. I might not always have money for restaurants.
There are so many things: for those who are living. But, young girl! Are you alive? Have you lived for one day of your existence?
You are a young girl, still in school right? So why not aim at the university for a bachelors degree, then master degree, and then a Phd.? That will lead you to a professorship. Having achieved that, you can still marry a cobbler. Can/t you?
My dear If the parents disagree to your choice, surely there is something seriously wrong in your choice for them to do so. They are far too eager, even more than you, to see you happy and well settled in life.
Your and their example is similar to someone at the top of a hill and another at the bottom. The one at the top can see what the one at the foot of the hill cannot. But, since an actual hill of rocks and stones is not before the eyes, you being at the bottom do not believe that the parents can see much more than you. You think the parents are non-affectionate, indifferent, unloving, uncaring, unreasonable, old-fashioned etc., to be opposed to your choice. You must understand that the advancement in age, puts your parents on a hill-top, whereas, by no means you will ever see beyond the hill of several years of age and experience, to know what awaits you once you are on the other side.
No. Islamically you cannot get married without your parent's permission. But why not disturb them a little and tell them: "If you keep watching those films every evening, I think I'll have to go and do what you have been watching. Any objections?"
Ina Kaahin
INDIA |
| Kenya | Unrecorded Date
Sweet little sister, you have the right to a marriage, but don't you think a marriage should be which you should be proud of?
By marrying with the consent of your parents you legalize and authenticate a lawful and proper relationship which will be something your children will be proud of rather that having children growing the complex of an unlawful marriage.
Think about what our country has gone through? Hard times, struggle. Don't a miserable life to it |
| Anon | Unrecorded Date
Hey kid, read careful what brother Ina kahin is saying. My advise to you is stay in school, get an education, explore the world and then settle for marriage. Take your time, marriage is not all its is cracked out to be. |
| Gabadh | Unrecorded Date
Salamacalaykum:
Dear Ifrah, As InaKahin intuu yiri ka badan kuma dhaheen, laakin in yar ayaan ku darsanayaa. Mida hore.
Waxaa jira dad young ah as u are oo wax barasho qalbigoodu ku jiro iyo hami dheer, guur iyo xagaas aan niyadooda soo galin, kuna jiro hamigooda in ay waxbarasho qaataan oo heer sare ka gaaraan, naftoodana siiyaan waqti, oo aynan ku soo koobin wax ay hadhow qaadi karin mas'uuliyad ka wayn..
Waxa kaloo jira kuwo kale, rabo in ay isku wadaan waxbarasho isla markaana qalbigoodu ku jiro guur iyo arimaha la xiriira sidaada oo kale. marka hore u fiirso arintaan hadaad ka baxi karto oo aad hubto hadhow ka shalaayeen I advise u to marry now...
ok waxaad tiri waalid la'aantiis inaad guursato.. guursatayee, waxaad ku beri caloolxumo iyo murug dheeraaad waalidkaa, adigana waad iska indho tiraysaa, oo waxbaad kala qaybsanaysaa waayo waalidku waa waayo arag intaad ka fakarayn bay ka fakarayaan, teeda kale dhib kuuma quuraan, oo diidmadaas iyada ah jacayl baa ka keenaya iyo naxariis ay kuu qabaan. ma ka bixi kartaa inaad walidkaa ka go'do oo aad caruurtaada ayeeyo iyo awoowo la'aan dhigto, haday ku cafiyaan xataa ay sheekadaadda taariiq noqonayso oo hadhow ciyaalkaaga kuu isticmaali doono maalin maalmaha ka midah.. hadii aad ka bixi karto arintaan I advise u to marry now....
guurku wax sahlan ma ah. kow kama bixi kartid school iyo guur cusub, kaba soo qaad inaad is leedhahay waad ka bixi kartaa,, ma kafakartay. guriga oo loo soo adeego, sadex waqti oo cuno la diyaariyo, dharkoo la dhaqo, gurigoo la nadiifiyo, waqti schoolka aad ka timaado intaas ku sugayaan homeworgii ayaad ka daahday next day macalimada late ayaad u geeysay oo buundo ayaa kaaga go'day. ciil ayaad dareentay. ok ok waxaad is tiri ninkaaga ayaa ku caawinaaya. isaga shaqo banaan haduu qabto amaba school iyo shaqo isku hayo tan guri kuuma qaban karo.. ma kabixi kartaa arintaan if yes I advise u to marry now....
ok ok waxaa yimid caruur 9bilood uur ,, ilaah baa og kaba soo qaad inaad ku xanuunsatay which most women do. schoolki ayaad drop garaysay. shaqo gurigii ma drop garayn kartid.. ma ka bixi kartaa if yes I advise u to marry...
ok caruurtii baa dhalatay who knows bilaa Ilaah ku siiyaa mataano.. ok caruurta way kala yihiin kuwo oohin badan baa jirta ka soo qaad kuwaan ama kan ama matano ama hal in uuyahay mid jecel in la hayo goor kasta ok habeenkii oo dhan waad ku dhafraysaa maalintiina wuxuu rabaa ama rabtaa inaad dhabta ku hurdisiiso.. waqti aad waxaad tiri you young,, saaxiibo la hasaawdo ma leh. iyo funn kale banaanka aad u aado, u have to take care this child oo ah ubax gift aad aduunka ku soo biirisay Ilaah ku siyey.. ma ka bixi kartaa if yes I advise u to marry..
aan soo koobo warka walaal guur waa suno inaad guursatana, way fiican tahay, laakin sida wanaagsan ee adiga iyo aayatiinkaga danbe u wacan samee, walidkaana ha ka amar boodin intaad ogeen bay ogyihiinee.. walaal teeda kale hadii aad tahay qof sexualactive ah I advise u to marry now.. intaad gali laheed danbi xag Alle cadaab daran ku leh aduunkana faa'ido aad uga keenayn.. haday arintada sidaan tahay u sheeg walidkaa ha ku raacaan if not magaalo kale tag si u ansaxo..
later all... |
| Abdi yusuf | Unrecorded Date
To ifraah
walaal waa sax oo waad guursan kartaa laakiin labada waalid sababtooda ayaad aduunkaan ku timid ee ha hilmaamin.
Midda kale waaridku nin aad jeceshay oo diintiisa iyo akhlaaqdiisa la hubo kuuma diidayaana sida aan anigu rumaysnahay haddii aadan adigu ahayn lala cararay ama lala har.
marka waxa aad u urdaysaa waa nin, ka waran haddii waxaad ka rabtay aad ka waydo isla markaana waaridkii iyo adigu aad ku kala dhimateen ninkaas marka anigu waxaan ku oran lahaa ha dagdagin
sababtoo ah"wareer cawo waa loo waabariistaa"
marka nin ama naag waa la helaa lakiin waarid lama helo. |
| Aniso C | Unrecorded Date
To Ifrah:
Abaa waalidkaa masuulka kaa ah hadeysan wiilka ku siinin ooysan kuugu faraxsaneeyn waxba guur haku falin. Abaa ani waxaan ku dhihi lahaa guur waa wax ilaaheey qoray ee haku dag dagin ee marka hore wax baro walaal gabdhaheena badanaa waxaa ciil gabay wax barasho la aan adna kuwaas haku darsamin. Walaal haduu wiilka ku jecel yahay wuu ku sugi. Waxaadna tiri gabar yar baan ahay marka meeqo sano ayaad jirtaa? |
| Didiid | Unrecorded Date
Ifrah:
Marriage in Teens, almost always ends in disaster.
The world out there is very tough & unkind, and marriage is one of the Most important decisions you will ever make. At this stage you every in your growing up process, a transition phase from girlhood to a woman (very early adulthood). It will be wise to put marriage in the back burner for now. What is the rush, you have your whole like ahead of you, if the gentleman can't wait then he may not be for you.
Besides why would put your parents thru unnecessary pain?
Beleive me marriage is not that easy it's a serious business, after the allure of love, kind of wears down, your will find that it's not a rosy garden.You will have decide what you are going to do for each, not to mention the responsiblity that comes with it.
If you are wary of your parents, talk to a close adult relative who has been or is still married.
But please don't into it, it will be only
a recipe for disaster. |
| Shoobto | Unrecorded Date
Abdi,
I believe that there is no need to be vulgar in your above statement. Ina kahin, you sound very judgemental and I think you concluded your analysis before the whole story was presented to you. It is my understanding that the young lady did not talk about sex nor implied anything close to it. Why don't we ask first the reasons that brought this young person to a hasty marriage without the consent of her parents? Are there situations at home which she is running from and does she see marriage as her only options? See there are other reasons besides sex. Let us listen what this young lady has to say instead of lecturing her without first considering other equally important factors. After all she is just saying she is considering marriage and not going to live with the guy. I may be playing the devil's advocate role here, nonetheless, that is my humble opinion.
regards |
| Hana | Unrecorded Date
To Ina Kahin,
It's very wrong to say that watching sex movies is what is making her to make the decition to get married without her parents permition because there are alot of girls who don't do all the things you mention they just want to get married to be (Halal) to the one they love and it's better than having sex without marriege.
Hana |
| Hana | Unrecorded Date
To Ina Kahin,
It's very wrong to say that watching sex movies is what is making her to make the decition to get married without her parents permition because there are alot of girls who don't do all the things you mention they just want to get married to be (Halal) to the one they love and it's better than having sex without marriege.
Hana |
| Ina Kahin | Unrecorded Date
Shoobto
thank you sister. Maybe the above applies to her. Maybe it doesn't. So Let us listen what she has to say.
Hana
sis this is what I have said Maybe the above applies to you. Maybe it doesn't. But it does apply to lots and lost of our young girls. Fare enough isn't it? |
| Bixin | Unrecorded Date
INA KAAHIN
Waxay ila tahay aniga inaan gabdha oo dhami sidaad sheegtay wada noqon doonin educated. Hadii ay qaarkood rabaan inay eerli guursadaan, guur xalaal ah. Waxaanan umalaynayaa hadii wiilku aanu xumayn inaanu waalikdu diidi karin. Arintaasi ma ceebaa?. Takale ama movie hala daawado ama magasine hala akhristee qofkasta wuxuu leeyahay dareen waana lakala dareen badan yahay miyaanay ahayn ok inla guursado?. |
| Anoon | Unrecorded Date
I don't think it's wrong for someone to get married without their parents permision. what if the parents don't want her to marry her guy because he is from different clan, or something stupid like that? Then she should marry him if he is good muslim, uu daqan karo etc. |
| Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
INA KAAHIN,
NO it's not fair. The sis asked for our advice, not a lecture. It's doesn't matter who it applies
too, it doesn't apply to this young lady.
Next time, if you can't give any useful advice. kindly keep your opnions to yourself.
2 THE YOUNG SISTER,
My advice is to finish school first, but what ever
you do decided, pls think about it hard. it is your life.
One other point, with an Education you have some
-thing to fall back on. if things don't go right.
You won't be depended on anyone(if u know what i
mean).
GOOD LUCK SIS. |
| Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
Ina Kahin
this young girl is free she can mary any kind of man that she loves she needs nothing from her parants,specialy here in west we dont need any help from any one. so grow up man and leave this lady allone.
Can'nt she get maried against the wish of her parents, if the gil is able to live with her husband without any help from the parants? |
| Ina Kaahin | Unrecorded Date
Anonymous
According to the islamic share'ah, she cannot get married without the consent of the father. The marriage in which the father's consent has not been obtained is null and void.
The financial status of either of the two does not alter the rule.
This arrangement has been made by the Shari'ah to safeguard young girls from falling victim to skilful machinations of unworthy males. In social systems where such a barrier does not operate, it is common to see girls falling prey to men much advanced in age, far from handsome, poorly educated, of a sordid mind, financially broke, and with no talent save certain seductive qualities: libido, certain traits of personality, ravishing appearance, machoistic, etc., dexterously employed to net beautiful, rich, well placed girls of tender age and tender minds with no other intention except to either blackmail the family into shelling down regular installments of money, or simply to have the fun and satisfaction of deflowering the beauty of the town.
Several Western novels of the Victorian age - the times when women had just gained their "liberty" - have their story built around the above as their plot.
What the young men and women of today have to realize is that marriage is not just some sex; that the so-called "like-mindedness" is a "misreading" of the minds; and that the much occurring "love" before marriage is a "charade".
Further, individuals cut off from their "immediate society" - that of the kith and kin, can suffer very serious psychological disturbances and end up becoming strange creatures, passing on abnormal traits to their offspring. Studies have shown that most criminals in the West are aberrant persons with unhealthy family background.
² pair that decides to live cut off from its parents has no outlet to its frustrations and tensions in life. Therefore, the two recoil upon each other, disagree over every issue and quarrel over petty affairs. Living together, in a single tight room, unable to talk out to parents, brothers and sisters and denied they sympathy and advice, they can only cast upon each other ferocious looks and blame each other for every failure. Minor issues are settled only with mountainous "win or lose" arguments leading to endless quarrels. If separation does not occur sooner, it is only because both have nowhere to go, But that end cannot be deferred too long. In many cases the only solution is to separate out. In contrast, if both had a family to turn to for sympathy and counsel, they might not have reached that end.
Finally, this "falling in love", "marrying without consent", or "running away from home", mostly happens to people belonging to the lower class, involving poorly educated individuals in their immature years. Therefore, they undergo financial crisis after separating out from their parents sooner than others: adding to their woes. Comparatively, the well educated, mature people normally apply themselves to building up a sound future through higher studies or attainment of professional skills through patient years of work and experience. They have no time to fall in love. Also, being well-educated, they do not indulge in day-dreaming.
Ina Kaahin
INDIA |
| Anon69 | Unrecorded Date
Ina Kaahin
Gotta give it you, you are one amusing dude!!!! |
| Ina Kaahin | Unrecorded Date
Anon69
thanks friend
Ina Kaahin
INDIA |
| Parent | Unrecorded Date
Hello Ifrah
You are a high school student? 16, 17, 18 years old? Why the rush? Your parents! Why you love them, don't you? Share your happens with them. |
| Anon69 | Unrecorded Date
Ina Kahin:
you welcome bro, question though what's your take on this Mingis, Saar? is it a Glorified version of Voodo or is there no relation at all?
Peace |
| Saafi | Unrecorded Date
I think ina kaahin means well but he just goes about it the wrong way.No need to lecture anyone.
With regards,
Saafi
P.s are you lawyer? |
| Anon69 | Unrecorded Date
Saafi:
Easy on the brother, no need to bottle up any body. This is democracy at work here, if you have a different version of events let's have it. |
| Saafi | Unrecorded Date
I thought I was being easy:-)Thats as close as I can get.
I have the same views as most of the people here,I don't think that the girl should get married with out her parents' blessing. If what Ina kaahin is saying is what you call "democracy" then I say that democracy is a bad thing. If it allows people
to accuse other people, then democracy is not what its all worked up to be.
Sorry if I was hard on the brother.
regards,
Saafi |
| Anon69 | Unrecorded Date
Saafi:
Hear you loud and clear Sis, but democracy is having to let others say what they have to say not necessarilly agreeing with them thought, at least that's my opinion and I stand corrected.
Thanks Sis |
| Saafi | Unrecorded Date
Anon69,
I agree with you, but you to know that under democracy everyone is innocent until proven guilty.The only reason why I attacked what inakaahin said was because I thought he was accusing the girl of things when he doesn't even know her.
Regards,
saafi |
| Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
its easy to just say something but when it comes to doing it, then thats another story. For all you out here saying one shouldn't get married without their parents permission are right. I do agree with you but i also want to add something more. Let say you are 24 years old but your parents wants you to graduate from school first before marrying your man. You have 3 years. Each hour counts cause you are already in sin. Maybe you want to change your life and get married to get out of the boyfrind-girlfriend situation. You tried getting married for years but your parents always said "NO". Not once or twice but four times.What would you do? I know what you are thinking. Dumb the boyfriend you little bitch. Easier said than done.
I say, marry the guy even though your parents are hard headed. School can wait. Love can't. |
| Mr Cool | Unrecorded Date
To Anonymous,
Oh sister you are soooooooo wrong. There is no such thing as "School can wait, Love can't".
If what you feel for your boyfriend is for reall then sister you could wait for an eternity. I know what I am talking about. Start thinking with your head and not with the heart, that is the first thing you need to do. But this comment is something that I would say to someone who is under 21 years of age. In your case you are 24. So you are mature enough. But have you considered that your parents want you to finish school so that you will be an independent woman. For them what counts is the thought that their daughter has a decent job and does not need a man's support. Well sister that is something for you to think about. But allways keep in mind that your parents want only what is best for you. There you go hope that now you know what to do. In case your guy says can not wait for you then that means he was wrong for you right from the start.
p.s. I don't think that you are "a little bitch" and I am sure that no one else thinks that.
By Mr Cool. |
| Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
i feel you mr cool but if you knew my parennts you wouldn't have said what you just said. I could be a 40 yr old lady with a PhD but they will still say No. What i was trying to say is, sometimes, in some situations, getting some parent's permission is not easy. |
| Mr Cool | Unrecorded Date
To the above Sister,
Sis I don't get you. Are you telling me that your parents don't want you to get married at all or they don't want your guy?
By Mr Cool |
| Observer | Unrecorded Date
To ina kahin
please would u sttop lecturing and make your points short and clear.
The people don't have much time to read your lecture bro.
by the way some of your comments are nice. |
| TeenegeGirl | Unrecorded Date
LITTLE GIRL IF YOU´RE REALY LITTLE,I AM A LITTLE TEENEGE GIRL TOO, SO LET ME GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE
HERE IS IT!
LIFE IS GOOOOOOOOD LIFE IS FUNNY, YOU HAVE A LOT OF TIME , SO LIVE YOUR LIFE AS A TEENEGE AND DON´T
RUSH TO GET MARIED COUSE IT´S NOT WORTH IT TO GIVE YOUR LIFE TO A LOSER WHO NOT GONNA BE THE SAME FOR YOU WHEN YOU GET MARIET HIM.
WHAT I MEAN IS LISTEN TO YOUR PERENTS AND TALK WITH THEM ALL THE TIME COUSE THEY KNOW HOW IS TO
BE MARIED AND HOW BORRING IS IT, WHAT I MEAN IS
IT´S A LOT OF RESPONSEBELITY.TAKE TIME MY SISTER.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I LOOOOOOOOOVE TO BE A TEEN.
PEACE! |
| Hana | Unrecorded Date
Hi, iam a confused girl ho thinks that live is ezy.
ANYWAY, i would like to know if you can have a sex
whit kristen guy... That gois to guys toooo..
Can you???? |
| Sagal | Unrecorded Date
Hana are you out of your mind you talking about having sex with a chirshtan guy you not even alouwd having sex with a muslim guy that is out of the question if you are realy muslim wait till you get maried my god teangerski dibadaha waa ku halaabeen |
| Ladan | Unrecorded Date
Hana
girl, first lets not jump to conclusions...but baby you confused as you said....But let me put it this way...........IT'S NOT OK TO HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIEGE............Now dear if that wasn't loud enough please let me....girl we have culture and before that we have religion and both don't allow us to sleep around....and if you are a Muslim girl....you should at least know that..Dear I can't teach you something that was suppose to be done years ago! So do your self a favour and don't sleep around! Besides you should know better.
One quesion for you girl....Do you have respect for your self???????????...Cuz if you have even at least some respect for your self...You wouldn't post the message that you did! So dear stay out of trouble.. |
| SAMAWADE | Unrecorded Date
TO SAGAL AND LADAN: THANK U FOR THE ADVICE THAT U GIVEN TO OUR SISTER HANA, BUT I THINK U ARE MISS JUDGING HER CUZ I DON'T BELEIVE THE PERSON WHO WROTE THAT WAS HANA. IT LUCKS THE CHARECTER AND STYLE. I COULD BE WRONG BUT I THINK THE PERSON WHO POSTED THIS WAS SOME ONE WHO HATED HANA.
IN TERMS OF THE MASSAGE SO CALLED "HANA" IS CONCERN I THINK IF U WROTE THIS SIS THEN YOU ARE CONFUSSED AND YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THE ADVICE YOUR SISTERS GIVEN TO YOU AND STOP SLEEPING AROUND SIS FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. |
| Ladan | Unrecorded Date
Samawade
Bro first thanks!
But I wouldn't know who hana is...All I have seen is the message that was posted by the nick ...hana...which in my believe was suppose to be females name! But hey lets hear what hana has to say about this! On the other hand if it's her! Well may god have mercy on her! |
| Mr Cool | Unrecorded Date
Ladan,
Dear I think Samawade is right cauze I think the real Hana has a user and a password in this forums since the colour is blue therefore the real Hana is not this or she might have forgotten her password. But then Hana if this is you dear.... then you shouldn't sleep around cauze is not only wrong in our religion but hey you will also loose your self respect. So consider it before you do it.
Bye All |
| brother | Unrecorded Date
INA KAHIN:
With the all the respect that I have to your opinions brother, I still thing of you wrong.
Yours ideas might well be convincing but there is some kind of prejudice. It is only unfair but imcomprehensible that; only "poor people" (lower class) in your words, follow the unhealthy social issues raised here.
As for the case of the young girl we cannot judge since we have no idea of the actual fact. But your opinion as mine can only be general.
Briefly, I will personally not wish my sisters getting married B4 she can be, mentally,materially
independant. The reason being is so simple and you mentioned it already.Lots of mens are evil minded, and will pretend or give a false interpretation of themselves in order to get a young, virgin, innocent girl.
We know for the fact that it is unappropriate to marry without the consent of the fathers. But, what if the parent are unreasonable, and it is very common thing in our society these days.
Again brothers, marriage is very important,and it should bring us a lots of hapinness and "Iman" but it could be catastrophic in some cases, therefore we should thing twice B4 taking the step.
To me choosing the right partenar is most important than anything else. And the way to do this, is easy. You just need to repect yourself, be aware of your cultural, traditional values.A man can only respect if you do respect yourself. You all know what I mean. Don't throw your values at the first demand. By the way same thing applies to men.
Peace |
